Taking the Inward Out Approach

When approaching relationships, (friendships, intimate partnerships, business or other professional relationships) do you think first about the things that the other party can or should do for you or do you try to understand what that person wants and needs to determine whether you can provide those things? Are you always examining your cup to determine whether it's filled or not or do you think about whether you're filling the other party's cup?

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Waiting on a Promotion

Picture a man who goes to work every day, checks in on time, approaches his tasks in a haphazard way- completes some, ignores others, and then sits back, threads his fingers across his stomach, looks up at the ceiling and sighs. He does this every single day. Same pattern. Checks in on time. Performs tasks. Looks up at the ceiling and sighs.

One day, a colleague stops and asks him, "My friend, why do you sit back every day after you complete your tasks and look up at the ceiling so sadly?"

And he replies, "My employer has not given me a pay increase or a promotion though I want one."

And of course, we would all like to be given a promotion or some extra benefit in whatever job we perform, right? So the colleague empathizes with the man, but then he asks, "Well, friend, what have you done to deserve the pay increase you seek?"

Filling Your Partner's Cup

And so, my friends, let's think of an intimate relationship. When you approach intimate relationships, do you think first of the things that you desire? Or do you try to ensure that you are excellent partners yourselves? What's your first focus? Do you check in to ensure that you are pouring into your partner's cup or are you gobbling up all the content that is in there constantly trying to assuage your own thirst?

Moving forward from intimacy and thinking of relationships and interactions in general, how do you show up? Do you seek to uplift the lives of those you interact with or are you always on the hunt for ways that other persons can enrich yours?

Persons who enter relationships thinking first of what they can get out of it or what other people can do for them are never really truly happy because they have taken an outward-in approach and their happiness is dependent on who someone else is or what someone else does.

What Can I Do For You?

I had a supervisor once, and every time we went to his office, he would say, "What can I do for you?" I loved that approach. He asked us, "How can I fill your cup?" It was never a matter of, "What do you have for me?" And so, by his opening line, he set us at ease.

This man was, arguably, the most content and self-assured supervisor that I knew. While the work climate was not perfect, he tried really hard to inject positivity into everything that he did, and he always thought first of what he could bring to the table to make things better for everyone rather than what he could take from it to make things better for himself. And get this, he was able to inspire his staff to accomplish so much simply because of his humble approach, starting with what can I do for you?

Looking at the man/ woman in the mirror

Very often we travel through life thinking that we are on one side of a window and the world is on the other. And so, we look out at others, we formulate opinions about others, we weigh, we measure, and we judge.

I propose today that rather than treat life like a window, we should think of it as a mirror: we don't see through it, but instead it reflects back to us. And so, when we project and judge, that energy is not going out, it's ricocheting back to us.

If we think of life as a mirror, and we wake up every morning and look at ourselves and try to determine how we can be better people, how we can improve, how we can make a positive mark, then I think, we won't be sitting, fingers threaded across our stomachs, looking up at the sky and sighing because we expect something or someone in our lives to show up the way we want them to.

We will find inner peace and understanding within ourselves and we will reflect that peace outwards, and so strengthen our relationships by being better partners/ friends/ colleagues, etc., ourselves. We will fill our own cups and may even be able to add to the cups of others.

Of course, where there is light there is shadow, and so we may sometimes cross paths with persons who are like sponges, who absorb energy and give nothing in return, but I don't think we should let that, who that person or those persons might be at that time in their lives determine who we are, right? Instead, we should stay true to who we are when we look in the mirror. We must continue to focus on who we will be. We must continue to work on improving ourselves and on leaving a positive mark on our relationships and on the world.

So rather than thinking about what others are doing to impact us, we can approach our relationships with, what can I do for you. Makes sense?

We don't absorb negativity, we exude light.

And when we do that, when we focus instead on what we put out into the world rather than what we expect to receive on the world, we can manage the impact we have on others, and at some point in their lives, others (even those who may not be in the best space at present) can grow to reflect and also adopt an inward out approach, not thinking of life as a window, but rather looking into the mirror to see how they too can improve. And right there, a positive cycle begins. We give light, we receive light. Yeah?

Have an awesome day, my friends. We will connect again soon.