Confession of a Failed Achiever

During the times when I have nothing, I promised to myself that I will buy myself a bag, shoes and invite my family to dine in a fancy restaurant.

Growing up, I envy my friends who have lots of toys and lots of supplies at school. They have a nice boots while I have a pair of comfortable shoes. Their bags are very nice and I have a bag. Looking through the life of my friends, I wish I could experience the same. But life as it is, we are not the same. I have a family that provided me enough for my needs and wants but never too much. Why ? Because my mother would not spend something that is not necessary at that moment. Therefore the young in me, promised to buy the thing what i want and to eat the foods I love whenever I can afford.

Finally, I graduated college. I thank God for giving me daily hopes to succeed college and I thank my parents who let me achieve a diploma. Then the real world begins as I look for a job to finally able to earn cash. Praise Lord God that a company believe in me and be part of their team.

For my first paycheck, I bought something delicious that we can't afford back then. We eat happily. Then for next pay, I bought myself shoes though I pay it via installment but still I bought myself a branded shoes. Yay ! Then it went to bags and eat outside. I even bought a memorabilia for the family, an entertainment set because I remember when we have little occasion at home we don't have a "videoke".

So every time, we celebrate Christmas or New Year our house will have a loud music to listen to aside from the fireworks in the night sky. Because I am earning, I help my family pays for the bills and grocery. This feeling is very amazing !

Until such that all we have collected for the past years has been burned out by fire :( Our house was caught up by a fire due to the negligence of our neighbor. Everything we have, literally everything are gone. Even our graduation picture with my sister are gone. Then I saw my mother at her weakest. She cry because everything she work hard for are gone with a second.

I am sorry Ma, I failed you as a daughter. I was not able to rescue anything in that fire. This event keeps on lingering my mind as if moving on is never an option. I regret that I was a failure, I failed to be strong at that moment. I keep on blaming my neighbor that we have to go through with this hardship.

And this is a confession of a failed achiever.