Scribbled Thoughts

Monday, 23 May

Feels like I've been burning the midnight candle and can't really sleep cause I have been thinking a lot about a lot of things and one thing that keeps popping up in mind is being in awkward situations when it comes to romantic relationships. Like a situationships or entanglements or whatever kids call it today. For the life of me I can't stop thinking about it. I don't find myself in such situation if you think that's what I'm insinuating.

I'm talking in situations like, falling in love with two people at the same time; falling in love with someone who's married or in a relationship that they can't necessarily get out of; cheating on your partner with their sibling; falling in love with your Boss at work; being caught in love triangle like pining for your best friend who's pining for your sister/brother or something like that; falling for you older sibling's best friend knowing they have a reputation for being a player; I mean the list goes on and on and on... and you know no matter how you look at it or try to rationalise or justify it, it just won't end well. Almost like pain is inevitable.

It's just, it's easy to judge people in that sort of situation when you're on the outside looking in, yeah? Sometimes, I wonder why people put or find themselves in such awkward situations only to come to the realisation that it's not necessarily of their own volition. The Heart simply wants what it wants even at the expense of your mental health. What keeps me having hope for people caught in such a situation is that I desperately hope that in the end they find the strength to choose themselves cause at the end of the day, they almost always get the brunt of it all.

I just think it's sad sometimes when the thing or person that you love the most is the thing or person hurting you the most. It's saddening. It like hits you like a somber wave washing over you at times I think.

"What's happening is that I'm allured by all of your existence, and I can't hide it from you. You noticed the physical effect you have on me and felt my stare. Now you should probably know I'm falling for you? But if you ask me that I won't admit it is actually because I know it's one-sided. I know I'll have to get over this. It's just hard when your face is so close. And so beautiful."

So that quote right there is actually from someone who's in one of those kinds of situationship. They find themselves falling in love with their married Boss. Love is supposed to be this beautiful thing you know. This wonderful, euphoric feeling that lets you go through life like you're walking on sunshine you know, everything is brighter and nothing can soil that feeling and you just know it's gonna be that way, always... up until it's tainted by the fact that the one person you've fallen for, the one person that makes you feel like a million bucks, the one person that makes everything make sense in your world is the one person you can't have or love proudly. Sucks, doesn't it?

I can hope that I don't find myself in this situation ever cause I don't think it's something I can handle. I don't know if you picked up on this but I'm a huge believer of love. I am a lover of love and no one can take that away from me. I love everything about love. All the way down to the expression of love whether it be cheesy and/or meaningful. The love we give to our friends, family, strangers even. I love love.

Damn! I've said a lot haven't I? I should better end it on this high note cause if you let me I could write a whole ass essay on just expressions of love before I get down to love languages, gestures and etc... but I'm gonna spare you all that and table it for a later date. Farewell!

Image source- pixabay.com