read.cash Log in
@Yen more from that month

When my anxiety attacked , I talk to God.

I was relieved when my father told me that I can borrow his money for my husband intravetreal injection tomorrow. I was relieved because I don't need to withdraw any single amount in my BCH savings this moment like my plan when we knew that my husband needs a three set of intravetreal injection for his eye medication. I borrowed 20,000 pesos on him two weeks ago because he already open his coin bank. After the first intravetreal injection of my husband I started to withdraw all my earnings from noise and read everyday so that I can save for the monthly expenses in his medicine. You know the feeling that everyday you are always hoping that you can earn a decent amount so that you can save. Everytime I earned 10$ or up I thank the Lord because of the provision he was giving us all the time. Then the routine happened everyday. I started it October 11 and I no longer monitor my everyday earnings because it's in my coins.ph wallet. Then after 20 days , yesterday to be exact I earned a total of 11,900 pesos and I transferred it to my Gcash account and since I have a money for tomorrows injection , I will let the money in my Gcash account but also yesterday when my father went home he said that he bought a tricycle with side car and he needs to renovate the gate and make a bigger one and I know he will need some money for this that why I asked him if he will going to get the money from me because I told him if he will not used it I will borrow it but if he will use it then I will gave it to him. Then he told me that he will used it that's why I have no choice but to withdraw some amount of money because my only earnings is 11,900 and the expenses for tomorrow is 20,000. I need 8,000 pesos more for tomorrow. Then my anxiety attacks again when I thought a lot of things. I thought of what ifs , I thought of everything until I felt that I am having a headache and I know I am anxious that's why I choose to divert all the negativities to positive ones. The good about me if I am having an anxiety is that I can able to fight for it. The first thing I did is to pray and tell the Lord that I believe Him and He can provide for our expenses. I also asked for some peace of mind , hope , courage and wisdom so that I will overcome my anxiety. Second is to think how blessed we are that even if we are experiencing something like this Lord never leave us and He always provide. Then I thanked God for this , for my money online raket , for my BCH holdings and truly we are blessed by the Lord. I thought of my cousin , I messaged her if I can borrowed some money on her next month and I explained it then she replied with a yes. I told her that if the BCH goes up I will not going to borrow. I just messaged her in advance. She will understand me because she is an Axie Infinity player and she also hold her SLP because of the low price. After the convo I am bit relief but I asked myself if I did the right choice. I mean I have a bch hold but I don't want to spend it because I am hoping that it will pump. My head aches again and I stop to think for a possible happenings, then I calm myself and have a deep breath. Due to emotions , I made a myday saying I wish that this expenses will be finished soon because I am pressured by the idea that I need to grind everyday even though I want to rest because I'm tired. Then as usual , @Kai09 to the rescue. She replied on the myday and asked what's the problem and I told her it's money. I am not opening it to my husband as I don't want him to feel that I am having a hard time for his medication. Because he always said let's stop the medication and he will became hopeless and negative. That's why I am just carrying this heavy feeling alone. Time check : 1:40 AM.

25 comments

Log in to join in Reading is open to everyone. Replying needs an account.