Don't rush to shower yourself with positive thoughts
Talking about life these days, it seems that I am a goblin that has lived for a long time and is hundreds of years old. But, are you like me, who often think about 'weird' things in this life? I don't know if you agree or not, but I often feel like the world's sensitivity has become more and more recent. Oh, sorry, not the world, but the people.
The proof? I take one phenomenon, namely toxic positivity. Quoting from the thread Dr. Jiemi Ardian as a psychiatrist, toxic positivity is a form of ineffective overgeneralization of a happy and optimistic state in all life situations. The goal is to deny or negate the suffering and emotions of the interlocutor, and immediately expect him to be positive.
In an increasingly complex life, human emotions also seem to metamorphose into becoming more sensitive. Now, having positive thoughts is not always good because positive energy has its own dark side. This dark side can be addressed not only to others, but also to ourselves. For example, when we encourage other people who are in trouble, giving the wrong positive energy will only make them feel down because they don't understand. He just wants to be heard and understood.
Likewise for ourselves, maybe we are talking about ourselves too often, so that we unconsciously deny the pain we are experiencing. This rejection of pain is definitely not good. It's the same as subconsciously cultivating pain and waiting for a ticking time bomb when this sadness, pain, disappointment, and anger explodes in time. The best way is to admit and understand that we are not okay. We don't need to rush to shower ourselves with positive thoughts and spirits. Precisely the attitude of feeling and accepting these negative emotions will make us more honest in facing reality.
We are required to be smart and be able to adapt to the conditions when we will spread positive and optimistic words to the other person. When there is a misinterpretation between the recipient of the message and the sender of the message, this will only make things worse. So what should we do? When the intention is sincere to give encouragement, it doesn't always go smoothly. Let's find out how to avoid toxic positivity!
First, it is classified as toxic positivity when the sentence uttered contains elements of denying emotion. The element of denying this emotion can be seen in situations that encourage someone to continuously look at the good side of life, without giving the interlocutor room to express what he feels. The attitude of ignoring the emotions of the interlocutor will cause a sense of dwarfism for people who are experiencing difficulties.
On the one hand he feels unheard, and on the other hand it can make him feel guilty for feeling these emotions. So, it's a good idea to try to be good listeners to their complaints without rushing to spread positive spirits. Through listening, we can better understand and sympathize with what he is feeling. We also give him space to feel that the negative energy he feels is not a mistake. That it's okay to not feel okay.
Next, let's learn to distinguish the forms of support and toxic positivity. These examples of sentences do not always mean toxic positivity. Again, we can adjust its use according to the circumstances, conditions, and with the people we are going to talk to. Maybe for a close friend, the barbaric form of words of encouragement decorated with swearing is a true form of empathy and affection, rather than formal sentences and politeness according to good and correct Indonesian language rules. I feel that way too.
When I confide in friends, it's not a string of sweet rhymes full of heart emojis, but sentences like the proven attendance of a safari park resident that makes me laugh and relax myself. For the future, let's be more introspective of sentences in the form of "You can definitely handle it!", but we can try to convey "This is indeed difficult. But you've done much harder things before and I believe in you."
Next, the phrase “Just be positive!” can be replaced with “I know there's a lot that could go wrong. What could go right?” Another example, say “Stop being negative!” we can say "It's okay, it's normal to be pessimistic about this matter." And of course, one of the hype mantras among millennials right now is “Good vibes only!”, which has now gone to become “All vibes are welcome here!”
Finally, in expressing the problem, of course, it cannot be separated from the cooperation of both parties. Both the listener and the speaker must be able to position themselves. If you just want to be heard, say at the beginning 'just want to get out of your mind' as well as when asking for advice, "ask for advice". Or as a listener, find out first if he just wants to be heard or at the same time needs advice. Be a person who has a problem and finding a person to talk to is not easy. Feelings of being judged and belittled often haunt before looking for a place to tell a story. Of course, don't respond with the answer 'talking with God is the right way'. Well, that argument is not wrong.
However, as social beings and created by God to complement and need each other, confirms the fact that the spirit of fellow human beings is something we still need. On the other hand, being the go-to person to hear about other people's problems is a really great thing. Why not? It shows that he is having a hard time, entrusting us to accompany him. So, we should not immediately label someone as a person with negative energy and should not also judge the other person as toxic positivity to what he said.
This may seem trivial at first glance, as I thought it was at first. However, I realized that this is not only about me personally, but also the feelings of my interlocutor in the future. I even had time to think, maybe all this time I've been a toxic positivity over other people's circumstances. I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist or doctor.
This article departs from personal feelings and experiences that I recently realized when the enthusiasm I gave to a friend was answered with, "Yes, you are so good, there are no hardships in life". Even though I just don't belong to the group of people who write confused sentences on snapgrams or suddenly delete whatsapp profile photos and blue ticks. There are things that I just feel alone and then heal myself or on another level I tell a few people I care about. Okay, enough.
