Why can't you just say it out loud? Why do you have to be such a dick about it? Just say it and have done with it! SAY IT!
......F.F.S. you just say the words.
You think you're different.
Well, hate to break it to ya, but you and half the world feel like that. But the secret is I really am.
For all your thinking, over analysing and angst, yu forgot that your world revolves around you right here. Here, whether you feel like you own control of it or not. Here where you ve got a past, live the present and look to the future.
I have none of those things. I was born in a lab, so I don't have a past. I'm kept in that same lab whilst they perform all these tests on me; so much for my present! And hell, don't even get me started on my lack of future possibilities.. Lite sucks to be me!
You see, I'm what they call a clone. I have zero rights. They claim I'm genetically human, but that I'm devoid of human soul as I wasn't "birthed" in the traditional sense. I was grown in a test tube and raised in a science lab. I've been experimented on ever since then, to test everything from the effects of household products on my skin, to subliminal effects of advertising on my brain. In short, my only worth to humanity ( and the scientists that judge these things) is that I'm expendable. My kind can be grown again, used again, replicated, decimated. End of.
A clone. Now do you feel so bad? A bio-engineered meat sack that shares the human traits. Yet I've never been loved, never been schooled, never had my rights so don't know what it's like to have them taken away. I was born a scientific tool, a nothing. I mean nothing beyond what I can help prove or disprove, I'm worthless.
Or so I thought...until I met him. The Janitor, Tony.
It started with his singing, I always liked his singing The way his voice cracked at the high notes, and rumbled low at the base. I'd never been taught to appreciate the sheer frivolity of it, the joy of hearing it. It just started from the darkness of our tanks as he passed down the hallway. and in that darkness, in my endless expanse ot nothingness.. there was something And it mad me smile!
Imagine that. Nothing me, the clone who feels nothing other than pain or relief. The nothing me with no soul, no sense of proper self because it's thought better we don't possess such things. We the meat sacks, the nothing's who science can use and benefit from.. but we don't sutter, we can't sutter cos we're not real
people right: WRONG. Just saying we have no soul makes you feel better about what you're doing to us. How you're doing it. The nothings have no sense of self identity, they're vacant units no lights on at home. You're so full of crap!
I smiled..and I kept smiling even before he arrived next day, and the next... | started to anticipate his passing by. My foot would start tapping And later, when they were using a scalpel to make a minor bicep, I started to incision to my hum. Can you believe it?...I just did it. I was humming as it it were the most natural thing and man, they were FREAKED.
I mean, I was meant to be this slab of human nothingness and I was humming like I was a regular person or Something And you know why I did it? Ya know why I just came out with it exactly like Tony the Janitor..because F-me it felt good! I felt crappy and it made me feel better! That's why I did it. I wanted to feel something more than the pain, the blandness, the monotony... I wanted just to be feeling something better ...so I did what Tony did, and I FELT GOOD.
Yes, they freaked. They positively had me anaesthetized to such an extent I didn't feel anything again tor a long time. I was out back in my tank for so long I lost track of time. I'm not saying that's a bad thing When you have a shitty life like mine that time freeze stuff can be a bonus. But inside my tank, in the darkness, in the monotonous hour to hour to day to week.. I found myself thinking. More and more I was thinking.. more and more I was singing in my head Tony's song to while away the boredom, the tedium, the HORROR of my life.VAnd you know what, YES it did still feel good. W.TE should I NOT be allowed to sing Or even allowed to sing in my thoughts? Why is that so dangerous to them? WHY?
I'm not sure now what time of day it is. They messed with my meds and use me less frequently now. I lost track of when Tony is duc, so I think I hear him all the time in the hallway outside now. But I don't. I'm not sure what that says about my sanity, or whether it says more about my humanity. But I miss him, and I miss his singing; and how good that singing used to make me feel.
I overheard the lab assistants saying I was scheduled for termination but the doctor reassigned me to the Virulent Diseases Section. Seems I'm to be terminated either way. I guess at least they'll get a cure for cancer out of me or the like. At least I'm serving humanity and I have a purpose then, a something..a something more than a nothing right? Is that it? Or am I just a nothing with aspirations of grandeur?
And as I lye here in the dark emptiness of my tank, an empty shell. Nothing in nothing worth nothing. I hum Tony's tune and it's everything in my own world. It's everything to me!
And I wonder..am I so different to them? I mean it seemed to make Tony happy and he's human right? It makes me happy too, ergo...am I human too? Am I more than the nothing they claim me to be?
And you thought you were having a bad day! I'm in the dark of a tank in a lab that nobody knows about, and I'ma meat sack created for experiments. You thought I didn't exist. You thought... they wouldn't do that...They couldn't do that we'd know, we'd hear!
NEWSFLASH for ya...you're wrong!
The end.