The ambiance become a little heavy and each minute to pass was worse than last one.
Escape plans is all over floating on my mind and screaming to someone to hear my scream for help.
There is the last night, the last night I will be here to spend in this little place what bring to me a piece madness and make me forget what I want, what I really want. It’s trying to wash my brain and make me think what I don’t want.
Everyday my mind was filling with all kind of rare though and feelings that I leave behind in a long and forgotten past. I felt like this place was trying to wake on me what I fix once on the latest stage of my life. Not too much time until yourself catch you in a clever move that you won’t imagine, but I felt that inside me that something was happening, like if some odd creature was growing up.
I knew it, I was being saved for myself.
Always me, forever me and I was so lucky that i was who save me in a place that I unlike choose when the need drags you there. Since that moment I could not dream any more, literally happens. This most happens, I mean this job which work as the trigger to looking to myself again, is like I had the need to be lost to find myself again and be myself once again with all those fantasies which this event brought to my life.
Everyone else was unstoppable doing their work, being a bad or a good development of their activities having always a way to do even when it doesn’t was accomplish as it need to be a good job done. They knew the limit and the time to do a job between putting the garbage below the carpet or finish the job until the surface was shining and smell like sunshine. That is an skill which only some special people have, know if they have to clean to much or leave a cigarette butt below your pillow where they know that you won’t looking for until you catch this ugly smell and goes into your dream become it a nightmare.
I didn’t know if the next morning I will decide to left my bed directly to my mobile phone and use it to say at work that I will be sick. My sickness wasn’t entirely physically. I was suffering a sick which was attacking my mind until kill me. There is not murdered corpose because I’m alive yet to tell my story to the world until I disappear from some suspicious reason (I hope this don’t take place).
I spend few days thinking about this final decision. Decision that I already took before I start to work in that place, but I didn’t know clearly what will happens. Just littles spark arises from a secret path on my mind which gave me a feeling like if something was happening when I didn’t know what really was happening. I took the decision because is the right one and I trust in myself. Trust in myself is a big issue for those people around me (not everyone). They want to control me, but I know when I trust in myself greatest things happen.
Decision was already made and delivery to the people who wasn’t really happy to listen about it, my madness, this is how they call my free way to think and deed. So, I finally accept myself as I am, but still using a mask to others can’t really see me because I don’t like to show them what I am, now I saw myself in the mirror and they won’t understand what is below it.