@Yen 28 May 2021 more from that month

I am free from my old self.

***I'm no longer , what I used to be.*** ***I am stronger because you lived in me*** ***The old is gone , the new has come*** ***I'm alive.*** Still remember this song lyrics when I decided to follow Jesus again and decided to be a brand new person. It was played during the worship service way back 2017. This is my story about freedom. Jane mentioned me on her article which is ***Freedom spilling the beans and letting go of the darkest past*** https://read.cash/@Jane/freedom-spilling-the-beans-and-letting-go-of-my-darkest-past-e38e5020 And I will share my freedom story. There's a lot of freedom in this world and everyone of us is entitled for that freedom because human has freewill , but the freedom that I will going to share now is the freedom on my old self. So let's start the story. *My old self* My past life was not so good. Call it miserable if you want because of many wrong decisions in life. I was onced a church person before but like what my former officemates it's hard to be back on serving. I am exposed in worldly perspective. I am curious about everything that the world has to offer without thinking if that action will sacrifice my dignity as a woman. I was so liberated but not a whore , I still look innocent but behind those innocent face is a different me. I am just a typical Manila girl who just go with the flow. Manila night life was fun. City light are fascinating to my eyes too. I experienced to go on the bars and stayed there until dawn and went home drunk. I don't care if I am with the boys. I love to be with them because of some reasons. I am so used with that kind of set up especially when I was working as a Sales Representative where my team are mostly boys. Our favorite hang out is on River Banks Marikina and Gateway Cubao. I always lie to my father everytime he asked me where I am going. I also lie to my boyfriend just to be with my officemates. From college up to my working days alcohol has been a part of my life. I love when I see a bottle with a moist outside because it's cold. Everytime I drink a nestea juice I tasted the empirador lights something like that. I can longer count if how many times I sleep in other house because I am drunk and lie to my father about what really happened. I also experienced a one night stand not once but five times. The first one is a guy that I trusted easily and because of my innocence he got me. Second is my ultimate crush and that affair happened when I am in a relationship. How bad I am right? The third one is from I guy that I met a couple of years ago and what happened to us is just a trip and we still agree on it. The fourth one is happened because I am drunk but I know before I choose to drunk in thier house there will something happened after. And the last one happened 2017 before I met my husband. It was my team leader on my previous job that has a crush on me who take advantage because I am drunk but I still managed to get along with him and stayed on the company for more years. I am so wasted and lost my respect to myself and thinking if one day my life can still changed on a way that is better than what I am that time. I always pray to God that I am not loosing my hope that someday He will grant my wish. Every boyfriend that I had that time was an answered prayer for me but end up to nothing. Until I met a guy who is my husband now. ***The new me.*** This guy has been a big part of my changes. He's the one who helped me back on serving and he was the one who encouraged me to be a good Christian again. He showed me how life is good and how a woman deserve to be treated better. I decided to be a better person and let go all of what was happened in the past. I know that I have a lot of mistakes in the past but with God nothing is impossible. Like what they said to me those mistakes will lead to a testimony someday and I am doing it now. I forget all of the mistakes I did and once you decided to do that God will help you to start a new life. I decided to quit drinking alcohol. It is not easy for me to do that as my friends are always drinking and it is serves as our bonding but I did. I did because I want to change for the better. I explained to them my reasons and they are happy with me so everytime we have a set they will only offer me a juice and then they drink. Now I am 4 years alcohol free. I also avoid bad words or mura in Tagalog. Thanks to my husband of reminding me always. I will be forever grateful to this man! I changed the way I dress and be aware of what I am looking if I looked so decently. He was the one who choose what clothes I'll be wearing and he told me to declutter those crop tops and shorts that I usually wear on the past. ***Things that I experienced*** I can freely express myself and find my happiness in some other things. I experienced to travel and see the nature's beauty. I experienced to hang out with people who has a strong faith in Christ. I experienced to be free. Free from judgement and free from fear that those happening in the past might happen on me again. Now I must say that God loves me because despite of all the mistakes that I need he still grant my wish. To have a loving husband that I have been prayed for and He gives us an adorable son that was the greatest blessings I have ever received. I am Mommy Yen and I am free from my old self.