Islam

When I used to veil myself, I once went to a friend's house thirty meters away in the dark in the early morning without wearing a veil. I thought I would come! I will not wear a veil, I will leave when it is dark. But while talking to him, I did not realize that the light of day had dawned. Oh God, how can I go now! Everything looked sparkling clear. It wasn't that cold, it was any kind of cold but in a moment everything was shrouded in fog. I was surprised where the fog suddenly came from! At the same time I came home with a smile of victory in the state, no one could see me. Yahoo! what fun That day I felt like the closest servant of Allah, and it seemed like a miracle.

When I was reciting the Qur'an in a sweet tone at night, and my mother would come to me hearing the sound of my Qur'an and say, recite a little Ayatul Kursi to me in your voice. I felt like the happiest person when I used to read Ayatul Kursi to my mother. When I used to fast the seeds during the days including the Monday-Thursday fast, Daroon worked a treat. I am fasting according to the Sunnah of my Prophet. What could be better than this?

When a foreigner Mahram used to come to our house, when I hurriedly entered my house, when I would occasionally hit the door with pain, I felt that this was my victory in the battle of Uhud. Along with that there was a smile of victory in the state. Let no one see.

When I talked about religion with Nusrat, Aisha, Zakia, Tahira, Maryam, I felt like I was sitting in the greatest Majlis in the world and learning about religion.

When I woke up early in the morning and prayed Fajr and walked, I breathed in the green-fresh glow of nature, I felt like I had no sigh, all had taken leave.

When I used to recite the Sirat, the fountain of tears flowed down the two sides, I felt that it would have been better if I had been there.

When I read Baitullah's Musafi's book, I held the Kaaba in my heart, how satisfied I was to imagine it.

The hurt, pain and suffering given by people did not show a line on my chest, I used to smile. I said to myself, I am waiting, I wish peace for my afterlife Alhamdulillah! I used to imagine about paradise. As if there was eternal peace in imagination.

During the twenty-seven days of fasting in the month of Ramadan, when I finish the Quran, I feel like I am victorious.

Late at night, when I was crying while sitting in prayer, I felt like the stones accumulated in my chest were removed, I felt completely light.

What fun, satisfying, peaceful days those were. Today I am deprived of those days. Life is not easy anymore. How complicated and impenetrable!

A mountain of logic accumulated inside, I heard and agreed that I am no longer a type mumina. How can I be like before? How can I get my star shining guide back?

Is there anyone like that? Who lost guidance and regained it?