In our society and in the Church, pornography and other sexual sins are rampant. Many have argued that such actions, or at least the lust that drives them, is ultimately an unsolvable issue, a sin that in the lives of the children of God can not be defeated. But in the face of the grave and incalculable harm that lust inflicts on lives, families, and fellowships, this reaction is unacceptable.
We need to understand what we are struggling with if we want to conquer lust. The "sexual buzz", the electric feeling of pleasure that makes sex so enjoyable, is a good place to start. Our thoughts, our bodies, and our cognitive functions are included in the psychobiological sexual buzz. These emotions were designed by God for good. As an early stage of intimacy within the marital union of marriage, the sexual buzz plays an important role. We wouldn't be aroused without it and sex probably wouldn't happen enough to keep reproduction going or binding marital relations. The sexual buzz inside the marriage partnership is only suitable.
It is sinful lust when we abuse this capacity, giving ourselves an illicit sexual buzz. As a way to explain this, consider the following definition:
Sexual lust, the illicit sexual buzz, intentionally makes pleasurable stimulation of sexual desire wrongfully guided deep inside.
Let's just break it down:
It's something we want to do that is willfully allowed. It is not put on us. It may be motivated by habit and carried out without deliberation to give in to it, but on our part, it is still an option.
Pleasurable. We like it. In a way that we do not completely grasp, the illicit sexual buzz is profoundly enjoyable. God built us so that we can realize a pleasurable sexual buzz even when we are merely looking to enjoy legitimate sexual gratification, pursuing desire, or considering sexual activity.
Gratification, when everything clicks into place, we remember as it occurs. We may argue that we "doing nothing" and may be able to fool others, but we should not attempt to fool ourselves. God can't be fooled.
We focus our attention in a way that is not correct. Wrongly directed sexual desire. When it is grounded in a marital relationship, the sexual buzz is just acceptable. When we are in the slavery of desire, this is hard to accept. To persuade ourselves that it is safe to let them free, we are looking for a way to explain our waywardly pointed fulfillment of sexual desires.
We can not fully grasp how the sexual buzz takes place deep inside. Our psychobiological reaction is profoundly personal and deep-seated. This happens rapidly and unmistakably, long before (and sometimes without any) externally observable evidence.
Admittedly, this is a very complex concept. All these elements were distilled by Jesus, the Master Wordsmith, into a phrase that immediately rings true. He called "adultery in the heart" what takes place when we sin this way (Matthew 5:28). In doing so, with an elegant, penetrating simplicity that a Christian can not dismiss from his conscience, he included all of the above elements.
Distinguishing Lust from Sexual Desire
Those who hear this clarification for the first time have a few objections that immediately emerge, and it is best to incorporate them right from the start.
The first objection is the claim that nothing other but normal sexual attraction is the sexual buzz that grows in a largely indiscriminate way. In reality, it is defined by most definitions of lust as a normal desire that has gone astray, without explaining explicitly why this happens.
Unfortunately, when constructing a suitable, realistic concept of lust, there is a fundamental issue with using the words "desire" or "sexual desire" as the starting point. The concept of hope or desire for future fulfillment is expressed by the word "desire" Those who lust, on the other hand, are not only thirsty; they drink from the cup as well.
We are continuously exposed to sexual stimuli, mostly visual stimuli. This is the world we're living in. Having a sexual reaction to such stimulation is normal. This is because of a part of who we are, sexual attraction.
However, we are not allowed to take the next step in instances where this sexual desire is misdirected. Some may argue that illegal pleasure can not be prevented. But there is a simple way to prove this wrong: we frequently recoil from desire or sexual encounters with members of the family, such as daughters or sisters. It is deliberate and sinful to center our attention in order to achieve an illicit sexual buzz. When we have crossed into sinful desire, the fast gulp of sweet "stolen water" (Proverbs 9:17) is that. In our hearts, we may want to mitigate the adultery we allow, but God does not.
As long as it is not followed up by lust, there is nothing wrong with sexual attraction. It's a finely tuned and strong talent granted by God, and we should not expect it to go away or find fault with it. The demon tutor wrote to his pupil, Wormwood, as Uncle Screwtape, in The Screwtape Letters (C. S. Lewis):
He [God] made the pleasures: so far, all our studies have not helped us to create one. All we can do is allow people to take the pleasures that our adversary has made, often, or in ways or degrees that he has forbidden.
If we would use our impulses to indulge in sin is the question. Ramped up sexual desires are only allowed within the marital partnership as we share and enjoy them. The sin of lust arises when, by misusing sexual desire, we give ourselves illicit sexual gratification.
Do not believe the lie that, when tempted, you will not deny yourself illicit pleasure. Whenever we are tempted to sin, we should and must do so.
Sexual Ideas
Another opposition to identifying lust as an illicit sexual buzz is based on the assertion that sexual thoughts can not be excluded. But this is not the aim we are aiming for. "Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts"Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts (Isaiah 55:7).
Getting sexual ideas, however, is not the same as committing desire. We have sinned only when we wrongly concentrate on such thoughts to create the identifiable experience of an illegitimate sexual buzz. The sin of lust, in this sense, is similar to the other sins we are vulnerable to. We all face circumstances at times that provoke us to anger, but if we linger on that anger poorly, we fall into sins such as rage, resentment, and unforgiveness.
Often we all face difficulty or difficulties, yet if we dwell on those struggles and problems poorly, we fall into the sin of worrying. Often it seems that some do better than us, but if we linger on those thoughts poorly, we fall into the sins of jealousy or selfishness. Other instances such as this may be cited. Our urges and emotions no longer drive us to sin as we win supremacy over lust.
Concentration on the actual issue
Recognizing that sexual impulses and emotions are not inherently linked to lust by themselves offers the secret to overcoming it. Many want to eliminate their sexual impulses and feelings because in order to understand an illicit sexual buzz, they have habitually harnessed these.
"thought suppression." is the name of this approach. Thought suppression has been extensively studied and is best illustrated by the experiment of trying to stop yourself from thinking about a pink elephant. Sadly, this method has never proven to be successful. Instead, we need to accept that we can still give rise to bad feelings, and in ways that we do not want, we will still continue to experience sexual desire. We need to "bring them into captivity" (2 Corinthians 10:5) by refusing them access to our souls, instead of suppressing our wayward thoughts and desires. It is important to avoid the impulse to' go with it.'
About this, let's be straight. We may not, nor should we attempt to, shut down our desires and thoughts. They aren't the real issue. Whenever we misuse our impulses or thoughts to accommodate sin and to establish realistic strategies for winning victory, we must also understand and repent if we find ourselves being dominated by this sin.
Many falsely believe that sexual impulses and sexual thoughts are aspects of us that have unique control, as I once did. When exposed to temptation, they believe they have no choice but to allow these impulses and thoughts to produce an illicit sexual buzz. It has become an automatic answer because, on a daily basis, they have crossed the line.
Our impulses and emotions do not compel us to sin, however. We need to act with the knowledge and trust that God is trustworthy, instead of falling into sin, to provide "the way of escape" (1 Corinthians 10:13) if we are tempted. Entering the "way" inevitably implies that within our hearts we refuse to commit adultery. Our emphasis must be on denying real sin, developing as believers to maturity, and learning to please God. By committing adultery in our hearts, our impulses become bad when we act upon them. We are in a position to put on the new individual and abide successfully in Christ by first putting to death our evil passions and desires.
