Nightmare

I dream of him last night. It's a blurred vision of him, a moment that seems happening in reality but I am actually dreaming. I saw his face again. I am just following what my dreams would be. Until there's a transistion from one guy to another. The location changed as well as the characters. This time , it's a complicated relationship with my past. I am just a past time in my dreams. Waiting for him to contact me. Our relationship is like I am the only one who put efforts. I viewed my gallery. I saw of picture of us that cannot be upload on any social media accounts because he doesn't want to. I felt the pain even if I am only dreaming. I am being used and I felt unworthy and downgraded.

All the pains in the past flashes back to me. How I turned to be a toy to someone. How to be a desperate girl just for love. I remember how I lost my respect to myself and I remember how I begged to them just don't leave me. I am scared in my dream. I am shakening and I am afraid to start over again then suddenly there's a voice saying..

You always thought about your past. Why not to think the present because I already gave what's the best for you. I looked at him. I just started at him with a neutral face. It was God! It was God telling me to forget all my pained past experiences. It was God who told me to start something new with the guy he allowed for me. It was God. It was God who saved me from that nightmare.

I woke up with teary eyes. I looked at my husband and hugged him tight. I kiss his forehead and said I love you while I'm crying. I love him so much and it's so unfair to him why I dreamt that such things.

I thought of the article I wrote a day ago. Maybe that's the reason why I dreamt that past experiences of my life. It feels like a nightmare to me. No! It's already a nightmare and I'm hoping that it would not happened again.