When I was still young I always taught myself that I would never ever be fall in love with someone to the point that I would cry for him. Love for me is just a joke and I don't want to talk about it at all before. Yes, that's the kind of mentality I had when I was young.
That kind of beliefs I had was slowly changes as I get mature and get along with a lot of people in my life. School days was one of the best part of our life because this were the years where we started to get confused and try new things in life. Like what other's say, The most happiest and unforgettable part of our life was happened during our high school to college years.
My Junior High School to Senior years was indeed unforgettable and I really enjoyed it from the beginning up to the end. But when it comes to my experiences, my college life recorded everything from it :). Before, I don't want to get involved with someone but then, I ate all of these words of mine when I fall in love with someone who's actually my classmate.
During my first year in college, before the start of second semester to be specific. I noticed his actions towards me, he seems to be very gentleman when I am around and I also observed that he's a bit shy or torpe but after a few weeks of trying to show off his feelings to me through his little actions he finally chatted me on messenger. And the marupok side of me finally breaks from its cage lol.
Who else of you will never fall inlove with someone who always there for you to help youu even though you didn't even asked it? He helped me with the things that made him struggle too, sometimes he didn't even slept for the whole night just to help me with my projects. He always treats me some foods I really loved, he never get tired of showing his feelings to me through this actions. Though I am still aware that he will show only the good side of him because he's still courting me but I just don't know, seems like I was blind during those time and I only focused on his good sides without thinking possible things to happen. I feel very special during those times. I am genuinely happy everytime we go out and eat our favorite food at our favorite place. I feel so safe and secured and most importantly I enjoyed every minute I spent with him. Yes, I ate all the words I always told to my self before. I just fell in love with someone and I am so happy being with him.
But he was suddenly changed...
All of a sudden he just left me without any words. He never replied to my last message to him. I feel like I was left alone hanging in the air and hoping he would comeback and save me... but he never did. After ghosting me, just a few days after I saw his MyDay on facebook, a photo of a girl with a heart emoji on it. I don't know what to feel after seeing it.. All I can do was to cried the whole night but I managed my self not to reach out him of what he just did to me because I believe that he will realized these things soon and I don't want to chase or beg for someone who already left me just because he already found a new one.
The most difficult part of my situation that time was.. he's still my classmate. So it's pretty difficult for me to move on if I keep on seeing his face and his ex at our classroom. Yes, it was his ex :) (Comeback is real sila).
I think It took me 1 month to move on from that scenario. I was crying every night thinking of why he did that me. My world has seems to be so heavy especially my heart. I don't want to be alone because I will just think of him again and again. It really hurts me everytime I see them at our campus being together, having the most sweetest moments of their life.
He's not even approaching me anymore after what he did to me. We were back at being strangers again. I never received any "sorry" from him too and that made me get mad of him even more.
After all what happened to me, all the happy memories was all replaced by hatred. He just used me just to forget his ex...
And that hatred helped me to remove my feelings from him, to forget him too and all the memories we had as well.
I also realized that such way of moving on from him isn't really helpful at all. I realized that, it's not the hate that made me get over from him totally.. It's actually the acceptance. I taught myself to accept it with all my heart and understanding of what I am just right now, it already happened and I have nothing to do with it. My world isn't only running on him, I took it as a sign to focus on my studies instead and continue my life without him. Until one day I just woke up being genuinely happy again, I feel so free and that is one of the most satisfying feelings I've felt in my whole life.
Even though I never received any apologies from him, time is the best healer and I already forgive him for that.
Months passed by and we still not appoaching each other, until one day he finally did. He messaged me directly and he keeps on saying sorry for what he have done to me, for suddenly leaving me that cause me so much pain, he promised before that he will never did such things to me but he failed. He also said that they were no longer together with her ex and seems like he wants to comeback to me again but I refused. I already forgive him and I am happy now.
I have no time for playboys.
Thanks for reading! ♡♡♡
Images used:
https://www.pinterest.ph/pin/577023771009073399/
https://www.pinterest.ph/pin/422705115030480545/
If you have some time you could also visit my account and read some of my articles :)
