She didn’t change
I discover when guys want to toast girls, they make the girl believe she has a shoulder to lean on and they are willing to do anything within their reach for her. Guys will get luxuries for girls just to get a YES and after that they will change completely. The moment a girl request for something they conclude she’s materialistic. Why get her stuffs to woo her and stop?
I once dated a guy who got me an iPhone before asking me out. I didn’t ask him for it, don’t assume yet! It was few days after my birthday and I was using a faulty Android phone. He messaged me and found out I wasn’t online for days. I got hold of my cell phone after few days and replied his chat on WhatsApp. He asked, what’s wrong with your phone? I then told him there was no power supply in my area. He told me we will go get a new cell phone on Sunday. I knew he wanted to get me a phone to make me fall in love with him. He has friends that stay in the same vicinity with me, so he knew I lied about no power supply. He got me a phone that sunday. After that day I remembered he told me if I need anything I should ask him. Lol! Guys can be good you know... After few months, I did date him. It was a good start, until this guy who would spend time chatting with me started saying he’s busy. This happens to every girl in a relationship. The only time they are not busy is when you come visiting, smiles.
One thing no one talks about is, girls always want more in every relationship. As a lady, no matter how hard-hearted you are, or probably you’ve tell yourself you are not going to fall in love, you get to a stage you just want to be loved, and you are definitely going to want more in the relationship. There will be a time you just want to know where the relationship is going. There will be a time you want him to love you more, and probably get to know his people too. It’s normal. It doesn’t mean you’re selfish. It’s just the way you feel.
Another thing I discovered is why are men always busy after few months in the relationship? When you are toasting a lady you’re never busy. You call her every time, text her and make her believe there’s a shoulder to rest on after every day activities. But all of a sudden, the guy will change And claim he is busy, where’s the busy schedule coming from? Especially the ones you are in college with. I mean, you didn’t change Job, it is still the same online business, so what changed? The moment the lady complains, the guy will say she doesn’t always understand. If you know you have some things to achieve and you will keep hurting the one that cares for you, why not let them go? Everyone is dealing with their lives personally and nobody want pressure at this moment. Not all women want someone who would walk in and say he’s no longer interested. Most ladies are looking for someone who’s going to love them with their flaws. You don’t need to date a lady because you think you are managing her. If you don’t love her, let her go. Stop hurting people’s feelings. It doesn’t just end with you, you make them feel unloved and that make them believe there’s no where they actually belong.
Yes, I know we’ve got some toxic girls just like there are toxic guys too. Let the change begin with us. No one is supposed to be hurt by us. If you’re guilty of something, apologize to the people you’ve hurt. Love is a beautiful thing if it’s with the right person. We all need to be loved. Some of us are the way we are because we weren’t raised in love. Some of us came out from a toxic family and we are not used to the word “LOVE” but you can always learn it. If you are willing to compromise. Don’t always believe no one can love you or your life is messed up. We didn’t choose the path we found ourselves and it’s not your fault too. Love yourself and believe there’s someone who can love just the way you are. It can take time but you will definitely find love someday.
Some scars never leave
In her childhood days, she had some secrets she never told anyone not even her strict mother. For a while it disappeared until one fateful day, it all came back and started ringing in her head. Watch who you keep your kids with, and know well enough that it isn’t compulsory to leave your kids with your neighbors. The people you trust most are those that leave you with a scar.
When I say “Scar” I don’t mean the usual meaning of a physical mark on one’s skin as a result of an injury. My definition of scar is an emotional pain, the one you can never forget. My definition of scar is not a physical one. We all carry different scars on us. The pain you’ve carried in you for so long, and you never want to make that same mistake again.
There is this girl who was about eight years old. Her brothers and sisters were close friends to the neighbor so she decided to be friends with them. She didn’t have a choice because she was always taken there by her siblings. Luckily, she became friends with one, who was about her age mate but not so close, about three to four years difference. They were young. They started playing with tin-tomatoes cans. Back then they will put sand inside the cans and say they were making yam flour(Amala) in Yoruba language. It was fun. They would even pack sands on one leg and make it like a mold. It continued that way. Some days they will play with skipping rope and count numbers. Some days suwe games. Until, this fateful day. This little girl’s friend was named Precious. Precious took her in and started kissing her, the little girl was lost. Precious told her it was a movie scene they were acting. It continued this way till the day the girl saw both Precious and her little brother acting the same movie she’d acted with her. There was no one the little girl could tell. She was young and never understood what was going on.
Some weeks later, Precious started touching the little girl and still said it was a movie. Precious herself was so young, and because she had seen her elder brother bring in so many girls doing the same thing to them that was what made her think it was normal. Precious father was in debt and decided to sell their house. That was how the little girl escaped from Precious. Aside Precious leaving, the whole scenes were still in her head. This little girl was taken to a boarding school and that was where she met new friends, new environment. The new environment wiped off Precious from her head. The girl then is now reminiscing about her past and suddenly remembered Precious and her acting. Precious will be around twenty-three or twenty-four now. Nobody knows where she is, not even the girl’s siblings knows where their friends are. Precious herself might have a vague memory of what happened then, or even have no memory of it. She hope Precious and her brother stopped the act back then.
My advise for parents, sisters or brothers is, always watch who you leave your children or siblings with. Most of us have memories of been maltreated, manipulated by friends or families. There are people out there with scars from childhood. Scars that they’ve never mentioned to anyone. Some male Children are being sexually harassed by their female teachers. Watch who you trust with your kids. Some people can’t control their selfish desires. Stop being the strict mother that her children can’t stand or talk to, you are only ruining their lives. Always have a good communication with your kids. Let them know they have you to trust with their secrets.
As siblings, do not watch wild movies with your little ones. Stop it! Stop watching movies of under 18 movies with your little siblings. They tend to practice whatever is been shown without minding the risk. Don’t make your little sister or brother find you in a compromising position with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Let the change begin with us.
I wish she was given a second chance
Grace was withdrawn from school by her father. He said he didn’t want to waste his money on her since she wasn’t serious academically. He thought he was wasting his time and her time as well. Grace was in her third year in college, when news got to her father, that his daughter was having numerous boyfriends in schools and her grades were bad.
Her Head of department called her father to inform him that her daughter broke a guy’s laptop and the guy was requesting for the sum of eighty thousand Naira from her. Grace come from an average family. Her father is a priest at a Methodist church, while, her mom owns a small shop where she sells provisions. She’s the forth of five children. Her sisters all graduated from polytechnic, she was the only fortunate one to attend a university in the family. Grace got an admission into a state university when she was eighteen. She mingled with the wrong set of friends and that affected her education. Clearly, it was those friends that introduced her to boys and parties. She was always going out, and she never believed in having just a boyfriend. She didn’t even believe in love because she was dumped once. She attended lectures but she never found interest in them. I believe if she had mingled with the right set of friends she wouldn’t have been like that.
In her second year at school, she met this guy who stays in the same hostel as her. The guy showed interest in her and asked her out, but she didn’t answer him until after an incident happened. She was the only one in on that day. She was terribly sick and no one knew. In the midnight, she went to urinate in the bathroom and fell flat on the floor. There was no one she called that answered on her phone. So, she called the guy in her hostel who was toasting her as at that time. Luckily, he picked and came to her rescue. He took her to the school clinic and they attended to her. She decided to date the guy after the incidence. It was all good in the relationship, but because she wasn’t use to seeing just one guy, her boyfriend wasn’t comfortable with it, but he stayed, hoping she would change someday. She started another ill-behavior by breaking his gadgets anytime she was angry. The last one went out of hand which was his laptop. So, he decided to report to her Head of department(HOD). The HOD asked her few questions, and part of them was, has the guy been taking care of her? Which she didn’t deny, she said YES. The woman then asked her why she once broke his iPhone X, and now his laptop. She couldn’t say anything. The HOD decided to call her Dad, so he could pay for damages. Her father said he had no money to pay for damages and said since she wasn’t serious with her education, she can come home. At first, everyone thought it was a joke until we all resumed and she wasn’t in school, but her luggage were still in her room.
After two months of resumption before the ASUU strike, she still wasn’t In school. Whenever, her friends call, she would tell them she’s doing some stuffs at home and will be back soon. Recently, news went around that she and her sister came to pack her luggage in the hostel. She wasn’t given a second chance to amend her ways. That was how her education ended when she was just about to finish. Yes, the father is preaching against what the daughter was doing in school, but it just isn’t enough to give up on her. Ignorance took place. The father and the mother have little or no education, but the children is their future. If only one could attend a university and that opportunity is still taken away from her it won’t only affect the child only but the parents as well. Do not give up on your children, no matter the circumstances because these children are your tomorrow. Fight the battles together. There’s nothing like giving up after a mistake. You can do better and Grace, she can do better too. I wish she was given a second chance. I wish she was given the opportunity to try again after failing one time.
Stop being entitled
I grew up believing no one owed me anything, and it’s the truth. If you look into your life you’ll understand that you are on your own. Nobody will understand you, except you. We all have that Uncles or Aunties we hate because he or she is stingy and doesn’t give us money,lol! Now that you are old enough, how many people have you rendered financial assistance to?
Stop thinking some people have the money but refuses to give you. We are always so quick at making conclusions when it comes to humans like us. We need to understand that some people do not have, and they can’t give what they do not have. Stop bothering people to do what is not in their capacity for you. No one got you when it comes to your life. My dad use to say to me “Tee, it is the work of your hands that can’t deceive you”. Do not wait for assistance from anyone, keep pushing, keep hustling. There was a time I literally thought it’s my siblings duty to credit my account after every paycheck they get. Until one day my brother said I was being so entitled. I gave that sentence a long thought. If my brother could tell me I was being entitled, then one day my partner will tell me so. Truly, I was being entitled because I forgot they got bills to pay and the money isn’t even enough to cater their needs not to talk of bothering them for mine.
I was having a conversation with a male friend today and he said he hate his sister’s boyfriend because he is stingy. Then, I asked him how much have you given your girlfriend’s sister? He told me he didn’t have one, and even if he did where’s the money. You don’t have the right to hate on anyone because they don’t do what you expect them to do. Nobody owe you anything. Work hard and prepare yourself for the future. Don’t sit around waiting for someone to foot your bills. I really think we are being selfish for believing some certain people have to do somethings for you. It’s so unfair how we think some people owe us. People are out there struggling with life and you think because he is collecting $500 paycheck you think he is rich? We really need to change this mentality. It’s so unfair the way we are quick at judging people.
The issue of how the richest Uncle in every family is suppose to be nice to all relatives confuse me a lot. Every family has this Uncle who we assume he’s rich just because he’s out of the country. We hear our parents talking about this particular uncle and how stingy he is, and then this stuff is being passed on the offsprings. It is not supposed to be that way. Does anyone care about this uncle or has anyone asked how life is treating him, but once one of the relatives call, they exchange pleasantries and the next thing is to ask for money with the assumption that he has excess. Which is not good. Yes, some people are not ready to help even if they have, but at the end of the day they don’t owe you anything. That’s the saddest truth. Try and understand people before you hate them. Work hard and give yourself the life you desire, stop waiting for someone to do that for you. At the end of the day, it’s your life, your success is yours.
When I was little, I used to tell my mom that I’ll marry a rich man. She saw that I was desperate but never said anything. It was more like ladies want to be taken care of by guys, and not them having the money to take care of themselves.
On this fateful day, I was telling my dad about the conversation I had with my mom, and how she reminded me that I always talk about marrying a rich man and now she’s scared I will be following Internet fraudsters around in school because of their money. Then, my dad said there’s nothing like marrying a rich man. Tee, you need to work-hard to be comfortable in your own way and successful, that is when you will attract guys that are wealthy. Don’t wait for a rich man to come marry you. Make yourself a subject not an object. That was what changed my motive that day. Our understanding matters a lot. That Uncle doesn’t owe you anything, nobody does.
