Be the friend you want to have

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2 years ago

In my introductory post here on read.cash, I confessed to you guys that I guard my space jealously. As such, I can be very chatty, very garrulous, the life of the party if I wanted to be, but at heart, I am an introvert. My favorite time and place is alone. My favorite pastime is reading and I do not find joy in activities that force me to step away from my shell. And I don't think this is because I'm antisocial, not really. It's more because I am protective of my space.

There are a few people that I connect with and that I let in. They are my inner circle. They do not force me to be anyone but myself. They are understanding, compassionate and loving friends, and I have been able to learn and grow a lot as a result of these relationships.

And so, for this blog, I've been thinking about relationships and the advice I might have given to a younger me when I was just still exploring and trying to understand the world, and forging the relationships that helped to define my later existence. And I came up with two very simple, key, foundational guidelines that would inform everything else. They are:

  • Be very conscientious about the people you invite into your inner circle. Select friends of principle and value and compassion, and

  • Be the friend you want to have

Under these umbrella guidelines, these are my thoughts:

You don't have to be friends with everyone

Image courtesy Pixabay

What are the things that they your friends into? Are these things that you are comfortable with being aligned with?

At one time, when I was younger, I used to think that I had to exert myself and I had to be friends with every single person I met, and so I took every rejection personally. The truth is though, in friendships, as in everything in life, quality matters before quantity. You can have tons of friends, loose connections, who won't lift a finger to support you if you ever need them, and then you have really close friends who would give you the world.

Friends have common interests

Image courtesy Pixabay

To be friends with someone, you must have somethings in common or else, what do you connect on? And so, be mindful of that when you're friends with someone.

What are the things that they your friends into? Are these things that you are comfortable being aligned with?

Your friends should be people of principle and value and compassion.

Your friends are not an extension of you

While you may have common interests and shared values, your friends are still individuals and for your relationship to be healthy, you should be able to respect that.

You won't be together all the time. You won't do the things the exact same way all the time. But if you're a true friend, even when your approach to a situation may differ, you'd support your friend all the way through.

Sometimes, as friends, you may disagree even. But again, if you're true friends, you won't allow simple differences of opinion to tear you apart. After all, if you were conscientious about building healthy relationships that were well aligned from the very beginning, then even when you have differences of opinion, at the core fundamental level, you'd still have the same value system.

Image courtesy Pixabay

Don't measure the value of your friends by the things they own

I've heard it tell that you should only network within your income bracket. I don't know, for me, money should never define who you are or who you should hang out with. It should always be about finding good people, no matter what their material possessions may, where they live, or what they look like. To me, friendships are like soul connections, and a connection that is so deep should not be debased by a close assessment of each other's net worth.

Your friends see who you are inside, and that goes beyond the things you may own or what you may look like.

Image courtesy Pixabay

Your energy won't match everyone's

Sometimes you'd meet people you won't hit it off with. You'd probably want to be friends with them, but instinctively, there is no connection, you don't mesh, it's not a good fit. In those situations, as long as you are your best self, be at peace with the fact that you'd never be great friends with that person and it's fine.

Think of yourself as a magnet. There are those people you'd hit it off with, and there are those your energy would repel, for whatever reason. Accept it and move on.

Be the friend you want to have

Image courtesy Pixabay

Ultimately, at the end of it all, rather than focus outward with a list of the things you want to see in other people, you might be better served to be that person. Be the friend you want to have:

  • A friend who is empathetic

  • A friend who is a good listener

  • A friend who is a good sport and has a good sense of humor

  • A friend who is principled, who has a strong value system and a high moral compass

  • A friend who is loyal and trustworthy

  • A friend who is able to forgive

Those are my thoughts on fostering great relationships, guys. But I'd like to know, when you are choosing to be friends with someone, like real, close friends, how do you go about it? Is there an instant connection, a spark, you hit it off and the rest is history? Or are you a bit more cautious? Do you just allow for the relationship to grow organically? Or do you take some time before you allow someone into your inner circle? I'd love to know your thoughts on this one.

Well, guys, that's it for me today. Take care and please be safe.

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2 years ago

Comments

Our deeds may fetch a friend or enemy. Nobody knows what is available at the end. Getting a friend is a lifetime gift or a lotto. PS. The pic of the friendly hands seems to be Indian! Do you like India?

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2 years ago

Well, I've never been to India, but the pictures I've seen are lovely, so who knows? I just might love it there. I'd say this though, while I can't position myself as much of an expert, Indian culture and customs, based on what I have been exposed to, are rich and intriguing. The clothes is beautiful, the dance is fascinating, most of the people that I have met are warm and kind, and the food, the food, Indian food is divine.

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2 years ago

I may blush because I am from India!

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2 years ago

This response truly made me smile. You must certainly share more of your culture with us.

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2 years ago

I will. But, a closer look may bring you to discover some truth, which is not pleasant.

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2 years ago