When I decided to get married I thought I can able to start and build a new family of me. I promise to myself that I want to get married if I can see that my siblings were okay and as the eldest among my siblings , I know it is my responsibility to make sure that they are stable or they can stand by themselves before I start to leave them. I thought they are all responsible and stable by the time that I marry my husband but I was wrong.
Another drama of my life that I will share to you. Sorry for writing it here as some of you might not so interested. Forgive me by sharing it as this is my only way to express.it and lessen my burdens and heavy feeling that I still keep inside. I know people here will understand me and never judge me like when I will posted it on Facebook where the judgemental people and gossips are everywhere.
I am so stressed these past few days. I am so drained physically and mentally to the point that I didn't take good care of myself. I wrote to my previous article which entitled forgiveness that my mother went back home here and we give us a second chance but because of pride and she don't want to reconcile with my father , she leave the house again and go to our relatives and stay there. She even told them that she and my father was already separated that makes my father more angry because she already declared that separate thing. I am a bit relief when she came back because my responsibilities here in our house will be lessen and my only responsibility when she was here was to take good care of my son because she was the one who take good care of my niece. My relief was gone instantly and earn some energy to be a multi Tasker again.
Another incident happened after my mother leave the house. My father had an accident when he was driving a motorcycle on his way on his work. It was 5:30 in the morning when someone called me and said that my father had an accident and it was in my husbands place. Gladly he was using helmet and the damages that he been through is only minor. My husband went to the place to rescue him and rented a vehicle for thier service. His arm got swollen and he needs to take a rest until his arms be okay. I am now taking good care of him while taking good care of my son and my niece who was so very active because they are on terrible two stages.
Aside from this responsibilities , I am also stressed with my little brother who always borrow some money to me and as her sister it's my responsibility to help him even if what I have is my last cents. Yesterday he give his dept to me but after an hour he chatted me and said that he will borrowed it again. I don't have a lot of spare money and my husband salary is only enough on our daily living that's why I got stressed to him because he is a single and he can't provide for himself and he didn't think that maybe I am budgeting my husbands salary. To be honest , my head is in pain because of my little brother.
Right now , as I am typing this. I am in the middle of crying. Crying silently so that my husband would not hear me. I don't want to share to him how heavy my feelings is because he has also a problem in his family side. Yes , both of our families are so stressful but the difference is I am the eldest and he is the youngest and yet he's acting like that eldest because his eldest brother is like my younger brother. Today is his day off and he go to thier house to check his father and step mother and give some money to them. When he went back here he told a story that is now new to me because I know that's the set up in thier house.
As much as we want to mind our own family , we can't do it because we also need to think of our parents and siblings even if we have our own family. We want to separate and live on our own but the worries on our heart is here. If we leave my parents house , who the one who will take good care of my niece? My sister didn't afford to hire a Yaya because she's a single mom. Who's the one who will look after the house when my father is in work and who's the one who will take good care of my father when he retires. A lot of questions in my mind that has no answer yet that's what my head aches.
For now , I can do all this even if it's hard and looking forward that someday everything will be okay. If you are reading up to this part. Thank you very much and goodnight ♥️