Why they shouldn’t be blamed
I read two articles this morning and the two articles were talking about young girls getting pregnant at teenage age. It quite easy for a guy or a lady to tell you who and who not to sleep with but you never can talk about others mistakes if you haven’t walked a day in anyone’s shoes. This topic about little girls getting pregnant didn’t start today, and most of us are coming from the same background. Most parents had their first child before marriage. Why didn’t anyone asked their mothers why it happened? We all fall into crazy love, we find ourselves in relationships we have no business with. And it baffles me when I see someone trying to judge the little ones for getting pregnant...
Life isn’t fair for anyone. We hear divorce everyday, and most of us grew up with a single parent or even in a toxic marriage. Some of us if we are giving the chance, we will take our mothers away from her marriage, because she is not happy in it, but she stood there because of us( The children). The fault is in everyone’s hand, both the parents, the kids and the country itself. People with money want to prey on the poor ones.
I read one article, asking why a girl will open legs for someone who doesn’t have enough and get pregnant for him? Littles girls needs enlightenment. Everyone knows where they are coming from. There are things you go through at times that you can only discuss with the person you are in love with. The first person to make a move during an intercourse is the guy, has anybody said anything about that? These guys make the girls believe there is shoulder to cry on and try assisting with everything within their power only to prove to these girls that they love them, so the love can be consensual and end up impregnating them. How many parents have taught their kids how to be in the world and not the world being into them and controlling them? Have you ever asked your mom if she’s happy in the marriage she is?...Everything is always rosy and beautiful in the beginning until kids start coming in. Every relationship is always good at the beginning until the two parties involved start revealing their behaviors.
You are in no position to blame these girls, because if there was a time travel, they would go back and amend those mistakes. The only solution is to enlighten the coming generation so they don’t make the same mistake. We all should be grateful that we raised ourselves well, and we didn’t make same mistake. The way poverty is dealing with teenagers, it’s possible they go astray. You don’t expect a girl without food in her stomach to meet someone that buys her food and not be happy to do the unexpected as a reward.
I grew up with some girls in my vicinity. They were my childhood friends. We went to same school together, but they stopped at high school. There was no father figure in their lives. These girls are twins. Their mother lost her sight when they were young, and the father left them and married another wife and moved in with her. The older brothers were out too pulling their baggage individually. No one had their time. When I got admission into college, they were learning trade already. The Taiye was learning Tailoring, she’s the coolest. The Kenny was jovial and carefree, and she was also learning make-up then. I got home one day and discovered the Taiye which was the coolest was pregnant. I mean my mom used to use Taiye as an example for me because she liked the way she dresses. She put on long skirts and doesn’t wear clothes that exposes her body. Everyone was shocked that she was pregnant. How can someone who dresses that way be slept with? Is it possible? But then, will they tell you they were facing any challenges? How were they supposed to survive if not that they find comfort in some guys. Won’t their mother eat?...It doesn’t justify the fact that they went off track, but then whose business is it at the end of the day?. It’s their lives. Few months later, the Kenny discovered she was also pregnant. Meanwhile, she told her neighbors that if Taiye had told her they would have removed hers, not knowing hers was protruding as well. Luckily, Taiye’s boyfriend accepted the pregnancy and agreed to introduction between both families, but Kenny’s guy denied hers.
Here in college, we know what youths are doing. Even parents now depend on their children in school, because the youths are more exposed to making money than the parents. Everybody knows what they are facing individually. Not everybody have the grace that you have. You should be thankful that you are who you are today, even if you’re not there yet, but you’re making progress. Let’s create awareness for the coming generation. Let them know there is a stage you will get to and you’ll meet this strange guy that will feel like comfort, or God-sent to you but be aware that he will want something from you and it’s something you can’t say NO to. Sex education should be among extra curriculum activities in school. Sex shouldn’t be a topic everyone will be shy to discuss among little children. Parents should create more time with their kids. Ask your children how they are coping with adulthood. Ask them how life is treating them. Be your female children Best friend, let them be open to you.
Stop the assumptions!
Everyone is guilty of Assumption. Assumption is a willingness to accept something as true without question or proof. Everyone is so quick at believing whatever is said about another person, without finding out if it’s true. It’s not everything that we are being told that is accurate or correct. Do not hate someone because you assume everybody hate them. This happens at school. You don’t want to relate to someone because your best friend isn’t talking to him/her. You don’t greet that neighbor or your Mom’s friend because of what your mom told you about her, you believe she’s at fault. You want to hate who your parents hate for reasons you are not sure of?
I grew up in a toxic marriage, so it makes me feel men aren’t worth it because that was what I grew up believing. I thought no man is worth me, but it actually an assumption. How many men have I been in a relationship with to actually believe they don’t deserve me? Not having a father figure in my life made me assume they are all the same and that men are disposable. And I got so scared of dating because I feel they might end up leaving me as my dad left my mom. Whatever happened to your mom doesn’t mean it gonna happen to you. There are good guys out there, just like there are good ladies too. It’s just an assumption!
The other assumption that people have is that, anyone that doesn’t dress in a moderate way are bad, that’s an assumption. I do like short skirts and gowns and that doesn’t make me a bad person or a prostitute. Fashion is a good thing for all gender and I don’t see why people criticize some for what they are putting on. Everybody has different taste, and everyone knows what they feel comfortable putting on. Stop shaming people especially girls. There was a time a rape happened and some people were like why was she putting on a short dress, does that justify what happened? The definition of moderate gives people different meanings. What could be a moderate dressing to you, might not be moderate to another person. So why criticize them? . You don’t wear jewelries but someone wore it to an occasion, and you are staring at her with bad eyes like she’s an agent of the devil, whereas deep down you admire the jewelries but because of your belief you think it’s a sin. Stop the assumption! Stop assuming every lady that puts on short dresses are prostitutes.
The assumption that all last children enjoys. I would love to correct this a lot. Because I get this very well. I mean when I tell people that I’m the last child of my family and they are like hailing you that wow! You’re enjoying. I wish they could walk a day in my shoes. It is actually an assumption because it is not applicable to all families. Stop the assumption! Is it siblings who are working on their careers that will have someone else’s time or parents that have stopped working due to residual unemployment or those that are retired, and all they think is their priority is your education. I think the last time I actually felt like a last_born was in kindergarten and high school. I’m growing into a woman and everyone thinks you are old enough to figure things out yourself. Stop assuming that last children are receiving money from different channels.
The last one I will talk about, which I’m also guilty of is that all guys that talk to you outside, either at a ceremony or any occasion want to get under your panties. I believed this for years. I met this guy at a friend’s birthday party in my second year at college. As he approached me, I knew he just wanted to flirt with me, because he was an handsome guy and I don’t believe someone like that will be single. He asked for my number, and I gave it to him. It was after the second day he sent hi to me on WhatsApp and said I should save up, which I did. I noticed he didn’t make any move, he stopped talking to me but kept viewing my status and I was seeing his too. It was at that moment I felt like so this one got my number to view my WhatsApp status, lol! I wouldn’t lie sometimes I’m always the first person to message him because I was expecting something like “can we be friends “ which never came up from his mouth till date. He left me with so many assumptions like, maybe I wasn’t good enough for him to flirt with, or he wasn’t just interested in girls, or was he sent to prove me wrong? I mean every girl likes to hangout or talk with a fine bobo. Lol.
Let’s all stop the assumptions and keep promoting love and unity.
When is he going to answer?
The pangs will be over soon was what she always say to herself. She hope that her long time prayers will come to pass. The breakthrough they needed in her family, she hope her brothers would someday break the news to her that life is finally better for them. There was no where in the world she actually belonged. Things were quite tough at the moment. All she prayed for was a breakthrough.
When is he going to answer her prayers was what she always ask herself ? When is life going to be worth living for her? When is she going to be happy about her existence on earth? Does God still answers prayers? Does miracles still happen? People keep testifying everyday. Why is God answering theirs and not hers? She felt lonely. She immediately concluded that there was a generational curse on the family. She didn’t want to be insignificant, so she started investing into her future at a little age, knowing fully well that the growth can be organic but ensuring there is a progress is very important. As the last child of her family, it felt like everybody was depending on her. There was a day her Mom called her not to forget the promise she made to her to take her out of poverty, she could barely remember when she made that promise to her. Her brothers would sometimes ask for tip, something she’s meant to be asking for, she’s never happy about the situation.
On this hot afternoon, she was reflecting with sadness on the unhappiness of her family. Her eldest sister just badged a degree at 34 years, after given birth to four kids, with no marriage. She’s depending on her husband for feeding and sometimes call on her father for some little money to survive on. She didn’t want to be like her. Her second older sister who had just married is waiting for the fruit of the womb, and she’s not happy In the marriage but scared to leave. Her first older brother, a dark and handsome man who is every girl’s crush is a school teacher with a Bsc in computer science. His salary isn’t even enough for him to spend. While her second older brother who is the genius in the family is working in an awesome private school with low paycheck and also doing his postgraduate education at the moment with no financial help from the family. She doesn’t want to be like any of them. She wants to be happy doing what she’s passionate about. But then life is hard, everything seem so tough. The country is hard too.
She’s scared because she doesn’t know what await her in the future, she’s scared because even her father doesn’t have financial rest at 68. It felt like things were going to continue that way but, she’s just staying optimistic. She remembered every cross-over nights that hold on 31st of December every year, when the cleric will tell you to tell God what you want for the following year, and she will talk to God with a sincere heart, with tears dropping down her cheeks, believing that will make the prayers get to God on time. She remembered how devoted she was, and how her Mom spent most of her time in church working for God, but there’s still no breakthrough. Her brothers are still the same way they were. She is currently disorganized. It’s a sacrifice sha. I’m sure she will look back with some smiles later.
Whatever you are going through, I want you to know it’s a stage. The pangs will be over soon. It happens, we all just need to stay optimistic. The breakthrough you’re praying for, guard it with faith. Know within you it can take time, years before those prayers manifest, but God never forsake his people. The time you waited will be worth it. Trust me, there will be days you don’t feel like yourself, days you question your existence on earth, days you just want to overdo, days you want to do that thing you said you were never going to do. It’s okay to express your anger, but do not go astray. Days you think God wasn’t there, he was, and he will always be there. Those prayers will manifest. It is worth the time. Hold on to yourself, don’t give up, be optimistic.
Don’t Stop Being You
I once had a close friend who shared same birthday with me, we are of same age too. We also live in the same hostel, but I got there before him. After a month I got to the hostel, he took a room in my hostel. We got closer. I’m business-wise, and I’m not egocentric, I care about my friends just like I care about myself. Which is an attribute I got from my mom. I was getting to know my new friend, to know the kind of person he truly is. I knew him in 2019, but the friendship became strong in 2020.
It got to a point I discovered I didn’t like his circle of friends. He moved around with smokers. I called him one evening to ask why he smoke? I made him understand I know he’s been doing it before we met, I did told him the side effects of weed and the damage it could cause to his health. After a while, he came up with another ill behavior. He stole from me.
In the whole hostel, he was the only one who smokes. His other neighbors and I decided to plead with him to stop, but he just didn’t heed to our plea. He thought we didn’t understand what was going on in his life. They left him and started showing fake love toward him. He made a small shed where he smokes, and have this caliber of friends who smoke along with him. On a particular night, he was caught by the police on his way to the hostel. He needed to be bailed so he called his other friends, the ones they smoke together, and they were able to raise $12 for him. The next day he came to me that he was owing $12 and I gave it to him, only for his friends who bailed him to start harassing him that he borrowed $12 from them. I was embarrassed, because I felt what could he have used the money I gave to him to do...I tried talking to him. I told him to count himself lucky for getting out of cell on bail. I told him it could be a second chance for him, and I advised him not to go back to smoking. He did stop for a while. I introduced him to the business I was doing as at the time. We started so well, until he carelessly made my lose some amount of money.
