@Totles

Being an Instrument of the Universe (Part 5): The Small Homecoming After twenty years of holding back, the author explores the profound exhaustion of being an "instrument" for the world while having no home for their own soul. It is a raw reflection on reaching a state of numbness, the search for a divine embrace that remains unseen, and the eventual surrender to God’s silence as the only remaining sanctuary. Twenty years is an incredibly long time to stay awake. Since I was…

# Part 4: The Restless Rest I opened my eyes today, but I didn't feel awake. They say sleep is a sanctuary, a place where the world stops demanding things from you. But for me, last night was anything but a sanctuary. I started this day with a body that hasn't truly recovered and a mind that feels like it’s been wandering through a thick, cold mist for hours. How can you truly recharge when your thoughts are still running a marathon in the dark? Even when the espresso…

At Point Zero (Between the Machine and the Soul) If life were an espresso machine, then tonight, I am the lever that has lost its spring. Under the dim, pale yellow glow of the cafe lights, I stand, but I do not feel present. My palms rest against the cold steel of the portafilter, a sharp contrast to the occasional bursts of hot steam that hit my face, leaving a heavy dampness on my skin. Customers come and go like flickering shadows; the clinking of spoons and the low hum…

Moving Automatically: The Mask and The Robot The world doesn't stop spinning just because I feel empty. After my "Point Zero" post, my body still had to be out there—facing the dust, the road, and demands that couldn't care less about feelings. There were no miracles. There was only a choice: to sink completely or to keep stepping, even without any sensation left. Exhaust fumes, sweat, deafening noise, stiff muscles, the scorching sun, and the most exhausting thing of all:…

Titik Nol: Humanizing Web3 at 29. I am 29 years old, and right now, I feel empty. There is a heavy burden on my shoulders, but I don't know how to explain it. Everyone tells me that I should be strong and brave, but honestly, I feel too exhausted to be either of those right now. This morning, as I prepared for work, so many worries came up. I feel lazy to even move because I can't control the uncertainty ahead. I wish all the answers to my problems could be answered right…