Do you know what a panic attack is? Oh I'm sure you do. We all suffer from it.
We never recognize it right away because it's a sneaky evil, creeping in slowly, day after day. It's our fears, our fears, our weaknesses. They run in our blood, they take place where you don't even imagine and once they have settled in they begin their work and slowly prevent you from living. A panic attack manifests itself in anything, an ingrained mania, a fixed thought, an unmentionable fear and you find yourself a slave to something dark that you don't know, don't understand, don't realize.
Before arriving at the consciousness of the "panic" you go through the most destructive phase you can know: the implosion. Yeah. Everything starts from inside you, you are yourself, no one else is causing this terrible aberrant malaise...
IT'S JUST YOU.
So when you feel the crisis coming, when you feel the "panic" coming, that's the moment in which you should appeal to your conscience and say: "do I really want to feel this bad?" the answer is
NO. YOU DON'T WANT IT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WANT IT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WANT IT.
Maybe you'll never get to completely dominate this part of you, it will resurface millions of times, overbearing and invasive with the desire to cancel all your positive thoughts. Only one thing you have to learn to do, perhaps the most difficult and complicated: is to love yourself.
Panic dominates you when you don't love yourself, when you don't accept yourself, when you criticize yourself too much. The very moment you accept that you are human and that you are wrong just like everyone else, you will understand that life is lived and that foreclosing this journey is the biggest mistake you can make.
[2013©Yelena b.]
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