Toward December ending 2020, some rich guys in the hostel were lodging for the Christmas celebration. He decided to join them too. I was shocked that someone who’s yet to make ends meet want to start spending extravagantly when you’ve got bills? I expected him to stay on a low since he just started making some cool cash for himself. I did lodge too, but it wasn’t with my money as I was sponsored by my elder brother. I reminded him constantly to know what he was doing with the money we’ve made so far.
When we got back from holiday, he started showing off, getting expensive clothes and shoes with little savings. People believed he had made lot of money. They introduced him to gambling and made sure all the money he had he put it down. I knew how much I encouraged him to make money and I was so bitter he toyed with it that way. After some time he came to me crying because he was broke and went back to smoking. I decided to support him because I couldn’t watch him go astray. I didn’t know he was using the money he got to get weed. I asked him one day, if he has been saving? He made me believe he was giving his mom, and paying bills at home.
Around late 2021, his phone got stoten, and the culprit ran off. He was angry about the phone. I advised him to let go and get another phone. I spoke to his other friends that we should contribute and get him another one (as it was the code of brotherhood). They did contribute $27 out of $95 which I was happy about. I added the remaining change and got him a better phone. He was happy and grateful. I did all these out of my widows mite. On a Sunday morning, we had a misunderstanding. We just had two new occupants and they were girls. My friend and I attend same church. We were supposed to be on same motorcycle together, but I went over to meet them that I will be riding the girls to church with my motorcycle, I then told him and the other guys to take a commercial motorcycle. He got so angry at me, and snapped at me, saying I like girls a lot and I was too full of myself. We exchanged words, because I was really angry he was getting entitled to my motorcycle. The quarrel lasted for a while, but we eventually made up. He was so selfish and entitled. It was then I realize he wasn’t the kind of friend I wanted in my life. I did my best to encourage him to live a good life. I’m human, I got flaws too, but I’m not an Angel to condone his bad behavior since he wasn’t willing to change. We are good friends till date, but I’m out of his business.
My advice for everyone is, Learn to appreciate everyone who has impacted your life in one way or the other. Never pay good with bad. There are people out there who want the best for you, nothing but the best. Don’t stop being you, because you are definitely going to meet people who will take your good deed for granted. Support your Neighbors, friends, strangers, if you are in the position to. Don’t stop being you, because you are going to meet a lot of people who will tempt you to stop being the good person you are. Your reward is with God. Don’t expect the Nigga you helped to pay back the good deed.
Face your Fears
Fear is a complex human emotion that can be positive and healthy, but it can also have negative consequences. Fear is also one of the obstacles that stops us from getting to our life destination on time. We let fear dominate Our Lives. We watch fear direct us to where we are not supposed to be. Fear make us lose opportunities. The fear of taking risk, the fear of not doing what you are supposed to do at the right time, the fear of failure. Fear has little impact on us. It brings you an unpleasant feeling triggered by the perception of danger, real or imagined.
I heard a story of an elderly woman, who basically lived her entire life in fear. She was a believer, a devoted Christian. Then, sickness struck her. She began moving from a prophet to the other, looking for quick solutions, forgetting that God never forsake us. She had chocolate faith. Fear took over her immediately she got sick. She decided not to go to the hospitals and started seeking help from clerics. Do not allow fear make you have little or no faith. Do the right thing at the right time. Christians call themselves believers, but the moment something happen to them, they consider it a spiritual problem. I’m not saying you shouldn’t seek spiritual solutions, but go through the appropriate way to solve your health issues instead of moving from one prophet to the other. It is FEAR leading you. It is fear giving you the illusion that something bad may happen if you don’t seek spiritual help.
Another type of fear is fear of failure. All students in one way or the other have experienced this, including myself. The moment you let fear consume you, you fail an exam. Fear is physical. Fear is experienced in your mind, but it triggers a strong physical reaction in your body. It’s normal to get nervous or anxious before you start an examination, but do not allow fear take over you. You need to relax, so you can do your best. Fear consumes time. The best thing a student can do is to be positive and focused before and after an examination. Have a positive mindset. Ignore that voice telling you “oh! I have failed it, I can’t pass it”. It’s fear speaking into existence. Have a positive mindset. Do your best and hope for a good result.
The next one is fear of taking risks. Life itself is full of risks. A close friend of mine was ranting to me. He said he could have joined Fiverr( An online marketplace for freelance services) a long time ago when he was introduced to it, but he didn’t, because he didn’t think that was his way. The man who introduced him to it long time ago, is making millions from it now, and aside that he will be having his first house-warming by the end of this month. We allow fear overshadow us. Someone introduced you to a business, but you’re already saying you can’t join either because of time, or because you don’t think you can make something out of it. You make decisions yourself without not giving it a thought. Take risks and see how far you had come. Don’t just sit and assume some profession isn’t your way. You allow fear delay your life with assumptions that some things are not meant for you. Go out there and take risks today! Not everything on social media is scam. Check it out before any assumption. This age, most people get their money on social media without having to be in an office for 8 hours. Take risk and be positive about the outcome. Be sure there will be some challenges, some losses, but who knows, you might face little or no challenges . Stop believing everything on social media is scam.
We need to overcome our fears. We all are guilty of one or all of these things listed below. The best way to overcome our fears is to face it. Face your fears by evaluating the risks and practicing mindfulness. Use your imagination in positive ways. Instead of letting your imagination lead you down the dark corridors of fear, purposely use it for overcoming fear.
My Insecurities
In my case I wouldn’t say “All guys are scum”. There are some good guys out there who really want to devote their time and love into someone. I’m a lovely person, someone with a good heart, but, I don’t trust anyone, not even my boyfriend. I get angry at almost everything. Impatience is my number one flaw. I’m not proud of being the way I am. I am willing to change. It’s just that people think I’m selfish, because I always want to be the only one.
I met this guy on 28th of April, but we started dating on May 18. He is a good guy. A loving one, someone who doesn’t just want his own growth but also his girlfriend’s growth. He is not egocentric. He introduced me to everything he does that brings him money. He loved and cared for me. He showers me with gifts too. I also was a great girlfriend before I started feeling so insecure. I’ve never cheated on this guy. I mean, I never knew I would be so devoted in this relationship as it was my first serious relationship. I have always been a strong-headed girl right from high school days. I never liked guys, because I thought they were all the same. I see the way my brothers changed girlfriends, I see the way my sister get so loved up and ended up leaving her boyfriend whom I thought would be her future husband. I just never saw true love among the people closest to me. I mean, I always say to my high school friends that I would keep my virginity because no one deserves it. Lol!
This guy made me know true love exist. Until a certain day when I saw videos of him with his ex. He made me understand it was nothing and promised not to go back to her. He never went back to her, but that particular day or video never left my head. Everyday we have an argument, I bring that day up. I never let go.
I find myself checking his phones. I don’t know how I made that my hobby lately. It doesn’t just go well whenever you check your guy’s phone. You just end up meeting things you know you would meet. This time he wasn’t cheating. This time it is either he tells someone he isn’t in a serious relationship, or he compliment ladies pictures. I just never found these stuffs as being normal. I just want it to be me alone. This same day he complimented someone else’s picture I posted myself and he just viewed and pass. At the end of this arguments, I see myself as the bad guy, the crazy one, and toxic one. I’m just scared to get dumped at the end of the day. I’m just scared to be like my brothers ex-girlfriends. I’m just scared to be like my sister who give her whole heart to a guy but still don’t get the love back. I’m just scared to be like mom, who always say she doesn’t have a husband but a father to her children. All I want is just pure love. All I want is someone who would love me without me being scared about anything, or thinking there is someone else, but is it possible?
He is a good guy that doesn’t like stress. He want peace, but I think I am the dramatic one. The fact that I’m always creating an argument that I can’t finish is my problem. I end up lightening the fire that I can’t control. At the end of the day, I get blamed for my insecurities. I just want to be me. I just want my insecurities to go away. I just want to be happy and I want to feel whole again. I don’t think the relationship can work. I don’t think my happiness is based on it. I don’t think I can be the girl who would see wrong in something and ignore. I don’t think everything is worth it.
Insecurities ruin relationships. Wanting to be the only one wouldn’t do you any good. Dwelling on the past too isn’t a good thing to do in a relationship. You have to let go. Trust is an important factor. Learn to trust your partner. That way you can have a healthy relationship.
Before you love someone else
Right now, what we need is self-love. Which means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Do things that make you happy. We don’t do things with ease anymore. Adulthood is frustrating. Everybody wants to tell you how to live your life. Everybody thinks they have a say in things you should do and shouldn’t do. At one point in everyone’s life, there will be a moment where you think there isn’t a single place on earth where you actually belong. Some days, we cry ourselves to bed just because things aren’t going as planned.
Everyone thinks as the last child of my family I’m supposed to be living off my siblings savings and parents. But, how do I explain life isn’t a bed of roses, and it’s just an assumption. That assumption that every last child of a family enjoys is a total crap! It is not applicable to every family. Not when things are hard in the country today. No one is ever gonna remember the last child when everyone is pulling their baggage individually.
I respect every adult in school who are trying to build a better future for themselves. They work and still study just to have a better life. And out of all these struggles, little problems still arise. Yet, we still face peer pressure.
There are times when we feel like giving up. There are times you question your existence on earth. There are times you get tired of living, but keep pushing, It’s just a phase. Most times we create stress for ourselves because we feel we have to do what other people do. That has been a major challenge for the younger generation. Peer pressure is everywhere. There is no where you go to and you don’t meet people doing better than you. Logging in on Instagram, I see influencers of my age signing some huge deals and I feel like Whoa! Another one? Lol! One thing I know is, it’s their time and mine will definitely come because, I’m not just sitting and waiting for a miracle to pop in. You don’t have to let someone else’s success take a hole inside of you. Love yourself more than anybody else. Appreciate your small wins. It is not until you sign a huge deal before you appreciate yourself. Take yourself out and do things that make you happy. The problem doesn’t finish, it keeps arising. The only solution is to love yourself. Do not allow anyone talk you out of your life. No one is going to understand you, only you can.
There are times I just want to be alone, I just want to listen to my voice. I just want to check through my photos and tell myself how beautiful and successful I’m going to become. It’s okay to stay indoors when you don’t feel so good, but do not hurt yourself.
There are people going through depression now, there are people celebrating their achievements, and there are some we’ve lost. So, what makes you think there is no hope?. What we need is to believe in ourselves. Believe you can do it. Believe you can be great. Believe you can do things that no one can. Get out of that sorrow, and smile every day, because you will be there. You will be like whoever you want to be like, if you don’t give up on yourself. That role model that you are looking up to, have a past. But, we wouldn’t know because the world isn’t interested in some old boring story. There is always a starting point before a finishing point, why not go through the process first. Stop hating on yourself. Stop being unfair to yourself. Change those harsh words you say to yourself to some nice words. Love yourself. Do not do things that will detriment your happiness. Love what you do and be happy always.
Pretense
We live in a world of pretense today. People who have true intentions toward you are so less, yet they pretend they are okay with you. They make you believe you got them. An example of a pretense is when you pretend to be friends with someone you don’t like. An example of a pretense is when you date someone you don’t like, but want them around for your selfish reasons.
