Never in my wildest dreams have I ever thought I'd be writing a blog but I guess we play the cards life's deal us right?wrong!.I would say we create each and every card that's laid out in front us.we create it all in our minds before it takes any physical form.i can only imagine the life of a person who plays the cards life has given him/her drifting where ever the wind takes you floating endlessly through life.if I was to play the cards life had given me I wouldn't even be writing this right now.When I was 5 my mother died , that was the first time I saw a dead body lifeless.i pondered upon how futile life can be.death in itself is just as powerful as life if you ask me.i remember how empty my life become without her nothing can replace that anyway my dad remarried in a year and I started adjusting to the situation.i was always adventurous as a child growing up in Kafue which has a lot of small hills like seriously we had a small hill right in our backyard.me and the hommies never ran short of exploring a hill or two.i guess I was really just trying to escape the situation at home you know it was pretty tense having a step mother and me being a last born.i was always the type of kid who would stand up for himself when I was in 4 th grade the class bully tried to pick on me.my impulse reaction was to beat him up not after school right there in the class room by the time the teacher came back in he was back on his seat embarrassed and nobody in class snitched I got voted class monitor and from then on it was justice for all and no bullying. There was a time I asked a question at Sunday school, I looked in that woman's eyes and asked her "who created God?" She told me not to ask such questions that I should not think in those lines that I would became quote on quote " lost " can you imagine that? Anyway let's just say I asked more and more questions,about life our existence.That made me a rebel in the eyes of many.i spent my primary at a Catholic private school called malundu.nice place.they where also a lot of Arab and Muslim pupil's in my class I thought it was great I liked being in a class with so much diversity my only problem was the headmaster made this rule where all the black boys where not allowed to keep hair.it made no sense to me he would never tell any of the Arabic boys to cut there hair so as a sign of me standing for what I believe in i always tried to keep my hair long though every now and then I was reminded I was just a kid who didn't have any real power in this world and was eventually forced to cut it.by the time I was in grade 7 the headmaster came up with a name for me and the hommies." Rebels!" He screamed at us every time he saw us and every time we where caught out of line he was there to whoop our asses. There was a time right in the middle of a class session me and Ivwa started kicking an empty bottle around.like a game we laughed on an kept on kicking passing the bottle to each other right in the middle of a class everybody was shocked the teacher included .he asked us to leave the room and with much enthusiasm we did.i started composing songs & melodies before I even knew how to read and write.i hated crying so much I would try and sing instead of cry.to this day I hit my head when I realise just how many songs and concepts that only made it as an idea or writing in a books that's probably decayed in the earth.it don't bother me much though.practice makes perfect right, I was only introduced to Rap around the time I was like 11 years old.it was a cypher in school and there where all these guys rapping throwing a whole lot of corny bars and punchlines most of it bitten from a some hit song.i noticed how people payed much closer attention the M.C disecting each line he said waiting for him to say a hard Diss or clever metaphor.i said to myself that day am a be a rapper.so I went straight home and come up with a verse it was completely effortless on my part every line coming to my head as naturally as water flows through a stream.been writing & composing song since then.theres times when I can't sleep in the middle of night I'll be tossing and turning then I get up and write a song or verse and I'll be able to go to bed and sleep like a baby,it is therapeutic.Grade 8 came quick I decided to apply for a to go to boarding school cause in my mind the further I was from home the better you know.ended up being accepted into a boys boarding school somewhere deeper in the bushes closer to the Kafue river.for those of you who don't know in those times boarding schools where the equivalent or worse than any juvenile facility in a first world country it was hell and only the most savage survive in hell.i remember how meesed up my first day was the bankers & wall had grafity all over them not the nice kind just some random stuff written by people who had been there 30 - 40 years before me.driving into the school premises I could see a whole lot of little boys slashing grass way taller than them.they all looked like miserable little prisoners.i looked at my dad and almost told him to turn back but it was too late.i watched them drive off to civilisation as they left me behind.i was placed in a dorm called Chapman where I found some of my comrades from primary it was like ok I might be able to survive this.
