Joined 18 July 2021 · 353 posts
Welcome to my Digital Diary (She/Her)
120 KT
0 KT · $11.09 received · 0 KT · $7.44 given
@Stea
I wish my parents weren't such a big failure at parenting. They were unsuccessful at providing a happy house. No wonder my thoughts wander around self harm half the time. They don't deserve kids. Not all couples deserve children. The fact that they can't accept that I'm unhappy because of them is so alarming.
@Stea
My parents called up my friends to ask if there's someone who's troubling me in my life. My decent friends can't tell them that it's them who are causing me pain.
@Stea
I've said this before, and I'm saying it again. If both your children are battling suicidal thoughts, something is really wrong with your parenting style. I wish I could approach someone who would teach a thing or two about being loving parents to a certain couple.
@Stea
I was writing down a very private note for anyone who would be interested to read it. However, I want it to be read only in case of my unexpected passing. I want it to be cryptic for English readers so I typed in the note on Google Translate and got occupied in hunting languages that use script other that Roman. I browsed many different languages from Mongolian to Burmese, from Korean to Malayalam, each having a really elegant script. I began listening to what the note sounds like in few other languages. After some giggles, I got tired and decided to hit the bed. My boyfriend thinks that I have Adhd, I don't believe I do. Anyway, thanks to me having an attention span of a bee, the note is left incomplete. I would want my note to be cryptic, as much as this post.
@Stea
We bought two poop buckets for each of the bathrooms and paid 10k for each! While you can get decent ones for 3.5k, 'The price is for the design', they say. Things you could get in Mumbai for the price of two poop buckets- - A decent budget smart phone - A very small room to rent for a month in a shady side of the town - 10 days of holidays in the Himachal - A month's worth of groceries
@Stea
⚠️Alert - Not for small humans under 21 ⚠️ I'll list pointers instead of a write up to make it short. I went to my boyfriend's place to pick him up on Saturday. I tried leaves for the first time, but I think it didn't hit me. We ended up having a special time and lost track of time. We missed our train. Thankfully, after running and hurrying, we were able to catch the next train that took us to our other train in time. Made some small talk with our co-travellers, aka, my best friend who is now my enemy and his shameless friend who won't pay for the trip. We reached a new city. My boyfriend and I explored around like Jesse and Celine from Before Sunrise. It was very romantic. We indulged in street food too. We took a vehicle and rode on straight roads at about midnight for two hours. It was drizzling and the air was fresh. Met few other travelers. One of them had watermelon flavored air. He let me use it throughout the trip. It was very tasty and surely effective. Started trailing in dense forest with torches to view fireflies. We didn't find many. Saw some frogs and snakes instead. Set up a sleeping arrangement under the star amist the forest. My enemy and his friend slept immediately. The rest of us engaged in other recreational activities. We listened to music. We had brownie but not in a brownie form. It was my first brownie but not a brownie experience. I was in my boyfriend's arms while we shared a blanket. We saw the Sun come up. We went on a short trek to a fort. I was not in a position to stand straight due to consuming dessert but not dessert, my boyfriend helped me climb. Took pictures and came back. I had the best breakfast of my life. No one else found it as tasty as I thought it was. Imagine having cereal, but the best cereal of your life. I laughed for I don't remember how long, but I remember having difficulty in swallowing. I couldn't even swallow water. Drove back 2 hours to the city, said our goodbyes. My boyfriend and I found a decent restaurant for lunch. We booked a fancy sleeper bus with a very private compartment. Had some more leaves, special time, and cuddled to sleep. We almost missed our stop. Thanks to my enemy for waking us up. Went back to his place, he bathed me, dried me up, and also fed me with his hands. Finally, I laid in his arms for an hour until it was time for me to go home. I'm glad my first dessert experience was with him. He took really good care of me. I'm thankful to him. I'd you're still reading, I need BIG money for oversharing and keeping you engaged for 6.48 minutes:) Unsolicited comments are welcomed.