My first day at college happens to be the best day of my life. I didn’t resume at the stated date of resumption. I resumed late. People already picked each other as friends, I felt so lonely and I didn’t fit into any group of friends. I have always been a loner, so it wasn’t really a big deal, but it was in this new environment. I wanted to belong. Everyone goes to class with a friend, have lunch with a friend, play with a friend, sit with a friend. It felt like I was the only one without a friend in the whole school.
After few days, no one walked up to me to be friends with me. I started feeling unusual. I started seeing myself as “Ugly”. I called my mom on a late afternoon, to inform her that I haven’t been getting along with anyone. I remember asking her if I was beautiful, she laughed, and made me realize I wasn’t only beautiful but I’ve got a good heart too. She told me, sooner or later they will want to be friends with me. I believed my mom, because it been the two of us all my life.
On a Tuesday morning, this group of girls walked up to me. They called themselves DOPE BABES. The one who did the talking happens to be the leader of the group. She got good humor, and before I could say yes to their friendship I’ve been dragged to a car. Where are we going was all I could utter. We got to a beautiful restaurant in town. Precious, the one with the good sense of humor said I would love their food. She said it unlike the one we eat in school. It felt good to sneak out of my comfort zone with these beautiful girls...I got back to my room and crashed off.
The following morning, I went to class so early. I felt strange going to school alone. A part of me wanted to be with those girls. They were my friends, and we are supposed to walk together. I put a call through and Precious said she wasn’t coming. I wanted to go back, but I remembered my studies have always been my major priority.
After the class, I got a text from Debby, one of the DOPE BABES. She said there was a party and she said I have to be there. I hate being told what to do! I don’t follow rules, but then I broke my rules. I went to meet them at a boutique, they were getting clothes for the party. I was thinking about the life these girls live, when I suddenly heard my name. I looked front and saw Precious throwing a dress at me. We left after the shopping.
I was cool with these girls, things were quite okay, until one fateful day. Precious and the other girls started drifting away from me. I didn’t know what I did, I just know they stopped talking to me. I was already into these girls. I literally thought I couldn’t do without them, because I was already living another lifestyle outside the one I brought to the school. Things were not right anymore. Anytime I want to have a conversation with any of them, they snub me and left. I stopped trying to talk to them, instead I went back to my lonely lifestyle.
Guilt caught up with Debby, I guess, because she sent me a text requesting i meet with her. At first, I didn’t want to, I felt how could they stop talking to me for no genuine reason. I didn’t bother searching for answers why I was dumped by the girls. I decided to meet Debby at the restaurant they took me the first day we met. She got there before me, I went over to sit with her. She cleared her throat, and said she’s here on her own, and she made me promise her I wouldn’t tell the girls she met with me, to which I promised. She said Precious and the rest thought I was so full of myself and decided to play a game on me. I asked again, “A game?” She said Yes. Precious said she was going to make me her friend for 3 months and if she succeeded, the girls would buy her 3 dresses. I was shocked, these girls ruined my life. My grades reduced drastically because I was with this group of girls, only for my life to be traded with 3 dresses. I asked her why she decided to tell me, she said she felt bad about it. These girls were friends with me because they felt I was proud for not mingling with the other girls, whereas I was scared because I felt nobody wanted to be friends with me. These girls were friends with me for 3 months just for one of them to get 3 dresses. They never liked me, they didn’t cherish the moments spent, the deceived me for their selfish reasons. All the love shown towards me were fake. It was a pretense of friendship.
Dating at younger age
Clearly, everyone knows what dating is, but one thing I know is, dating at younger age is a total waste of time. If you ask me, as a young girl of 18-23 years, I will tell you that you don’t know what you want. It’s just full of heartbreaks and mistakes. Being younger, you find yourself in relationships, or flings you have no business in. Once you come of age, you know what you want as a lady, you get more courageous and you are not going to surround yourself with some little guys, who have no plans for themselves. You start telling yourself, this is what I like, this is what I do not want. You also become more self-aware. Let me tell you a little story about Tade.
Tade is a young, beautiful, and upfront lady. She started dating when she was 20-year-old. She got an ex, but it wasn’t really a serious thing. Then she met this guy who happened to be the one she spent her last 8 months with. Tade felt it was really worth with. She had likewise goals with this person, and even believed it could be her last bus-stop, because she liked the guy. He started really sweet, he swept her off her feet, he knew what she wanted at the right time, they had no issues at the beginning, until few weeks before his birthday...
He was on a video call with someone on WhatsApp, clearly it wasn’t just a friend because it was a lady who called him. After the call, Tade decided to glance through his chats only to see her boyfriend replying a lady with “Love you too”. At first, she was shocked. She stood up and was ready to leave when the guy went to the entrance, and stood at the doorstep. She asked him to let her leave, but he refused, and later went on his knees, to apologize. He said she was his ex, and he didn’t want her to feel bad, that’s why he returned it. He promised to stop talking to her. She believed him, and they moved pass it.
It was really a fun-filled relationship. Things were going smoothly, there was no problem or trust issues until Tade went home for holiday.
Tade missed her boyfriend so much, and decided to resume early to school, lol! You know the stupid things we do for love as students🤣. Immediately she got to school, she dropped her luggage at her apartment and the decided to move to the guy’s own. On getting there, she was so happy to see him. She ate, and talked about how her holiday went, she asked him if he did anything stupid while she was away, but he said NO. Tade decided to take a picture of herself on his phone. She deleted some that she didn’t like, and went to his recently deleted pictures, only for her to see videos of his ex in his room. It was really a bad day for Tade, she didn’t know what to do, than to leave. As usual, he stood at the doorway, but she pushed him and left. One thing that rang in Tade’s mind at that moment was “What’s the point of loving, when you end up losing at the end”. She left to her friend’s hostel that evening. At the end of the day, she decided to forgive him because she loved him.
He was surprised to see Tade at his door. He ushered her in. He kept apologizing. He was sorry, it was clearly written all over him. Tade forgave him based on conditions. They continued the relationship from there. Just like before, it was all rosy again. Things were okay between the both of them. It had effects on both of them though, but that were moving forward, financially and educationally. Tade felt like he meant the whole world to her, but I don’t know if the guy felt that way, too. Recently, Tade went over to his place because she was ill, and she needed support, but that only added to her sickness. Tade made very mistake of her life as she decided to check through his phone. Her instincts told her somethings were wrong, few days before she went to his place. She unlocked his phone, went straight down to his WhatsApp, only to discover her boyfriend has been sabotaging her to get into other girls panties...I wonder how Tade feels presently. She thought she and the guy could grow together, she saw something really special about him, that’s why she sticked with him. Only for the guy to tell other girls he was in no serious relationship. Has Tade been dating herself all these while?...
Let me know your views about dating at early stage, is it worth it? Or it’s just filled with mistakes?
Warnings
A warning is an advance notice of something that will happen, often something unpleasant or dangerous. Most individuals never heed to warnings. As far as it isn’t from a cleric, or a prophet, we don’t heed to others cautionary advice.
As humans, we do not not believe every thing said to us by outsiders, but the best thing to do is, always give whatever warning or advice a thorough thought, at your own space. Most of us believe in sharing it to people, especially elderly ones who have experience about it. My opinion is, always listen carefully to whatever warning given to you, and give it a deep thought before ignoring it.
Most of us believe so much in our clerics, and every decision we take comes from our clerics, and whenever we are being talked to by friends or outsiders, we ignore it because it’s not coming from our prophets. It shouldn’t be so. God uses these people for us too. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you should heed to whatever your friends or anybody tell you, I’m encouraging you to give it a thorough thought before ignoring. Think about it.
I heard the story of a young boy, who told his Pastor never to go on a trip he planned for. The pastor felt insulted by how a little boy could tell him not to embark on a pastor’s conference he’s been going for ages. He didn’t listen to the boy. On his way to the conference he had a fatal accident and lost his life. What if he had listened or gave the warning a thorough thought, instead of ignoring. Probably he felt God didn’t talk to him directly, but he did through the little boy. No matter who the person giving the warning is, do not make it fall on deaf ears.
Early last year, an old friend of mine called me on phone and said she had a terrible dream about me. Firstly, I was shocked because it been long we’ve spoken. I went ahead and asked her what she dreamt about, she said “Tee, I dreamt you had an accident.” I was in school that period. I made sure that week she told me about it I didn’t go anywhere. I didn’t board any car, or motorcycle. Our lives are important. You don’t shove everyone’s advice away. Most of these advice is for our own personal good.
No matter who gave you the warning, it’s either short or tall, dark or light-skinned, old or young, always give it a thorough thought. God can send anyone to you. It doesn’t necessarily have to be your pastor, or prophet. It could be anyone, a friend, stranger, spouse, anybody. Do not ignore any warning given to you. We’ve heard or seen testimonies in church. People who would praise God for not embarking on some journey that could have cost them their lives.
I once heard a story of two young, beautiful girls. One decided to poison the other because she was envy of her. She felt her other friend had everything she wanted. On one fateful day, the other friend was on her way home from school and an elderly woman called her and told her to bring her lunch because she was starving. She felt bad for the elderly woman and decided that once she get home, she will give the woman her lunch as she promised. She got home home, and hurriedly poured the food her other friend has made for her. She got to the woman and gave her the food. The woman thanked her and told her to wait, she then called a dog and poured it for the dog. The girl got really angry, and asked the elderly woman why she had decided to give her lunch to a dog? The woman said she should watch the dog eat it. Few minutes later, the dog died. The girl couldn’t believe her food was poisoned. Was if she didn’t listen to the woman when she asked her to bring her lunch for her? What if she was selfish with her food? What if she didn’t give the woman her listening ears and have ignored?...
Your warning may not be like the ones illustrated below, yours might be different. Give every warning a thorough thought. Give ears to every advice. Be safe out there!
Hate
Hate begins from home. It bothers me when I hear little children use the word “Hate”. I have seen parents who told their children not to communicate with their Neighbor’s kids just because of a clash they’ve had in the past. And it continues that way, the kids stay away from each other because of their parents clash in the past. This should stop in the society. Whatever issues you have with friends or relatives, neighbors, it should never be passed onto the children.
I know a mother, who made sure she separated her son from his father. She tells the son how cruel the father had been since he was born, and made sure the son hated his father. Few years after, the mother jumped into the father at a restaurant, and she noticed he wasn’t an asshole as she assumed. She started seeing her son’s father secretly, but was too ashamed to tell the son, because of the hatred she had built inside of him. The boy later found out, and couldn’t imagine how his mother can be so inhumane. I believe whatever happened between our parents should stay by our parents. Children should not be involved. As a mother you don’t need to tell your sons or daughters never to communicate with their father. This hatred parents build in their children goes a long way in life.
Next to social media. I wonder why there is always this one person who would type something contradicting to whatever someone has said. Some people just hate you naturally. They wouldn’t even want to see a picture of you, they are quick to type a bad comment.
I was on a celebrity fashion designer post yesterday on Instagram. Her last post, someone talked about her incorrect English. On this particular post, I noticed no error, until I went over to the comment session, and there was this one person who saw an error there. I was shocked. I asked myself “How do people have time to look for errors in people’s post?”... Funny enough, the guy who pointed out the error to everyone also couldn’t type a correct English, funny Nigerians🤣. This needs to stop, actually. Can we just view people’s posts and pass? It’s just as simple as that. You don’t need to make jokes on people’s mistake. Most people don’t even take it as joke.
About celebrities having clash too. We get to see fans diverting from one celebrity to another. Fans are basically the ones that start the fire. This one would say, I belong to Davido, the other one will say Wizkid, and they start judging through their differences. The funniest thing is, these celebrities doesn’t even know you exist. Why waste your time on their case. If fight start on Twitter, you are there. On instagram, you are there. You start hating on somebody you don’t even know, or doesn’t even know you exist. And immediately these celebrities get back together, you are the first person to know. Really?
