When the term virgin is used in the Bible, it refers to an unmarried person who has not had sexual relations (see Esther 2:2 and Revelation 14:4). "Many people use the word virginity in today's culture to express sexual purity; but many others use a technical definition to discover loopholes in moral standards, limiting the word to mean only "the state of never having gone all the way," so a couple can do anything and everything short of sexual intercourse and still technically call themselves "virgins. The heart, mind, and spirit, not just certain body parts, should be influenced by chastity.
The focus of the Bible is not so much on a technical or medical definition of virginity as on the state of the heart of an individual. The ethics we endorse and the acts we choose offer proof of our heart's state. The norm of the Bible is clear: celibacy before marriage and post-marriage monogamy.
Three serious explanations exist for saving sex for marriage. First of all, we, as believers, follow what God tells us to do. "It states in First Corinthians 6:18-20, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins committed by a person are beyond the body, but whoever sexually sins sins against his or her own body. Don't you know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, whom you have got from Heaven, who is in you? You are not your own; you have been purchased for a profit. Therefore, with your bodies, worship God." If we are in Christ, He has bought us with the sacrifice of His life." He is our Lord, and he is to be honoured.
The second explanation is that we wear the breastplate of righteousness to fight our spiritual wars (Ephesians 6:14). We are in a conflict between our new identity in Christ and our desires in the flesh. "First Thessalonians 4:3-7 says, "It is the will of God that you should be sanctified: that sexual immorality should be avoided; that each of you should learn to regulate your own body in a manner that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans who do not know God; and that no one should be wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister in this matter. As we told you and cautioned you before, the Lord would punish all those who commit such sins. For God did not call us to be unclean, but to live a holy life.' It is an act of rebellion towards God to allow the body (rather than the Spirit) to govern your actions. Godly, romantic sex is giving and unselfish between a husband and wife. It is self-centered and abusive to use others to satisfy a desire of the flesh. You are always helping him or her to sin and adversely altering the relationship of that person with God and others, even if the partner is willing.
The ultimate explanation is the' mystery' of marriage (Ephesians 5:31-32). When God spoke of two people being joined as one, He was referring to something in a true, physiological way that we are only beginning to understand. The hypothalamus in the brain releases chemicals that cause feelings of attachment and confidence when two individuals are intimate. A individual forming an attachment and trusting someone with whom he or she does not have a committed relationship results in having sex outside of marriage. The definition of confidence deteriorates in the mind. It's dangerous to have that kind of interaction with someone without the protection of working together with God. Two people who are physiologically obsessed with each other, even slightly, but not committed to growing in God can be torn from God and His plans for them as a couple.
Conversely, if two individuals make a deliberate, intentional decision to engage in marriage with each other and then encourage the intimacy that releases these chemicals, the body will reaffirm the relation that the mind has made. The physiological feelings of confidence and attachment are strengthened by the relationship's reality. Two persons become one physically in this way, and that represents what God has done spiritually.
The relationship between the church and Christ is modelled on marriage. A married couple in a solid, united relationship must serve God. Sex was designed by God, along with procreation, to enhance the relationship. Instead of binding them together, sex outside of marriage establishes ties that break apart the hearts of people.
Finally, there are a couple of things we need to remember about virginity, and the lack thereof, given the grace of Heaven. Those who come to Christ are not virgins after participating in premarital sexual relationships; but at the moment they are rescued, they are completely cleansed by Christ. Anyone can be saved by Heaven, and He can restore those who have given in to their fleshly lusts. There is grace in Christ for those who indulge in premarital sex after becoming a Christian. He will cleanse us and offer healing from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). And, in the horrible case of a person victimized by sexual abuse or rape who may feel that he or she is no longer able to measure up to the ideal standard of "virginity" through no fault of his or her own, Christ is able to restore her or his spirit, heal her or his brokenness, and grant wholeness to her or him.
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