It's no secret that we put in a lot of time and effort when we're with other people to appear confident on the surface because we don't have a choice. People, whether they realize it or not, are incredibly judgmental. When we appear confident and self-assured, we use an evolutionary technique called measuring others up. People unconsciously rank us higher on their social hierarchy, which is why how you dress, the strength behind your voice, and your posture while entering a room are all important. All of these factors have a significant impact on how people treat you. The strange thing is that many of us feel a significant gap between the person we're attempting to portray in the world and who we are as individuals. No matter how rigorously we beautify ourselves, how obsessively we keep up with the current trends, or how quick-witted and witty our demeanor is, it all feels like a gigantic facade, as if we're just putting on a show.
We don't have much faith. We're putting lipstick on a pig, which is a problem because the harder you try to act confident in the real world, the less people believe you. They can tell if the smile is false since fraudulent smiles are so obvious. I believe that one of the reasons why so many of us lack confidence and stability is that we are overlooking a concept that is basic to our psychology: while we are quite good at judging and sizing up other people, our brain employs the same method to judge and size up ourselves. We are flies on the wall of our own life, constantly judging what we say, think, and do. We are continually judging the things we say, the thoughts we entertain, and the habits we engage in as if we were a fly on the wall of our own lives.
This ongoing observation occurs without our conscious knowledge since it is subconscious knowledge, and our subconscious is constantly studying us and taking notes on how our lifestyle compares to our value system. And as time passes, our subconscious absorbs more facts to build an opinion about ourselves, just as it does about other people. As a result, the longer we live in opposition to our values, the lower our opinion of ourselves will become. So we'd have poor self-esteem, low self-confidence, and low self-efficacy if we had a negative impression of ourselves. Then there's a significant chance that your subconscious has noticed that you live your life in a way that goes against your core values.
This is where affirmation culture goes astray. It seems nice and useful to gaze in the mirror and tell yourself that you are powerful and strong, that you are attractive, that you attract wealth, that you attract women, that you attract men, that you attract everyone. However, if you look in the mirror and say one thing and then conduct in the other way, your subconscious is more difficult to deceive.
Your subconscious isn't misled because it saw you do it. It'll say things like, "Wow, this guy never does what he says he'll do," and "I'm going to utilize this information to construct a self-doubt complex that will pervade every aspect of his life and dealings with others, especially women."
The insidious thing about our subconscious is that it has a lot greater influence on our mood, mindset, and entire mental state than we probably think. This is due to the fact that our subconscious is responsible for about 90% of our entire brain function. So, how should we act in its presence? Isn't it self-evident that everything is the key to life's confidence?
The key to feeling self-assured is to take your relationship with your subconscious more seriously and recognize that you can create a partnership and friendship with it, rather than doubling down and caring more about what other people think of you. That sounds both insane and spiritual to me. And you might be thinking to yourself, "What is this person saying?"
However, if you want to improve your relationship with your subconscious, one of the best ways to do it is to treat it like any other relationship and devote time to getting to know the other person. Take some time to ask yourself some critical questions so that you may better understand yourself and discover what your underlying value system is so that you can live in accordance with it.
They exist in your mind, whether you realize it or not, and your brain is always comparing your conduct to these ideals. So it's critical to spend some time figuring out what you consider to be a good and honorable person, because there's a lot of truth in these underlying ideas, and sometimes these beliefs are skewed and need to be corrected, and you need to create healthier ideals and expectations of yourself. So, a fantastic approach to do this is to go through the whole process of writing this things down and going deep on your own, and then attempt to figure out if this value system is actually valuable for you.
Are you holding yourself to unrealistic expectations, or are these healthy and good ideals to have? Either way, there's no getting around the fact that if you want to improve your self-esteem, your actions and values must align. and for that to happen, either your behaviors or your ideals must alter. You'll probably realize that you're on your own side more than you realize as you go through this procedure. When your conscious and subconscious minds are on the same page, you'll notice that your personality is more consistent.