Let’s stop hating on people. It is of no advantage to us. It doesn’t remove anything from the people you are hating on. And about our parents dispute with friends, or colleagues, it is not our responsibility to take up the hate. Little Tee once said, I wouldn’t greet this guy because he doesn’t greet my parents. You don’t get to talk to everyone, but don’t hate anybody. I remember in Js2, a friend of mine called Precious told me she hated my friend and I. This same Precious became my best friend in Ss1. We were little, she didn’t know what hate meant. Sadly, I never did anything to her to make her hate me.
Never hate people because you think everyone hate them! That’s the commonest thing in the country today. Most people don’t even have a reason for hating you, they just hate you because you are who you are. Let’s not participate in hate. Yes, you don’t get to make everyone your friend, you don’t get to talk to everybody, but don’t join people in hating anyone. Let’s choose love over hate.
Be good! And do have a lovely day!
It takes process
After watching episode seven of the movie “MANIFEST”, I decided to check through my phone. I remembered mom’s 60th birthday is tomorrow, and I realized that she hasn’t even started eating the fruit of her labor at 60. Tears rolled down my eyes, I couldn’t help but think about how my siblings are still trying to make something out of the little paycheck they get.
It was at this moment I know it takes process. We are going to have everything we wish we had someday, but it takes process, which requires time.
I know there are things on each and everyone’s desk that we wish we’ve acquired before now, but you are still waiting for that thing to manifest. I’m here to tell you, it takes process and do not give up! Do not think you’ve gotten to that last bus-stop where these dreams aren’t going to manifest. It just requires time.
There are times we are at our lowest. Especially this period in January. Everyone is going through one thing or the other, I’m one of those people myself. There are bad and good days. There are days I don’t feel like myself, days I feel like giving up, days I question myself about when all the good wishes is going to manifest... one thing I know is it take process, and we all going to live that life we want, if we can work towards it and with prayers.
There’s nothing I crave more than seeing my family and I living our dream life and being happy. The time money isn’t going to be an issue for any of us, and we are just going to be happy doing what we love. I wish that day arrive fast. It takes process for everything we dreamed of coming to pass. One thing I say to myself whenever I don’t feel okay, Is to tell myself everything is going to be fine, that it is just a stage, and I will pass through it.
The best thing to do whenever you are at your lowest, is to give yourself time to think, listen to your own voice, and accept the situation as it is, with the feeling that you going to pass through it.
One thing that makes me sad is because I know my mom deserves the best now, but I’m not just in the right position to give her the life she deserves. I believe one day all of these is going to be a story cos we will be living our best life then.
Whatever challenges you’re facing now, I just want you to believe it’s a process, and everything is going to be okay very soon.
A friend of mine came in this afternoon, and said she hadn’t been in her right mind for sometime. I asked if everything was okay with her, and she said she can’t even express herself. I made her calm, and told her I’ve been there too. It normal for things to go wrong at times, it’s normal for things not to go as planned, you don’t have to beat yourself to it, but trust the process, with time everything is going to be okay.
We are not where we want to be yet, but I believe we will be there if we don’t give up. Giving up should be your last option. It’s just a trial, a stage we all going to pass through. Do not get intimidated by what others have, believe it’s takes process and your time will come too.
My pastor once said “Choose where you want to belong by your attitude and commitment”. At first, I didn’t get that message until I pictured all the cross-over nights that I have witnessed. Few days before New year, we all got so excited about the things we want to do in the New year, we write down our resolutions, but we end up doing nothing or accomplishing all we want to achieve that year and it’s because we are so excited about what we want and not committed to it. A footballer is not only excited about his career, but committed to it. Ask God and be committed to every aspect of your life. This is the time to be happy about other people’s progress, and achievements, because it takes just little time for all your dreams to manifest. Be happy. And trust the process!
Fake love
So, I got an email notification on my cell phone which says, “Thank you, you made the last 16 months memorable. I hope you find the joy you deserve from somebody else, not me”. The mail wasn’t clear enough, I decided to put a call through. He picked at the third attempt. I asked faintly, “Are you breaking up with me?”, then he said “I’m sorry! You deserve better, Tee”.
I was indoors all through the week. I couldn’t believe I wasted 16 months with someone who who claimed he loved me, but only showed fake love towards me. He made me realize he’s been managing me for months, when he had someone else who he gave his love and attention to. How could I be used like that?, did he ever wanted to be with me?, did I actually made the 16 months memorable for him?. These were the questions ringing in my head. I could never imagine myself being dumped by some guy. I wept all night...
One of his friends reached out to me when he heard the news. He called to check on me, which I did appreciate. Before he ended the call, I asked him if his friend ever loved me?. He said, Tee, he never did. He thought he would, along the line. His intention was not to date you. He dated you because of the kindness you showed towards him. I was so angry at the moment. He dated me because he wanted to pay back the favor, really? How can someone be so inhumane. How can someone pretend to love you for a year and four months when he’s just dating you because you did him a favor.
I was told by a friend never to date him back then, but I felt there’s just so much quickness to think the worst of someone. So, I didn’t heed to the advice.
This guy pretended to love me even with my flaws, he acted like he was comfortable with my clinginess. He never for once complained about me. He laughed to my jokes, always there to hear me rant. This same person told his friends he’s been managing me for months. How can someone pretend that much? How can you act like you’re fine with someone's personality when you’re not?... We all need to start expressing ourselves. You don’t need to show fake love to anyone. If you’re not comfortable with people, tell them! And if they don’t change, leave! You don’t have to tell anyone you’ve been managing them, when you could have just leave when it was still fresh.
After few weeks, I became resilient with the help of my beautiful friends and sisters. Every parent should infuse a little sense of resilience, sense of strength, not apologizing for being who we are. I believe so many girls, including myself have been raised to think that if one person doesn’t like you that’s the end of the world. I obviously think it’s a terrible thing to teach girls. It is important for girls to think of themselves as subject. You’re not just an object, that someone can say oh! I like you, I don’t like you, change your behavior for me. It’s important for us to know what we want.
One afternoon, I told myself, I would rather use my energy on things that make more sense to me. I came back on my feet and stopped crying over a guy who lost me. Yeah, fake love is everywhere, but we all need to be careful out there. Watch who you say yes to as a lady. It’s normal to want more out of everything, but watch the red flags when you see them. Don’t say he’s gonna change and keep staying. The break will be hard.
I learnt my lesson. I’m glad we crossed path because I didn’t just date him, I learnt from him.
Self-love is very important. Put yourself first, and love yourself more than anybody else. Life is all about lessons. We keep learning everyday. No matter how bad I’ve been treated, I still have a heart of gold and endless love to give to everyone.
No matter what you’ve gone through, or you going through, please do not hate anyone. Let’s wish everyone well. Sometimes, it’s needless trying to correct certain errors and it’s fine to make some bad choices. We are not perfect ourselves. We are humans after all.
Poor parental care
I could have just said mommy issues, but I wouldn’t, because the children belongs to both parents, and it’s not an assigned duty to only the mother, but the father as well. Normally, we hear people say it’s the mother’s duty to raise the child, but the best way to raise a child is when the father and the mother come together in bringing up their future, which is the child.
I was at the salon yesterday afternoon, when my stylist suddenly talked about this particular girl at my vicinity. This girl happens to be one of the students I taught extra lessons during the Coronavirus saga early last year. I was told she was taken to hotel by guys at last nights. I was disappointed, at the same blamed the parents for their absence. A girl of 16-year-old who deserve a better future. What could she be doing at hotels with different guys?...
Her mother is a local chef, and she owns a shop at a market square, where we cook and sell food for a living. The father of the girl is no where. There was a time, I was told the girl and her little sister share different fathers. The mother will go for weeks, and decide to come home for 3 days, and leave. She will drop them foodstuffs and the necessary money she think they need and leave. This girl has being the one taking care of her sister, whenever the mother is not around. My point is, children most times needs more than food. Parental care extends far beyond providing food and protection. Spending quality time with your kids is going to do those children good than bad. It is not always about “have you eaten” or “Are you satisfied”. You need to start asking your kids “Are you okay”, “How are you coping”, “Are there any challenges you wanna talk about”. You need to ask your children intimate questions, you need to get to know your children more. Most times, it is not about food alone. There is more outside the world, the are so many things those kids digest in them and never opened up to anyone, instead they take decisions alone. You need to be present for your kids, they need your attention and love. Show them you care about them, make them know you understand what they are going through, even if you don’t, just to get them to speak. I hear a lot of news about how little girls are being molested by the close relatives parents keep them with. Yet, these kids are threatened not to voice out, and the agony live with them for life. We can raise our children differently. You don’t trust your kids with anyone. Most parents don’t even go over to pick their children at school. Once a little child sees her friend’s mom coming to pick her friend, she’s definitely going to feel bad that there’s no one coming for her. After dinner, sit your kids down and ask about how their day went. It’s not about the food every time. Peer pressure is everywhere. No child is too old or young to experience peer pressure.
Spend quality time with your kids. It doesn’t leave the father out. Give your children the chance to express themselves. Try as much as possible to know what is going on in their lives. When I talk about children here, I don’t mean the adolescents alone. You got adults as children, you got some in the university. I will use myself as an example, I got home on the 24th of December and till date, my mom hasn’t asked me how I cope at school, what my challenges are? Are there things I wanna talk about? Oh! She didn’t do that. Instead, these parents want to talk about themselves more, they want the children to know how their marriage has been since they left for school. We shouldn’t be ignorant of these things. There is nobody that isn’t going through one thing or the other in this world, but your children are your future. They deserve more care, attention than you do. It is nobody’s duty to watch your kids grow for you. No matter how old your children are, they need you. Children needs more parental care aside feeding.
I wish y’all a great day🥰.
Ego
“I can’t allow anyone to talk to me anyhow” is a common statement from a mindset that has perpetuated poverty more than anything. Work on your poor self-esteem, it could sabotage you. I heard of a story of a young man who said he can’t take less paychecks because he is a graduate. Don’t let “how much are they paying you” by friends or kins rub you of the invaluable opportunities to begin somewhere, and learn things money cannot buy.
Work on your ego, it shouldn’t be bigger than all the opportunities that will come your way.
I would use my brother as an example. A lady once introduced him to a British secondary school at Magodo, Lagos state. But he said he doesn’t want to teach, no matter the pay. He lost the opportunity because he felt there is no amount given to teachers that worth the work done. Now, he is a teacher, and the opportunity is gone, plus he started with a low salary compared to that. We mustn’t always lose opportunities before we learn to accept things the way they are. Stewardship is not about status, slavery nor worship. Most of us don’t even like starting small, we just want something huge without not minding the consequences. We allow our ego to Lead us to the wrong path.
Some people don’t relate with some certain people because they think they’re superior to them. How many people on this earth do you think you can be superior to?... I believe we should be humble, tend to consider yourself no special importance. There is always this set of girls who wouldn’t want to mingle, or associate with everybody, because they think so highly of themselves. Humility goes a long way, no matter how big or small, wealthy or not, let’s all respect everyone. No matter how well you’re doing at work, school, church, no matter the rank you are, try to be humble. Don’t let your ego get the best of you. Yeah, there’s a time we get so full of ourselves, but let’s always remember who we were before we got to that position.