I was dreaming soundly as I heard numbers counting down 10, 9 ,8 ,7 ,6, 5… then I open my eyes to find the whole dorm scampering grabbing buckets ,brooms & different tool.it was 4 A.M in the morning dammit! By the time I reached the door trying to explained that I was new to all this I was greeted with an almighty slap to my face and kicked outside into the cold with all the other little prisoners .my little brain didn't know what was going on I found a long line of buckets where i gently placed mine.i had no idea why everyone was in such a hurry.by the time I reached the top of the line a huge siren went off signalling it was now time for breakfast that was 6 A.M and I hadn't even done my duties.by the time I was done there was a barrage of prefects and teachers carrying wipes beating everything in their path that was late.so I just dressed up in my uniform and started running ducking wipes while doing it.i walked into my class and I couldn't believe my eyes.the place had worn out walls and all the windows where broken the desks where half broken it was Trully like WTF! type of feeling you know.i didn't even get a chance to settle before a buch of prefects walked in to begin our introduction into how things ran around the place where "birds fly backwards":.any sign of disobedience or insolence made you a red target for every grade higher than you.more work waited for us after class was done .we where literally at the bottom of the food chain in this environment.i remember talking to an associate of mine while digging out a flower bed and carrying stone from one point to another.i asked him if he was going to come back the next term and all he said to me was that he will survive just like I will.by night time they where mosquitos all over our class room that had the ability to bite through the thickest jeans big mosquitos which almost looked like flies.evening prep was over and we went back to the dorms to face more mockery.the lined us up in a straight line and made us stand there wiping us for not doing a good job that morning.for the first and last time that day I cried cause I missed home cried because i missed my dead mother and as I stared into the darkness on my bedside window I fell asleep hearing the silent sobs which echoed through the dorm room,I said to myself they won't catch me sleeping again.
On the weekend we would work all the way until 12 hrs then entertainment time was upon us once a week the whole school was allowed to watch movies in the school hall where if you can get a position as a steward in exchange for a good sit in the front of the T.V screen.it made no sense to me .think it was around this time that I gave up on TV altogether.it was the cyphers and rap battles that drew me in while some pupils would be each doing there own thing those who like to Rap and those who just liked watching people rap would all come together at some random location in the school and boom a we have ourselves a battle or a cypher.no beats cause nobody was allowed to have a phone or any sort of gadget at least in public that is.i soon found myself spitting bars and punchlines and I quickly gained fame as the hardest grade 8 rapper.i was so hard not even the older guys in grade 12 wanted to battle me so week after week I killed anyone who dared challenge me in a cypher or battle.i loved it ,it quickly encreased my street rep and soon nobody was bullying me.they just let me be,it was cool.by the time I reached grade 11 I was issuing open challenges and had well earned my name as the greatest rapper in school.i started to issue open challenges to schools in the town area and anywhere there was a guy who thought he could rap I was there to prove him otherwise .by this Time I knew that the school would never accept a rap club that would go to different schools winning winning and winning so a friend of mine suggested I join Debate.everyone knew it would be dope having the greatest rapper join the debate team would only mean victory.so by the time I was in grade 12 I was appointed vice president of the debate club and we didn't hesitate we beat every school in the district and went on to TV 2 debate time.which was like the highest honor for any team to make it to the grandest stage of them all.i remember walking into the T.V station feeling very proud that we had made it to the big screens.
Through out my time in school I was always drawn to music.there would be times when the teacher is going on and on and I would be caught up writing .I didn't see it as rap I saw it as a form of expressing my deepest issues.it forced me to dig deeper into my personality and the type of person I want to be. As of writing this iv only been able to record 70+ songs which you can check out for yourself via this link iroseliif3.wixsite.com/iroseliif3music
I write music because that's what am drawn to as a human being ,even if I have zero plays or fans I'll still write because these songs come to me unwillingly and I view myself as a vessel. I think it's gotten to a level where I don't think I can function right because its therapeutic effect for me has no measure. So yes music has saved my life even though the world doesn't know my name at least not yet but it saves my life everyday I breath regardless of Wether I have any fans or not.
Your Trully
iROSELiiF3