Due to the absence of presence of mind and having no exact article and topic to discuss, I might as well talk a bit about myself while everyone is busy with crypto. 😁. I am bored with a stuffy nose and a mild headache so I stayed at home.
I will be talking here about my true self which pertains to my previous and present attitude.
First and foremost, I am not a perfect person. I am ill-tempered and do hit when I am angry. I am impatient, and I am not sweet.
These characters of mine define my negatives.
But in terms of motherhood, I have to be perfect, be patient and sweet. Whatever your opinions after reading this are very much welcome.
This started from the younger years of marriage until the present. When I gave birth to my eldest, I started to become sensitive in anything. In everything, I always find fault. From laundry, I don't like a single speck of stain and the dishes, I want it to spit and span. I hate cleaning again and again. I easily gets irritated. I also started comparing mine with others, from character and status and things and would end up disappointed because there are lots of things that are supposedly in my plans and achievements but were not accomplished.
I was becoming insecure with my status. Seeing my batchmates reached another step of achieving their goals while I am stucked with a baby and do the usual household chores of a housewife every day made me sombre.
One thing that added a negative attitude to me was my new neighbours. The moment I lived with my husband, whenever they were conversing about something, there is more negativity than positivity I can listen to. They gossip here and there and due to being innocent about the real world, it influenced me and became one of them.
One time that I was sitting alone cuddling my second baby. I pondered about how things will work out reasonably. There are a lot of random thoughts that disturbed my mind. Uncontentment and regrets began to grow from deep within. Lots of things I want to change but impossible to achieve. It made me stressed out that time until it gave way to tears I don't know why. I think it was what they call postpartum depression.
Then, with my strong will in not giving up and be beaten by stress, I prayed hard and poured my feelings out and meditated. When I came back to my self again. I noticed that I was not the same person I used to be. There are a lot of changes that my surroundings are affecting me.
Starting from being a talkative and jolly person, I became serious and hesitant and I lost my confidence. The way I'm doing good in school doesn't apply in these kinds of the neighbourhood. There are different types of them. I was always cautious not to do things in which my neighbour will find fault and flaws in me. I don't want to be the one to leave first when we are having group conversations because I thought I am their laughing stock or their topic with ill words.I arrived to that kind of thinking since I was with them during their buzz session.
At that moment after having deep thoughts, I realized it doesn't matter what others will assume of me as long as I know that I am working out with the right thing. I bear it in my mind that I will stick to being positive. I will not let others influence me especially negative ones. I will be filtering toxic individuals that come close to me. My environment has a lot of impact on my behaviour, mostly negative so I changed the kinds of people I usually talked to. I started little by little distancing myself from people whom I know don't uplift my morale and doesn't motivate me.
This time, I am more on my own. I realized that I alone can make myself succeed or fail. There are a lot of people around but neither of them controls the way you live. It is you who manipulate everything about yourself. People are only there to watch you succeed or applause when you are down in silence, such hypocritical people. True people celebrate with you and enlighten you to do more and encourage you to keep up and become better than before. They guide you to attain your goals completely and won't just congratulate you when you win once.
I realize that in this world, there are few golden apples from the piles of rotten ones. They are rare and you can be able to find them only with an Eagle's eyes.
Though I consider myself a person with few acquaintances, this kind of people I deemed are golden apples. They ran through the scrutiny of my eyes before I recognize them as my friends.
This motherhood has given me another step also to change and become the person I never expected to be. As I began to distance myself from toxic people, I began to grow into a better one. Though distancing doesn't mean I isolate myself, I listened to some of their discussions and evaluate them before letting them sink into my mind. I used their criticism to develop myself into someone with better awareness of what was wrong and right.
As I mentioned above, I am not perfect, so does everyone. I have a temper that explodes anytime, but because of my family, especially my children I have learned to hold it and trained myself to be reasonable in times of anger.
I am not a sweet person that can roll out from my tongue and slip out sweet words from my lips. But after having my children, slowly, saying "I love You" seems a piece of cake. Honestly, I am allergic to the 3 sweet words I mentioned. Saying it seems like having constipation😅. Yeah. But thanks to my Angels I was able to transform into another person, a much better person. I now can tell it to them every day. Though I don't guarantee that I am at my best but at least far better than the previous me.
So, instead of getting worried about what others would say, I just concentrate on how to live my own life together with my family, how to be a better person. Though sometimes we need other people in times of difficult situations, let's not rely on them every time because there is no other one who can help you but yourself alone.
Thank You for the time Reading...💕💕💕
May mga tao oo talagang ganyan yaong kahit may narating ka na sa buhay hahanap at hahabap pa rin sila ng pangit na maari nilang sabihin para siraan ka, naranasa ko rin po iyan since maaga din akong naging ina, kahit teacher na ako that time di parin maiwasan na Pag tsismisan ng karamihan kasi nga ang bata ko pa daw di oa daw kinakasal na buntis na, mahurap at masakit pero kinaya ko nasabi ko na lamang sa sarili ko buhay ko ito at wala silang pakialam mabubuhay ako kahit wala sila, kaya labang lang momsh hayaan mo na lang sila iyan na lamang siguro ang alam nilang gawin sa buhay at pagtsismisan ang buhay ng ibang tao. Salamat pala at napadalaw ka sa account ko pero talagang nawawalan na dn ako ng gana since lage oa akong nasa spam section and di pa nadadalaw ni rusty huhu.