Another common thing everyone stick to is “go where you are celebrated not where you are tolerated”. In this life, you’ll have to go to many places you are tolerated to learn and serve on your way to where you are celebrated. Life is in stages. You have to follow the process, you can’t run across time. Yes, I understand most times we all want to give up, we are tired of going slowly, our mates are doing better than we are, but then you just have to trust the process and keep moving. Ego is always needing approval. Drop your ego! Trust is hard to recover once it has been broken multiple occasions which is why I find it understandable when people shut the doors to their mind, could this just be their egos responding to the hurt? Is this the actual truth or only the voice of your ego?... Yogi Bhajan once said, “When ego is lost, limit is lost. You become infinite, kind and beautiful .” Shouldn’t we become better people from those experience rather than close down on new ones. It even really bad if you don’t want people to correct you or talk to you. Most times people correct us in awkward ways, but you just have to take people for who they are, and not allow that get to you, instead give whatever they corrected you about a deep thought. Don’t close down on anyone or tell some certain people not to talk to you because you think you’re not mates. Be humble! Try and listen to people’s ideas. Age isn’t maturity. We keep learning everyday of our lives. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/583863-when-ego-is-lost-limit-is-lost-you-become-infinite#:~:text=You%20become%20infinite%2C%20kind%2C%20beautiful.%E2%80%9D
Try and surrender your need for control. We are not our egos, we are not our achievements. Once you let ego control your life, you won’t be happy or relaxed because as soon as you lose one of the things you are identified with, you will be unhappy. Life has taught me a lot of lessons, the dominant one being attaining humility. Humility is a respectable character that we should all try and develop and nurture even when things get hard and the world around us refuse to evolve. Stay humble always and be of good behavior.
Procrastination
Beating procrastination should be your number one priority if you want to achieve things in life. Procrastination gets in the way of almost everything you desire. The rational decision maker will make the rational decision to do something productive, but a procrastinator will do things that aren’t worth doing when they have work to get done. There was a time I had an exam to write, and instead of studying two weeks before the exam, something inside me will say, why not go on YouTube and watch interviews of Chimamanda Adichie, hahaha. All of that will take a while so we are not going to have room on the schedule for any work. I had to trick my brain into getting things done. That was what made me pass that exam that year.
A procrastinator only cares about two things, easy and fun. Anytime a deadline gets too close or a danger, that’s when a procrastinator gets terrified.
Non- procrastinators doesn’t exist. I think all of us are procrastinators, just that you might not be a mess like some of us, and some may be good at keeping to deadlines. I once had a friend who says “we are all still gonna die anyway, better enjoy now”. That has been her way of life. She doesn’t stress herself on anything, and does things at her convenient time. Procrastination will only bring you unhappiness, frustration and regrets.
I had a conversation with my close friend two days before new year. She said she had started writing her resolutions for the new year, I wanted to know her resolutions, so I asked her what she wrote, and she said her number one is procrastination. She said she want to stop it by all means. She made me realize it is what is stopping her from doing most things, and not getting her to where she is supposed to be.
And the worst thing about being a procrastinator is, you know exactly why you’re failing, but too afraid to tell anyone because you think someone will get even mad at you.
As students, when we are given assignments by lecturers, we procrastinate, especially if it is a lecturer that accepts late work, meaning he can still collect it after a week from now, so why do it now when he’s still going to collect later. There are times here on read.cash, I envy people that write everyday, because I am always like, ohh! No inspiration today, I will tomorrow, and I might not even write till three days after.
Nic Voge once said, procrastination isn’t shameful, it is not a sign of weakness, or flaw, it’s predictable.
While surfing the internet last night, I came across ways to stop procrastinating, and one of them is : create a list with specific deadlines, this way you can beat the deadlines.
2) break bigger problems into manageable junks. As students I feel it shouldn’t be two weeks before exam you start reading. Reading a chapter of your courses everyday as school resumes helps a lot.
3) set aside time and space for work. The step is all about allowing yourself to truly focus without getting distracted.
4) remove distractions. Take note of the ways your attention wanders. Maybe you’re drawn to WhatsApp or instagram. Maybe you are prone to talking with friends, maybe there are too many tempting stuffs around you. Single out these distractions and eliminate them.
5) do one thing at a time. Multitasking is a myth. We humans can truly devote our minds to one task at a time.
6) reward yourself with breaks.
I hope this help all of us including myself, because I’m trying to work on procrastination this new year. You can as well tell us how you’ve gotten rid of procrastination in the comment session. Take care😘
Personal development
What I told myself last year, is to work on myself this new year. I came to realize that love at early stage is a distraction. As a lady, I want more of everything. I never want to settle for less.
One thing we all need as adults is true love, you don’t need to waste anyone’s time, pretending to love them, when what you just feel for them is lust. I think it’s high time, we all start working on ourselves, let’s try to be better people for ourselves.
I have heard of stories of young teenagers who date from young age and ended up marrying each other, but I have never seen people like that. It might not work for you. You may have to date like 3 guys before you finally see someone who would love you for who you are, but that time we busy looking for love, why not spend that time loving yourself and working towards your dream. Learn how to be independent, take risks and learn about life.
There is a time in every lady’s life, you just wanna be loved. Most times we don’t get that love in the family, and the moment we find comfort in a guy, we relax and get distracted. And anytime these guys start being uncomfortable, we start hating on ourselves, and crying. We are humans after all, you don’t expect the same treatment you give people back. Nobody will live up to your expectations. The only development you need, is your personal development. Always expect the worse from every situation.
As ladies, we want comfort, luxuries, we always want more in every relationship, we want the love we give back, but we don’t get these things, but get hurt.
Love is not for everybody. You don’t get to have everything in life. It’s either you work on yourself and be a better person for yourself, or you lose. I read on becoming Toke, a book written by the famous media personality called Toke Makinwa. Love cheated her, she spent her 20’s on a man, yet she lost him. Here she is, making her money, traveling everywhere in the world, and independent. You can have a man and still lost your dreams. Don’t get me wrong, you can have love and still be a successor, but then you can have one. My number one mentor is, NGOZI OKONJO- IWEALA, she is a Nigerian- American economist, and also a Director-General of the World Trade Organization. She is married and and also a successor. My number two mentor is CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE, who is a Nigerian writer but known all over the world as a Feminist Icon. She’s happily married and also a successor. My number three mentor is Robyn Rihanna, who is Barbadian singer, and a business woman. Her beauty line has helped her enter one of the most exclusive ranks: Billionaire. Rihanna is now worth $1.7 billion, Forbes estimates making her the wealthiest female musician in the world and second only to Oprah Winfrey as the richest female entertainer. Rihanna is single, and also a successor. In other word, you may not have a spouse but still achieve your dreams. It doesn’t mean you have to have a man before you can be successful .
Marriage is seen as a platform of success nowadays. Some think their lives would get better in marriage. Let’s focus on ourselves for now. Do not force relationship or vibes. Yes, we are prone to make mistakes, but when you make one, do not make it repeat itself again.
It’s like there is a magnet that works with we students whenever we are in love, we think our life depends on it, whereas it’s just a distraction, it’s just a stage we are going to pass through, but do not lose focus. Don’t throw away your goals because of love. That love could be part time, it might not necessarily mean you’ll get married to that person. Most times, it is not worth fighting for. When the time comes, the love will come naturally to you.
For how, let’s stay focused, let’s work on ourselves . Take people for who they are, yes, there will be a time you get to love someone, but enjoy it while it last and be focused. If it doesn’t work, you don’t have to see yourself as a failure or look for ways attempting suicide. I see girls who have been in relationship with guys for five years and above, yet they go heartbroken , but still pick themselves up, and rather focus more on their personal development. We all have that friend, who get lot of gifts from her boyfriend constantly, and there’s this sense of jealousy that comes from within, I’ve felt that way before, but what I know is, people are different. It could be her time, but you might not even be lucky to see a guy who would get you gift, but you can work and get yourself that same gift. That friend you envy, there’s something special you have, that she doesn’t have. Don’t let that get to you or keep you distracted. We can be independent as women, we can be successors too. I believe we women can make it just like men. There’s no gender-based in success.
See y’all at the top. Let’s not waste this year on infatuations. Let’s work on a better tomorrow. This lust is just for a short while. It’s just distractions. Love and be loved, but remain focused.
Grateful heart
It’s 365 of 365 days. It been a sweet year I must say. From loving to being loved, had betrayals but stood strong. I’m so grateful to God. It would have been tough without God in it. Thankful for it all. The highs, the lows, the blessings and the lessons.
Thanks to everyone that supported me on this journey, Thanks for not giving up on me.
Special thanks to my family. I know I have been a frustrating last born, hahaha, but I want you all to know, I do not take the bond we share for granted. I love you all, starting from my big sisters to my brothers, y’all are the best. I promise to be a better sister this new year😊😌.
Thanks to @Greatwolfman na man you be. I can’t even thank you enough. I’ve known you since secondary school days, but we became so close in 2019. Thanks for the listening ears you give to my rants, thank you for encouraging me, I didn’t want to join read.cash at the beginning, I thought I couldn’t do it, and I didn’t have time to sit and be writing stories. He tried convincing me, but one thing I’d ever wanted in life, is to be independent. I hate begging for money and, I’m always willing to learn. Thank you Adewole for not giving up on me. You are really a good friend that I can count on, because we’ve shared so many things together.
To my best friend, Temidayo. I just want you to know I love you. Thanks for being a good friend, thank you for always having my back. I don’t take any of those for granted. Cheers to better years ahead.🥂
To my boyfriend, I met you this year, and ever since then you’ve been a blessing to me. Thanks for the words of encouragement, and the gifts, I appreciate all😌.
To my other friends, Dave, Bolaji, Tejumola, Precious, Kabirah, Busayo.I can’t even mention all their names, but I appreciate y’all. Thank you for sticking by me all through the year. I’m grateful.
To my humble self, you did it! And I’m so proud of the woman you’re becoming. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m glad I made it. I’m glad I’m becoming a better person. I know I’m going to be who I want to be someday.
To my virtual friends, both here on read.cash and Instagram. I’m grateful to y’all. Thanks for always upvoting my posts, thanks for your comments on every article. It really encourages me. I love y’all.❤️
Dear Soulwriter, please be consistent this coming year, both in your business and on read.cash. Stop being lazy, and stop procrastinating. I procrastinate a lot. I plan on working on that. As we go into the new year, I pray it’s our best year, and we won’t record any death. Amen.
I actually don’t know what to write, but I’m grateful I’m alive to witness the end of the year. I just feel like posting myself, hahaha.
2022 is very personal. I owe myself a lot. I wish y’all a prosperous year ahead. I pray our prayers won’t go unanswered. Everything we lay our hands on shall prosper. We shall have testimonies this new year. There will be nothing impossible this new year. I pray the Lord will protect us this new year. The grace of God shall speak for us everywhere we go, in this new year. (Amen). Please, let’s go of the past pains, and let’s move on. Settle all disputes, drop all grudges , and leave the battle for God to fight it.
Let’s learn how to be patient this new year, let’s leave with situations. You don’t have to be sad because things are not going the way you want them to, instead pray about it and, be patient. You may be feeling lost, confused, weary of what to come, but I promise you as I promise myself that you won’t always feel this way. You’ll smile again, you’ll laugh again, you’ll feel like yourself again. One day you’ll look back and be thankful that you did not give up. Keep believing. I love you 💕. See y’all in 2022🌷.
Thanksgiving
One of the keys that manifest dominion is Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is an attitude of gratitude. The best form of maintaining grace is a heart of gratitude.
It’s 364 out of 365 days, what a gracious God we serve. He is worthy of our praises. We should be grateful to God for sparing our lives to this moment. What a marvelous God!. It’s not how far you’ve come, it’s not your everyday going to church, but his Grace over our lives and loved ones. Yeah, we lost people this year, we lost our loved ones, but have you for once asked yourself why you are hale and hearty to this moment? It’s not by your power but by the power of the Supreme one. We are grateful, Lord Jesus.