+1 more
@Stea
Bro announced to update on a story and disappeared for a week 😭. Thanks Cryptozeug for bringing me back ♥
@Stea
I had the best weekend of my life. Details shall follow. That's it, that's the post:).
@Stea
Oh, and by the way, my boyfriend came to visit me last Friday. He'll be here for a while, and we're planning to go out on an overnight forest trek this weekend. We'll get to observe fireflies. How I casually skipped updating you guys:/. We went to a pub last Saturday. It's called BPM- Booze per minute or Booze per minute. It was a decent place. Normally I wouldn't say this, but I wish the place was more crowded. I tried few sips of Beer. I still can't get acquired with alcohol. It tasted like stale water and smelled worse. It gave me a soar throat too.
@Stea
I tried to write here atleast three or four times and erased it all. My mind in not functioning right. I'm mostly always online only, I read all your posts, but I have no energy to gather my thoughts and upload a post or write a comment. However, this one notification made me want to write about it. But before that, a small premise- I'm too conscious of my toes and always wear shoes that would hide them. Some person wants to lick and smell my feet, without even know what they're like. Talk about some weird Tarantino stuff. My boyfriend would lick me all over, but my feet. Not that I have ugly feet, but the thought of it is itself disturbing. It's so unnatural to believe that some person across the internet world is interested in my feet.
@Stea
I can't blame noise.cash for not giving me fts, since I always have new excuses to be away from the internet. But isn't that a good thing that I have a life outside the internet world? I remember receiving about 10$ as tips per day, now it's down to less than 25c. I'd spend all day here. Anyway, the reason that kept me away from the platform I had to direct my time deciding on the flooring. Italian marble is finalized to be laid on the floor. We were debating on whether to select Italian marbles or machine made tiles. But since marbles are natural stones, we fixed on it.
@Stea
So yesterday I told you about an ordinary day in my life. Welcome to an extraordinary day in my life! SOMEONE WITHOUT ACCESS BROKE THE DOOR AND ENTERED OUR HOUSE. MOVED AROUND FEW THINGS. LEFT THE CUPBOARDS OPEN AND THE AIRCONDITIONER ON. Thankfully, there was nothing to steal, and he didn't take away my useless stuff. I know exactly who it is, but I have no evidence to frame him. The person himself started telling me stories without me asking him.
@Stea
Though it was not a Tuesday, I was called to office. People were all dressed fancy. I was the only one wearing formals, I didn't mind since I always wear smart casuals. I wasn't required to do anything that would need me to be at office, but I was called, so I went. It was a decent day. I had light breakfast and took a cab instead of a public bus. I reached sufficiently on time. I worked with two managers. I hope they're satisfied with my work. I had simple food for lunch. I had coffee since the hot chocolate machine was broken. The cookies were my favorite. The IT department tried to help me with issues I had accessing some files. They promised to help me tomorrow. I spoke to a few colleagues at the cafeteria who gave me career advices. Took back a bus and reached home peacefully. I spoke to my boyfriend for a while on the phone on the way back. All in all, nothing happened that would spark up my heart rate. Just another day in my life where the constant thought I would have was- I wish I had better parents. The subtle tone of melancholy is so apparent in my post. If you're still reading, I love you:)
@Stea
Update on my haircut story- I took advices from everyone here and concluded to not reduce the length of my hair. I went in to get them shaped, AND NOT TO REDUCE THE LENGTH OF MY HAIR. I knew what I wanted, and made sure the hairdresser knew what I wanted. And now I look like a headless chicken-.-' I kinda knew this would happen, this is why I've been postponing the visit. (It could be my fault too. Instead of a straight cut, I asked for a step cut. But I don't remember asking to shorten the length)
@Stea
My mom worries if my boyfriend would harm me in any way. Poor guy asks me twice if I'd be comfortable before holding my hand. Not all men are perverts! She has a son too. What if someone says things like these for my brother? I'm sure he loves me more than I do. I'm in a healthy relationship where I'm treated with respect. Once while we were making out, he asked me, 'Hey, can I hold your cheeks?'. He's so pure♥. I'm having veg omlette for breakfast. It sounds like an oxymoron haha. I'm going to leave my readers astounded.
