Killing me Softly

It was a cold night when I was in my room. The wind blows strongly, destroying the house beside my wall. I can't figure out how I feel, it worsens my feelings of sadness inside. 

"Where am I to go?" 

"How can I hide my feelings?" 

The day when we met was one of the most beautiful times of my life. I can still remember the way you held my hand when we danced together on a silent night, when we had dinner my nights became bright. I can still smell the scent of your clothes that I couldn't resist but to hold it close. 

Those nights are gone and now, I am in the deepest loneliness where my days are like an old battle aged of the centuries. I almost lost my life when I saw you had a date, with a different lady in the car and you kissed. It makes me think, "What if I end my life now?" But, there's a flash in my mind that says"I don't deserve to cry for someone who doesn't find my worth, a man who doesn't care about my feelings, the days when you're killing me softly, the way you treated me when we have a dinner party. 

Instead of dancing with me, but you talk with the lady on the other side of the balcony, you smile with him and you touch her face and wipe her hair. It gives me pain deep down inside but I just keep quiet because I don't want to show that I am crying. 

And when I'm lonely at home, I still remember everything. All the flashbacks were so miserable that I couldn't eat, drink and talk. I just shouted out to the moon and wished before the stars what if they took me away and let me live in a place where no one could hurt me. 

You say that you love me, but you keep pushing me away,by saying, "sorry, I don't have time tonight, can we have dinner next time? When is that perfect time that you come along? 

I often come to your house, but somebody says 'You're not there, but you're just watching me through the window, but your face is hiding on a curtain. 

How come that you have let me expect that you love me, when you're not? Why did you just let me wait for you for a long time,and then you tell, that you have another commitment before me. 

I was just fooling myself, for loving you too dearly, even if it's obvious that you wouldn't love me back. I never want this story to take too long, I am not wasted, and I don't want to be with you forever when you didn't love me too. 

They said, love is the most wonderful thing in the world that I could ever have, but believe me, you prove me wrong. Love is good in itself, but if it's you that destroys how I should define it, I would be totally disappointed. 

I'm proud to say to my fellows that you are my love, but you keep on denying me whenever your friends ask about me. you said, I'm your best friend, not a lover and never in your dreams. 

You often deny your feelings about me, and I was telling myself that maybe you need to do that, because you don't want to disappoint your parents or even disturb you for your focus in your work. 

It seems that I don't have space in your life, or even a little portion of me in your heart. You said that you will boldly tell when the time comes, but honestly I couldn't see any chance on that day. 

Am I a bad person, that I deserved to be treated like nobody? But, let me just tell you, from now on, I want to find my worth without you, my life would still be meaningful even if I'm alone. This life that I'm living today is another journey that I take on. 

My grandma told me, "a person who truly loves me will never let me cry, or even happy to see me sobbing, or don't even let my eyes tear in desperation. 

You may make the most unforgettable mistakes of my life, but I'm glad to meet you. Now I can figure out what true love is, and why did love hurt. Thanks for coming into my life, for hurting me, and you didn't know that it keeps me strong. I'm grateful for the rejections, it makes me realize to value myself more, and find my value not with you. 

Even if the world will turn upside down, I'd still not want to die in your arms, that is full of pretension, an untrue and half-hearted version of what you called- love. 

I know that you wouldn't stop me from letting go, because I know that I'm not anymore valid with you. I love you still, even if you wouldn't love me, I know that it hurts the days and nights without you, but I will be happy to set free myself and fly like a butterfly, and realize my beauty is beyond what you said to me. 

I am now wiping my tears away, my miserable days are about to end  tonight, and these thunderstorms will pass by like a thief in the night. The weather is maybe crying with me, but we will soon be at peace together and the sun will rise in the morning, the  yard will run dry, and I can hear the birds chirping and singing my beautiful songs. 

There will be a day that I can smile again, a day when someone will hold my hands tightly and go along walking on the sea shore. The sadness of my days will not keep on going after this rainy day, but it will surely end and have a new time, like a rainbow that flashes in the sky that gives comfort after the heavy rain. 

I got up in bed and had a cup of tea, I burned all the things that you gave me. Everything that is in me which is a symbol of lies that you speak in my face, we're all vanished like a mist in the morning, it won't last but instead, I twill fade away.

Writer's Statement:

Hello dear readers, this is another creative writing/not a true story, a person that has been hurt but take her courage to keep standing strong. This was inspired by one of my favorite songs, " Killing me softly". I jammed with this song before I wrote in my blank paper. I am happy you read this piece. 

Thanks to all my sponsors, as always I'm grateful for not leaving me. 

Photos attached are from Pixabay

@Winx1988