I've been left alone.
Many times. I've never asked anyone to stay, maybe out of pride or maybe because begging never occurred to me, I simply believe that everyone does what they want. They open the door and leave, they don't need me to say goodbye.
At the beginning it was hard, I blamed myself a thousand times, I felt terrible, but as time went by, I started to get used to their absence. On the other hand, why feel bad? You have to treasure the lessons of life and whoever comes in, brings lessons, negative and positive. They have accustomed me to renounce their presence, if I am a margin why consider them important? If they can do without me so easily, why put them among the vital things?
I have become cynical as a result. Now I am no longer interesting, I cannot be used. Now I'm the one who doesn't make anyone fit in my life, who makes relationships uncomfortable, I'm the one who is icy, unreachable, unobjectionable. And I know you don't care. The wonderful thing is that I don't care either.
[2018©Yelena b.]