I just want you to know that no matter what you went through this year, the tears you shed, the disappointment, the failures, it is only preparing us for a better year. He is still worthy of our Praises. Many people want this kind of Grace, but we got it without paying a dime, what a marvelous God we serve!.
This is the time to take off your problems from your shoulders, this is the time to appreciate God. This is the time to thank him for what he is yet to do in your life and for what he has done. This is the time to let go of that pain, that grudge, that hatred, enter the New year with a better you, enter it like a new born baby with a positive mindset and no pains.
Thanksgiving is a command. Thank God for your salvation. Thank God for his goodness and love. Thank God for his protection, His provision, His healing. Thank God for victory of sin and death.
This is the time to reflect on the things you want to change this coming year. This is the time to write down the things you don’t want to enter the coming year with. Write down the good things you want for the coming year. Make a resolution.
This is the time to renew your faith with God. Stop the doubts! But your faith in one place. Stop going around looking for solutions that you can get in a second, If you believe. Put your faith in him. Trust him for what is yet to come. All of us go through a lot, you are not the only one, but he hasn’t forgotten us. He loves us.
Enter the New year with thanksgiving, enter it with a heart of gratitude.
Prepare yourself for the coming year. The bigger your destiny, the bigger your challenges. Being a believer doesn’t stop tribulations, it makes the transition easier.
The mystery of thanksgiving is wisdom. Wisdom is the principal thing, get it.
Wisdom is the word of God that leads us to the right path of life. There has to be a place of wisdom in every decision making this New year. Thanksgiving is one of the applications of wisdom to enjoy dominion in life. Lack of Godly wisdom is the cause of frustration. Ask for divine wisdom for the year. It is a necessity.
What are the benefits of thanksgiving:
- It preserves the blessing of God in our lives.
-It brings restoration to any situation.
-It perfect our blessings.
- It renews our strength.
- It hastens miracle.
- It brings life to dead issues.
- It commands multiplication of blessing.
For the spirit of thanksgiving to finally dwell, you need to settle all disputes you’ve had with people, free your mind from anger, free it from hatred. You can take all that into the New year. Make up with everyone you’ve had misunderstanding with. Drop the ego and reach out to everyone, this way your mind and soul is free. Let’s go of the past, and live in the moment.
Everything written here is not to make you feel bad, but the one word it passing is, in everything give thanks.
Anger
Anger is a strong feeling that makes you want to hurt someone or be unpleasant because of something unfair or unkind that has happened. There’s no advantage of getting angry, instead it destroys so many things. I know it’s not easy to control anger, but it can be corrected. It’s not everything that deserves a reaction from us, somethings are better left unsaid. Walk away from things that would get you angry. If your flaw is anger, this is not to judge you, but it an assurance that nothing can’t be changed.
Ella lives with her boyfriend in school. Her boyfriend happens to be my neighbor at school. Whenever Ella is angry with her boyfriend, she prefers breaking his stuffs. I’ve heard of so many misunderstandings they’ve had, but the last one got the mother involved. Ella was angry with Joshua, her boyfriend, she slammed his phone on the floor and went ahead to his Hp laptop and broke it. Josh has been living with this for over a year, but he couldn’t live with it anymore. He took her to the police station to report her, and when the policeman instructed her to write a statement, she swore she was going to struck the pen into his eyes. The policeman was shocked and instructed he take her away. He started looking for ways to deal with her and make her repair his laptop, as that was the only channel he get his money from.
Joshua is a graduate, who is fully into cryptocurrency. Ella is a 300lv student, studying science laboratory technology.
Joshua went ahead to report Ella to her HOD( head of department). The woman summoned Ella , and asked her if she did what the guy said she did, she said YES. Joshua was asked how much he needed to repair his laptop and he said, she should pay the sum of sixty thousand naira only. That he is going to balance it up. The HOD then asked some meaningful questions, then told Ella she has few days to get the money, she said failure to get the money before 28th of December will make her forfeit her admission.
This morning, Ella’s mom called Joshua that a woman called her from Ella’s department, saying if she doesn’t pay for a broken laptop, she’s going to forfeit her admission. Joshua confirmed that all she said was true as her daughter has been destroying his properties for a while. Ella’s mom then said her daughter told her she was slapped by him that’s why she broke the laptop.
Ella’s admission is on stake, while her mother too is trying to wage war against Joshua.
There are things anger destroys, it has never created anything good. You can speak to your anger. Try controlling it, not every argument deserves a reaction from us. Try walking away from trouble. Some ladies are well known for lousiness and trouble, you can drop all these and become a better person. Be known for peace and humility. Let them speak good of you. Stop being famous for awkward things. Don’t make anger get the best of you. You can always walk away when you’re angry.
There are things you can do whenever you’re angry, and they are:
* Tell yourself to calm down.
* Force yourself to leave the situation. Take a time out, walk away, and avoid coming back too soon.
* Use visualization to calm down. You can close your eyes and picture yourself in your favorite place.
* Slow down and focus on your breathing.
* You can phone a friend. Go out and do something fun, trust me you definitely going to forget someone got you angry.
Don't allow anger to get the best of you. Trust me you definitely going to regret whatever you said or did when you were angry. Try as much as possible to control your emotions, talk to your inner mind to slow down. Don’t react to every shade thrown at you. Patience is the solution to anger. Trust me, people love to see us at our lowest, they want to see the best you are capable of doing, just leave them mute, don’t react.
I hope this piece helps someone who is dealing with anger. You can as well drop yours in the comment session, tell us what you do to suppress your anger. Do have a lovely day!
It’s Christmas
Merry Christmas lovers! I pray we witness more in good health and wealth. Please, be contented with whatever you have, and celebrate in your little way.
I traveled home yesterday from school. I woke up feeling so sick, with a severe headache and I discovered am belching with an empty stomach. Yesterday was a chaotic day for me. I boarded a bus from car park and I discovered other buses left before our bus could move. The driver knew vividly that his bus was not in a good condition but because of his selfishness, he loaded us in the bus. On getting to Oyo, he parked the bus without uttering a word to the passengers. Some students asked why he parked, and he said his fan belt had tore. We were all shocked, how would you carry us from ogbomosho when you knew your bus wasn’t in good condition. We were at the mechanics shop for close to two hours. Other students were ranting but I just kept mute, even though I was raging inside.
I connected my headset and started listening to good music. That’s what I do whenever I’m not in good mood. The bus got fixed and we moved. The traffic was not too heavy, we got to Berger which was the last bus_stop.
I got to Berger and boarded another bus to Abule-egba (my last bus-stop) the traffic was heavy, but to God be the glory I highlighted safely. My mom was so happy to see me, the last time she saw me was August. I got home feeling good until last night, I discovered I was belching continuously, I then took Andrew liver salt but still I continued belching.
Christmas is fun here, mom has been in the kitchen since 6am cooking and she said she will be making pounded yam for us. Well, right from when I was a kid, we celebrate Christmas at home, we don’t travel anywhere. We spend quality time together as a family and mom prays for each of us every Christmas morning. I’m thankful to God for sparing our lives. It’s a reason to be thankful.
I’m sure we all have reasons to be thankful to God. He’s been so good to all of us, even though you feel some of your payers haven’t been answered yet, but don’t stop praying and thanking him for what he’s yet to do in your life. He never forsake his Children.
If God blessed you with more than enough this year, try reaching out to your neighbors who have little, help them with some food. You can even invite your friends over, instead of disposing those food at the end of the day. Try giving out some. There’s a reward attached to giving. Don’t say nobody owe you nothing. Be good to people!.
Now, I can’t take the pounded yam and rice because I don’t want to have indigestion. I’m so scared to eat now, lol. One thing is that I love to eat a lot and I think it’s the one that is affecting me.
I’m so glad @FarmGirl and @Jeansapphire39 for their sponsorship. I’m so happy. Thanks a lot.
I hope we are all having a fun-filled Christmas? Eat whatever you have, be grateful for what you have.
I’m glad my mom and dad are so good together this Christmas. They’ve never agreed on anything before. I’m so grateful to God that there’s peace in my family and everything is going as planned.
The nurse just came here not quite long. She said I should treat malaria instead, she’s given me the necessary prescription. Also, I collected some injections. I know I will be fine once I wake up. Due to the stress I went through yesterday, I’m sure that’s what Is making me weak and dull. The annoying thing is, I can’t eat my favorite food because I lost my appetite. I’m sure once I sleep now, I will be back stronger.
Enjoy your Christmas and be happy!
Happiness
It’s a season of love as we all know, endeavor to be happy. As the year is coming to an end try as much as possible to do things that would make you happy. Run away from violence, trouble and all sorts.
Let’s live in love and happiness. We have seven more days for the year to finally come to an end, please let’s try and put up our best behavior, love one another, settle all disputes and be happy.
Let’s be filled with Thanksgiving. This is the time to reflect on the past months and thank God for how far you’ve gone, where he’s taking you and the plans his got for you. This is the time to think deep and surrender all to God. This is the time you let go of your past and move on. This is the time you pour out all grudges you’ve had, and leave it to God to fight your battles for you.
This is a season of giving. Don’t get me wrong! We all have that thing we don’t want to use anymore. It doesn’t necessarily mean money, it could be clothes, it could be food, shoes, salt, anything within your power. Let’s try to give out whatever little thing we have to help the needy. Every little smile can touch somebody’s heart. No one is born happy, but all of us are born with ability to create happiness. Create your own happiness!.
You can create your own happiness by developing a positive mindset. Don’t dwell on the negative, especially in regards to how you see yourself. Focus on enhancing what’s good in your life as opposed to fixing what’s wrong.
Accept that happiness is something you can provide yourself. Don’t wait on friends to make you happy.
Always put on a smile. You’ve heard this one before that physically expressing emotion actually gives rise to that emotion in the body and mind has been around 200 years, and is supported by billions of smiles a day.
Try and abandon thoughts that distress or depress you.
Stop judging yourself. Even if you’ve done something wrong, try not to judge yourself too harshly for it. Do take ownership of what happened, but do so with love and compassion for yourself.
Be mindful. Pay attention to all moments without analyzing or judgement.
Surround yourself with positive people. The best predictor of your happiness is the strength of your personal relationship and the amount of time spent with loved ones. Try as much to avoid relationships with people who judge you, or don’t respect you. Run away from toxic relationships, friendship. Run away from anything that may bring sadness to your heart this season. Let’s love our neighbors just as we love ourselves. Don’t keep grudges with anyone.
Always compliment yourself. Focus on what you’re doing well by giving yourself regular compliments. Don’t wait for anyone to tell you “well done” tell yourself every single day. It makes you think positively about yourself.
Do whatever makes you happy this season. Yes, you will be pushed to anger but try not to do things you’ll regret. Handle every situation with patience and love for your own happiness.
Stop comparing yourself to other people. Everyone is on their own journey, so it’s unfair for you to measure your progress by looking at what others have accomplished. Instead, compare yourself to where you were in the past and see how far you’ve gone.
Be happy all through the season. Spend Christmas with your loved ones. Have fun, but make sure there are no regrets.
Try new things this season. For instance, if you’ve been thinking on trying some certain foods, try them! If you’ve been wanting to go to a certain place, go and have fun. But, I believe in balance and tranquility, you can’t have enough of everything. Do things in a good way and not too much.
stay safe. Use all preventive measures as you’re going out. Stay away from trouble this season. Love one another, and pray everyday. Merry Christmas in advance ❤️
Body image
Body image refers to how individuals sees their own body and how attractive they feel themselves to be. Body image deals with skin color, size, shape and appearance.
