It's easy to fall into ruts of hubris. Cynicism. Fear. In fact, most people including myself probably live there most of the time. And that is truly a tragedy. I was just thinking the other day: for all my cocky attitudes and acquired knowledge about this and that. For all my hatred of others that I deem malicious (and this may even be justified to an extent), I am considering myself from an egoistic perspective.
My spine is working. Electricity is flowing. My heart is beating. My limbs and body are moving without even a single concentrated thought. I feel. I intend. I do. Lightning fast. More than lightning fast. How in the hell does all this shit work? Where in God's holy name does it come from. We are all so cocky, but our hearts could simply stop beating at any moment, really. But for the grace go I. And isn't that the truth?
But at the same time – what about those poor kids in the Middle East that have to watch their mothers and fathers get blown to bits by U.S. bombs. What about the fentanyl addict that has seen all his friends succumb to addiction and die, purple and blackened face, in an alley? All of life's stupid dreams culminating in...this. They finally numbed the horrific pain of living on this fucked up planet. No. Of living in a fucked up society.
Still. What intellectual, college-educated, doctorate holding loser can understand how the large intestine knows when to squeeze the waste out? What Nobel Prize winner can explain the foundations of consciousness, or how the flowers bloom each spring. Sure, dumb fuck, we know the technical side of it. The change of seasons and the sense of heat and sunshine – but what is the knowledge and force in the first place?
Electricity stimulates the heart into pumping the blood. But what sets all this into motion?
I remember being pretty well drunk and looking into a bathroom mirror. It was at a McDonald's, late night, after a party. I stuck my tongue out in the mirror and saw it for the first time. What a motherfucking weird thing a tongue is. I saw it with almost completely fresh eyes, as though I had never seen one before. What an alien apparatus! How bizarre, indeed!?!? A weird muscle that I can move around, without even a thought really, and which jostles the food around in my mouth so I can eat it!
And I wanna flex like I'm something special. I fucking don't know what's going on here, either. All I know is it's amazing. And all I know is we all need more love and understanding. The world is starving for that right now.
