Hey there! I'm Umm Fudayl. It's a lovely, cold morning here and the best I can possibly do is cover myself up in blankets and think about what was, and what has been of me.

A little about myself

Some years ago, I was a lonely little girl always sitting by the window to watch the kids play in the streets. I couldn't possibly follow them, because I have always been out of place - a boring girl, with no air of fun in her.

Maybe it was partly because I grew up in a family with a strict dad. A father who didn't want his daughter to be a part of the vices going on in the society. A father who cared so much about his daughter's future. Parents do know more than we (their kids) do. They've learnt from experience, and all they aim at is to save us from those nasty things which they might have probably fallen into before.

At some point, even those whom I thought were my friends from school stopped paying visits to my house, and we only met at school.

So I got married to books and in them I found serenity. They helped me explore worlds I had never thought existed. And books have ever since become family and friends to me.

It wasn't as if I had never had a "friend" before. I always thought, and I still think that those with whom I mingled only talked to me out of pity for me. Because after high school, they all went their ways - no phone calls, no WhatsApp messages, no Facebook messages, just blank.

Life happens right? I thought university would be different. I thought I would be able to meet those with whom I shared the same vibes, but it seems the air of "friendlessness" that had been following me still followed me up until the university.

I have been trying hard to blend and feel Among, but man... Books I think will be the only thing I can confide in, then the poems with which I explain my emotions.

Should I keep on being the old me?

Years have passed by, and I still feel the same. Morning books, afternoon books and nighttime books + dreams books. But I want a change - I want to explore, I want to fall in love with anything other than books, I want to feel human. How can I achieve this?

I've seen girls go out to have fun, mind you... I don't want crazy fun that'll end me up in seas of regret. I want to be free to lay on soft grasses and gaze upon the sky on warm nights. Or maybe travel to places and capture nature in the camera of my head, as memories.

Whatever may be, however it turns out, I know this year shouldn't be spent by me being the old boring girl. It's a new year resolution - explore.