What to Do if You're Married to a Jerk

It happens to a lot of people. You fall in love, and the romantic phase can blind you to your partner's imperfections. Unfortunately, later you may realize that your spouse is really a jerk.

Overview

You think your mate will change. Or that you can help bring out the best in them. You hope that in time, the difficult aspects of your spouse's personality will go away. But in the vast majority of cases, it simply does not happen.

The result is that you may find yourself married to a person you don't like. Comments from others, such as "You should have known better," or "Didn't you see it while dating" won't help. Maybe you did miss some red flags or ignore some warnings, but that doesn't change the current situation.

Types of Difficult Spouses

Behavior or personality traits that you don't like or don't agree with are not the same as abusive behavior. If you are facing abuse, ask for help from a doctor, therapist, shelter, or hotline.

Coping Strategies

Personality compatibility is an important characteristic of happy relationships. The irritating habits and activities of a spouse can drive you up the wall just like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet. If ignored, it only gets worse.

As soon as you start to realize you are in this predicament, take action right away. Don't let the resentment build until you explode. 

There is hope for this situation. However, it does take honest and caring communication. Remember that you also have behaviors and traits that annoy your partner.

Counseling

It can be helpful to go to couples counseling to work on your relationships together. Marriage is hard. People tend to bring their best selves to dating and then relax, sometimes into rude or mean behaviors, once married. But with effort, you can turn in a more positive direction—together.

A Word From Verywell

It is important to remember, however, that no one needs to remain in an unhappy marriage. If your marriage is not improving or if your spouse is not interested in changing, then consider your options to ensure your happiness.