Children are not a fad

Children are a blessing. They are beautiful, they are precocious, they make us laugh, they warm our hearts. Children are also a huge responsibility.

We are never completely prepared for children until they enter our lives, however I believe that it is important to understand that we should have a certain amount of maturity and level of preparedness before deciding to have children.

Children are not a fad. We shouldn't just choose to make children because it seems to be the trending thing to do or to satisfy selfish desires. Children deserve more.

I am often sad when I hear reports of teenaged pregnancies. This does not mean that I judge the mother's morals, far from it. I understand that there many reasons why a teenager may become pregnant and some reasons have absolutely nothing to do with the morals of the pregnant teen herself. In the same vein though, I am concerned that a teenager is yet a child and, for the most part, is therefore not mature enough to be a parent.

Personally, I believe that having a child should be a decision and not simply left to occur as an accident. It should never be a case of, oops, I think I'm pregnant. And I think the responsibility to ensure that such an accident does not occur lies with both parties- male and female. Also, as far as possible, I believe that pregnancy should be a mutual decision that is shared by both parents because I think that it's a responsibility that should also be shared.

Very often we have parents making decisions for themselves. A woman, for example, may think that it's the best thing for her to do to have a child and she may determine that she does not need the support or active involvement of a father. A father may think that he can financially provide for his children and that his money and the occasional visit will suffice in terms of his presence in his child's life. In situations like these, no one is thinking of what the child may want and need.

Recently, there's been quite the furor as a popular international entertainer has come under fire for fathering children with multiple women. Of course, as entertainers go, he doesn't seem to be paying attention to this outcry, but it gave me cause to pause for a moment and reflect.

I grew up without my dad. My parents were young parents. I believe that they loved each other dearly. I know that they loved each other dearly, in fact, but I do not think that they were mature enough to be parents. They were teen parents. I was two years old when they separated and for years, until he died and even for years after, I ached for my dad.

I had a stepfather who tried really hard, but it was not the same. He was not my dad and we both knew it. I adored my father and I grew up with a hole in my heart, yearning for him.

I do not condemn my parents, there are many reasons why their relationship did not work, but it was certainly a factor that I thought of before I became a parent. I wanted a husband whose background was stable, who came from a complete family, who had strong family values and who was prepared to be a good and stable and present father to our children. I have been blessed to find such a partner in my husband.

Over the years as our children grew, I have seen how his presence has played an important role in the lives of our children. My heart warms at his love and devotion.

Recently, I saw a post by @Olasquare celebrating his baby girl's second birth and I was excited to see it because I love to see active parents, in particular fathers, caring for their babies and openly showing them love.

Children deserve active and involved parents who are committed to their upbringing and to providing them with a stable home, ensuring that they raise them with love and impart the morals and values necessary for them to grow to become good and strong and stable citizens contributing to society.

This is not to say that a child cannot grow to become these things without committed parents or that the presence of committed parents is a guarantee for a child to become strong, upstanding and committed, but I do not think that any of us can disagree with the fact that this is an important ingredient. And so, when you read reports like those of the entertainer who has tons of money but multiple children growing up in single parent homes, it raises the question, can money compensate for a parent's active presence? I don't think it can.

Can holidays and fun getaways compensate? I don't think it can.

As I said, you never fully understand until you become a parent that children is a huge responsibility. And once they are here, you cannot timetable them into your available hours. They are here and they are your responsibility 24/7. And this is a sacred role that, as parents, we should really take seriously.

In a previous post, I referred to an angry child who attacked his peer with a sharpened pencil. I do not know what this child's living circumstances are, but I think addressing situations like this requires the committed presence of both parents, and too often, sadly, cases of delinquency occur in single parent homes where one parent or the other is absentee or in homes where parents are unsettled, failing to take their roles seriously, and not providing the stable foundation that every child needs.

Of course, my friends, these are my personal beliefs and I respect everyone's right to have a different opinion. But tell me, what do you think? Do you think parents should be prepared and committed to actively raising children before they become parents? Or do you think that this is not as important in the 21st century as I am making it out to be? I'd love to hear your thoughts, my friends.

Thank you for your time and attention.

All the above pictures are mine.