Nowadays, we do not respect other people’s body image instead we body shame. I was on my way to school for an afternoon lecture when I walked past these three girls and I heard one of the girls say to one of them “why are you so black” . I had to look back to check who was referred too, it was a young beautiful melanin girl , her face was down, and she couldn’t say a word. I could relate to her countenance. She was the dark one in the midst of two light skinned girls.
I once watched a show of a dark-skinned woman who said when she was seven, she entered a salon to make her hair and one of the women told the other one that why would someone’s daughter be as black as that, and even added that if she were her kid she would soak her in hypo. How could she say that to someone else’s kid. Can we do better by appreciating the dark-skinned instead of asking if they are from Kenya or Ghana?...
Poor body image is often associated with girls, but boys suffer from it, too. They can feel as though they don’t have enough muscles or six-packs abs, or that they aren’t tall enough. The problem is, a “perfect” body doesn’t really exist, at least not in the way it is defined in the media. Photos are often edited to make models thinner or enhance their features. So, chasing the perfect body can end only in disappointment. This leads to poor self-esteem, which can impact all other aspects of life.
When I was in secondary school, anytime I’m going to school I make sure I bleached my face because I was used to hearing “you’re getting darker, tee”. Most of us have heard them say one or two things about us and we are guilty of some other people too. It’s time we stop body shaming and start appreciating people for who they are. Stop calling someone fat, or say they are getting slimmer, nobody wants to hear that. It makes them sad.
Body shaming starts from home, school, peer pressure. I remember in secondary school days, anytime there’s inter-house sport, the queen of the house is always a light-skinned girl. Even while growing up it was always the light-skinned girls who got privileged . Even some guys still prefer light-skinned girls to dark-skinned girls. Even when you watching Nollywood movies, it were the light-skinned girls that will be on the cover.
You are beautiful in your shade. Every shade is beautiful. You’ll be beautiful in your shade, you don’t need to be lighter to look more beautiful. I thank God for the dark skin movement, it has made me embrace my shade. The biggest problem with body image and beauty standards is that we always give people the power to tell us how to look, and we listen forgetting that they themselves aren’t perfect. The most important thing is that you look perfect for you not for anybody.
Yours might not be skin color, it could be shape, or structure but one thing I want you to know is, always stand up for yourself because people will keep talking, and the moment you keep quiet, you start hating yourself for not looking like them. Appreciate your own body, love yourself and your body, because nobody is going to do that for you. Most pictures you see on Instagram that makes you hate your shape has been filtered more than twenty times. Don’t be intimidated by the things you see on social media. Most celebrities we see on Instagram are not like that physically.
Practice self-love. Appreciate God for how beautiful you were created. Love yourself more than anyone else, and don’t give anyone the opportunity to body shame you.
If you are a lady, carry yourself well and dress properly.
I love you for who you are🥰. Merry Christmas in advance lovers❤️❤️❤️
Patience
Patience is an essential trait for anyone. It is the quality of being able calmly to endure suffering, toil, delay, vexation or the likes. Patience may involve perseverance in the face of delay. If you have patience you are able to stay calm and not get annoyed, for example, when someone takes a long time, or when someone is not doing what you want them to do.
One of my flaws is impatience. I don’t have the ability to endure difficult circumstances, I don’t have the ability to wait or endure without complaint. If there is one thing I want to change about myself, it is the impatience.
In 2017, I failed my nursing exam. I was in the run to get another form from another school. My parents said I should wait till the following year and take JAMB( which is an exam you take before you gain admission into any university). I couldn’t wait till the following year. I was so sad that my mates were already getting admission, forgetting that some were still at home learning some trade, but I was concerned about those who were entering the university. I took the exam without anyone's consent and still didn’t meet the cutoff. That year was really a bad year for me. Immediately the results were out, I rolled on the bare floor outside the compound calling myself a failure. There was no one there to console me. If I had been given a hug by my mom it would have eased the pain I was feeling inside of me, but because I did my wish, nobody was there to console me. If I were to be patient enough, I could have prepared way better. I had 45% and the cut off was just 50%. If it was my time, I believed I wouldn’t have gotten that exact mark but I wasn’t patient, and I wanted everything to go in my own way.
I waited for the following year, I passed my JAMB and got admission to the best state university as at now, and I’m studying Agricultural Economics. Could I have said Nursing wasn’t my way, I was just pushing it? I think the future will tell.
We should learn to be patient. You should know you can’t run faster than your time. Whatever you going through now, someday you gonna look back and be proud of yourself. Impatience will only put you in positions you don’t like. Yeah, you may get what you could have waited for in a minute but it never going to be worth it until you wait for it.
We all have so many things we’d lost due to impatience. There was a time I was into Oriflame (it’s a company that deals with all sorts of skin care products, deodorants and all), I quitted because I wasn’t patient enough, I didn’t want something that deals with referrals because I’m a shy person and I could hardly look into anyone's eyes. Today, a friend who I introduced into the business is a 15% manager and aside getting paid by the company, she goes on vacation. We’ve lost so many opportunities due to impatience. We can’t wait for something because it’s going to delay.
We need to know that whatever is worth waiting for is worth it. Are you looking for admission, are you looking up to God for the fruit of the womb, are you in search of a job, are you in search of a spouse, please be patient. I just want to tell you that God hasn’t forgotten you. It’s not easy but try and wait, it’s worth waiting.
I will be sharing the tips that have helped me so far:
1) Practice mindfulness
2) practice accepting your current circumstances.
3) Actively build a tolerance for being a bit comfortable: let other people go ahead of you in line or in traffic.
4) when you’re feeling rushed, consciously slow down.
I hope this article helps someone. Merry Christmas in advance lovers🥰.
Talents
Right from childhood I have learnt that each and everyone of us got talent(s) but am I the only one who hasn’t figured hers out yet?
There was a day I was in the living room with my dad watching television, and immediately after the program we were watching ended, they started playing a music video. I noticed the song was quite good and the video was fascinating as well, but I asked myself why has he not blown (famous) yet.
I said to my dad, why is it that nobody ever notices the less privileged talent? Well, he said the poor doesn’t want to get noticed because he is chasing what to put in his stomach and not thinking about talent.
I have never met any single person who doesn’t have any gift but, I’ve met loads of people who wonder if they even just have one just like myself. When we hear gifts or talents we think it is about those who can sing or dance or draw. Just like Marie Forleo said we should consider gifts as strengths. There is no one that would say they don’t have strength. We all have strength that we aren’t even aware of. Every single person is born with a unique set of strength.
Strength is something that comes very naturally to you. It’s something that when you do it, you feel stronger.
I used to say I don’t have a creative bone in my body, my older sister was the artist in the family and I envied her a lot. I struggled with finding my gifts when I was younger... but I’m happy to say my strengths are: Curiosity, I will always ask such unique and insightful questions.
The other one is positivity- I uplift everyone around me effortlessly, and I hope someday I am going to be a tv host so I can empower youths.
I think singing, dancing and all sorts we see on social media today aren’t the only talents known. Are you a great learner? Are you a great writer? Do you have strong sense of empathy? Do you thrive on competition? Do you have a knack of imagining the future and getting people excited about it? Do you help others love their lives? Do you have communication strength? These are great gifts and if people don’t appreciate it now, trust me it’s going to take you places. You don’t need to be like Wizkid or Burnaboy before you know you’ve got great strengths in you.
I once dated a guy who gave a listening ear to me. Whenever I’m down or I needed someone to talk to, he was always there. After, the breakup I discovered I didn’t find it in other guys I dated. If you’re someone like that, it’s a gift. Not everyone is willing to hear some else’s complaints and ready to put them through even when he or she got her own baggage too. You don’t need to be the best artist in the world or best dancer but please make use of your gifts, keep using it.
I started to surf the internet one afternoon on the best way you can discover your talents, this is what I found:
1) Think about what you enjoy. The things that makes happy can also reveal your talents. Think about the things that makes you happy.
2) Evaluate what you are good. Now, there’s a big difference between what you enjoy and what you’re good at. You might think of your talents as only being things that you love doing, but it’s important to remember that your talents are often things you don’t enjoy or things you don’t even think about. Think about things that come naturally to you. Things you don’t struggle at.
3) Ask around. Having an outside perspective, other people may find it easier to see what you are good at. Ask around and people will usually be happy to tell you what they see as your strengths.
4) Open up time for new things. Your life needs to have room for discovering your talents! Your talents will often lie in the activities that you’ve not tried yet and if you don’t make time for those things, then you’ll never expand beyond what you are now.
It is never too late to discover your talents but have it in mind that you and I were born with special gifts in us.
To my awesome readers, how did you discover what your gifts are? Let’s discuss in the comment session. I hope y’all are having a great day? 🥰
Believe
It is important to know that without Faith, the relief from that fear will never end. We have twelve days left for this year to finally come to an end. I know most of us are happy, some grieving, some with worries, everyone with one or two things running through their minds.
I am not left out too. Just last night, I wrote down a note on my cell phone which says “WHY ARE MY PRAYERS NOT ANSWERED YET”. After writing that note, I said a short prayer and I slept. I woke up this morning feeling so good and relieved.
We all go through somethings silently, things we can’t tell anyone closest to us, but we keep the burden at heart, trusting God for a miracle overnight, but then you wake up feeling the same way, that same illness or baggage Is still there but I want you to still believe that miracle still happen. I want you to believe he’s going to do it.
On 31st of December, we all going to church for a cross-over night and we have new prayer points for the coming year but then you feel, what about the ones I prayed last year, I haven’t even gotten a response to it?. My dear, please still pray, the response is still going to come when you least expected. Miracles happen everyday, don’t stop praying!
We all have baggages we pull individually, I’m no angel myself but what I learnt from my mom is never to stop praying and believing he’s going to do it.
Being alive alone is a testimony. Once, there’s life there’s hope. You should thank God for the breath you have, you wake up every day and you could carry your arms and legs, you poo comfortably without being carried around and you say he has forsaken you? Oh no! Your prayers are answered, it just hasn’t manifested yet. Keep believing! Keep pushing!. You will be living on your answered prayers someday, that promotion you want, you’re getting it someday and that financial rest your parents didn’t get at 60, you’ll get it at whatever age you’re praying for and your story is gonna change, just don’t stop believing.
**How to believe in God**:
1) Having Faith: You’ll find that believing is not by material means but by personal development of spiritual faith, He can be measured by intangible things, like acknowledging his presence, our beliefs, plus our ways and actions.
2) stop trying to control everything: knowing that you are not in control of everything can be empowering. Once we accept that we cannot control everything, we learn to accept things we can control.
3) learning about God: Go to places of worship. Try attending a Jewish, Muslim or Christian service. Listen to the word that the minister, Imam or Pastor is saying and try relating it to your life.
4) Pray and acknowledge God in all you say and do. You may have tough decision ahead of you, try praying for guidance. See what choice you make and observe the outcome. Though things may not end up how you plan, think of this as another opportunity to pray.
5) Don’t think of bad outcome as a result of God not listening or being present, but of his answering your prayer in a way you haven’t considered yet.
In conclusion, I hope we all keep believing and try surrendering your battles to God. You can’t do it all alone, keep believing there’s a supreme one who has the power to turn your sadness to happiness.
It’s a season of love, do good deeds. Try extending your charitable acts to everyday life. Volunteering is both unselfish and generous, but don’t overlook the good things.
Endeavor to be happy throughout the remaining days of the year. It’s time to let go of that anger, that hatred you’ve held for years, it’s time to let go of everything and choose happiness. Create your own happiness. Do whatever makes you happy and stay away from violence.
keep believing! God loves you.
@Soulwriter
