Jawbreaker

Truly depressing. Try not to think about it too much. But it still punches you in the gut.

Can't visit my family in the U.S. because of "laws."

Most people around me are complete naive morons.

Old friends have bought into the lie, ditched communication. I just fly down my solo path. "Woe is me, I am falling apart." Listen to Jawbreaker. Contemplate cleaning my room.

There's a lot to be positive about. But also my health is kinda fucked — more than it should be, at least. Not sleeping so it don't really get better.

Ditched the brainwash that had been inculcated into me as a child even more than ever.

Completely flying now, wild rush with fear and positivity.

Feeling also weaker than ever.

How did I not realize what traitors most of these slimy fuckers were? And I still like them. I just don't wanna be around them at all because I know they'll just lie again. Heh. I guess that's life.

There are some good folks around. But I see them few and far between. Most don't speak my native tongue, but I'm working on theirs.

Life's no fairy tale, but I'm still happy it's bigger than somebody's made up, flaming idea about "this means this and X,Y,Z is meant to be and God likes and wants and hates A, B, G, and blah blah blah."

It's so big it makes most folks too dizzy, I suspect. Me too I guess. But I wanna be open as possible.

Just let go.

But we do have something inside we can work out and work with and be ourselves to the utmost.

That actually makes a difference, I think. To ourselves first, and then so other folks can see it's alright to say fuck you to the fucking morons and spineless destroyers. And sing and play and think while they feign intelligence and eventually burn out.

That is "salvation" maybe as much as I can see. Just to be yourself.

Back to Jawbreaker.