My Cursed February

While doing my very best to entertain myself just to forget what I am going through now, there is one thing I suddenly realized and that is why does my February seemed cursed. I mean, it's not only this year but it was also happened to me from the previous Februaries last years. Seems like the only thing February brings me is pain, heartbreak and stress.

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Let's start from the year where my cursed February started;

It was on the month of February year 2018, this is the time where I was a graduating senior high school student. Basically since it was on January, me and my classmates only have 3 months left of being together in one section before we separated our ways for college. I have a classmate this year who has a crush on me but he didn't know that I have a crush on him too but because I was known for being shy in our classroom, no one knew about my feelings to him even my circle of friends. Let's call him CJ, CJ has an ambivert personality, his friends always teases us whenever he makes a move to me just to notice him. What I liked about him is his skills, he's also into art which is one of the reasons why I liked him. Until we started talking to each other through chat for months. This time, I fell inlove with him even more until the month of February came. He suddenly stopped talking to me. When we are at classroom, he will just smile at me when we see each other until I knew that he is already courting someone na pala through his IG post. This is the start of my heartbreak in this month, specifically on that year.

One year later, in the same month of 2019. The one of my most unforgettable heartbreak happened. I've already shared my story of us here, its title was "How did I overcome my first heartbreak". To be exact, my first time I cried over a man was on February 16, 2019, at night. That is when he just suddenly ghosted me and found out that he and his ex had their comeback. As usual, I was left again. So all I did the next days from this month was to cry.

One year later (2020) in the same month again. This is before the pandemic happened. Our cat named Nana lost. He didn't die but he just suddenly didn't go home from our canteen which he lives. Again, my february became painful to me for the 3rd time as I've been crying for Nana to comeback.

February 2021, me and my ex had a numerous fight during this time. Our fight caused me so much stress to the point that he no longer talk to me to fix the problems. Fortunately, this is also the month where I started my journey on noise.cash, so I spent most of my time on noise just to divert my attention from the cause of my stress. But still, my whole February this year is full of stress.

One year later again, February 2022. Me and my ex (same person from last year) had no proper conversation from the previous months, I noticed that he also changed from how he talks to me. Our relationship also had no formal breakup, he just didn't talk to me for 3 months, so I'm the one who did the first move to approach him since we don't see each other in person. He answers naman but most of the time, he's seems not interested with my stories. Currently, he's studying while me, I had to stop because of financial problem. Until just this 3rd of February, I saw his friend's post, his friend seemed teasing him to another girl (maybe one of his classmate now) and he answered it too with heart emojis. He no longer talks to me for months so for sure I'm not that girl.

Again, my heart was broken again for the 5th time, in the same months but different years. As of now, I'm in the process of moving on. It's so hard to be broken hearted during this time where I usually spend my whole day just in our house. But I know I can do it, even if it really hurts me now, I can still overcome it.

This is my reason why I don't post and interact that much here because of the heaviness in my heart these days. I wonder what would be the cause of my heartbreak naman next year's February. I hope that this curse will finally end this year hehe. I want to have a joyful February naman.

Thanks for your time!

Have a great night wonderful people ♡.