@Stea
I had a long civil discussion with my Dad regarding my freedom or lack of it. By the end of it, it seemed to me that he understands that I'm a grown woman now and need my own space. That is, until, he said that he'll discuss it with my Mum. Something while walking back home hit me, I realized that I've been bamboozled. I've had the same discussion with Mom a few days ago, it all seemed that she understood me, but she said the exact same thing, 'I'll talk to Dad about it'. I can't believe they're playing with me. Some random person sent pictures of some random flowers in some random group, which I'm randomly attaching here, in an attempt to pray to the noise Gods to grant me fts.
@Stea
It was a decent day. I woke up, made a few mistakes and now I'm ready to sleep. I may watch some travel videos on YouTube, since my parents control my life and wouldn't want me to travel. Anyway, the picture that I've attached does not belong to me. I don't know who sent it to me. I don't have a lot of friends. My boyfriend only must've sent it. Goodnight?
@Stea
A senior accoladed my work. This really makes me happy after having a completely botched up week with my Manager. I'll try to revive my image in front of my Manager. I completed well the last task that she had given me, but it was a very small one. She has given me some more work, but I slept throughout the afternoon. I was a bit under the weather today. I'll finish it tomorrow. Edit- She's calling me right now and my heart is racing!
@Stea
Hello! Everything is fine this side. I've stopped seeing the therapist. I want to be active like before, not on the app, but in life. Let's see what the week has for me.
@Stea
I think I had seen it coming. How could everything go well in my life, without my parents ruining my happiness for me? They realized I was happy, which is so uncommon and thought it was appropriate to 'treat' it.
@Stea
My Therapist wants me to tell my conservative parents about my boyfriend and I am seriously considering her advice. My parents have an idea that I am in a relationship. This I'd exactly what this whole fiasco was about. They wanted more details to ensure I was safe. She also told me that there's no further reason that would require me to visit her. Anyway, if you hear gun shots, I want someone to inherit all 40c of my tips.
@Stea
I'm here at the Therapist again gathering all courage to tell her that we don't have a connection and I would like to discontinue with the sessions. But, my parents are not here yet, I could use it to my advantage. Them not being here shows how disinterested they are. I will start swimming and walking from today. Physical activities and exercises have empirically proven positively towards my mental health. Hopefully, I will be well enough to respond to all the love I've received over the past few days here. I'd like to be more active too.
@Stea
Question- Which Therapist drives its patient towards self harm? Answer- An incompetent one Apologies for not posting/replying. I was always online quietly reading your posts.
@Stea
I'm in a worse position than I was before going to Therapy. Clearly, she's incompetent.
@Stea
I'm actually waiting in a queue to meet a psychologist. I'm not even kidding. My mom, when I pointed out every wrong thing that she's done to me, said, 'You've lost your mind, you should visit a psychologist'. I'm been sad for 5 or 6 years now, it's apparent. She knows it, and she must know it. It was only when I made sure she knew she had wronged me is when she thought I need counseling. I made sure that Dad and her also comes with me. I want to be serious about it, but to me the whole charade sounds like 'a parent's complain centre'. Let's see how the events roll out!
@Stea
I'm sorry, but you can't just give birth and ask for respect. You'll have to take a bit more efforts than that. Parenting takes efforts.
@Stea
So yesterday I took my family out to dinner with my first salary. Dad's instant reaction- "You don't have to do this. I literally pay for everything around here."
@Stea
My father was laughing at me when I was crying in front of him. And here I was thinking my mom who starves me was a bad parent.
@Stea
I might be severely depressed.
@Stea
Today is salary day. I have a feeling everyone but me would get it and mine would have issues. My friend and I both agree considering my luck, the likelihood of this happening is really high. I'll update you guys soon!