Family conflicts provide "strength."
What draws one family together or divides them is a narrative in and of itself. Because we are Mexican, the only thing we know is family. We feel each other's suffering and celebrate one other's triumphs. We grow and learn from one another. Even in the darkest of times, we are able to persevere as one. I was there during the sad times, but I also saw the good, and I grew into the person I am now as a result of it all.
An obstacle I had to overcome as a child still haunts me today. It was via my mother's side of the family that I was born into a Mexican-American culture. While they had been in the country for a long time, my parents had difficulty adapting to the American way of life. For the first time in my life, I didn't know anything but Spanish. On those days when nothing else was going on around me, I would listen to the strange sounds that began to creep into my ears and then sent waves of disorientation racing through my brain. I spent every day trying to solve this problem word by word until the day arrived when I was sent to school, where I was expected to know English. My first year of school was the most difficult of my life. I found it quite difficult. I was the last one to know my home location and phone number, and I was the one who came close to failing his first year of high school. In the absence of my father's intervention, I would have been a very different person. Throughout my elementary school years, I was unable to succeed. In fourth grade, I went to resource for help with assignments. After receiving a major boost, I've begun to suspect that I'm not the only one in need. I'll be there to lend a helpful hand when others need it.
My family has faced several challenges over the years. I witnessed my sixteen-year-old brother stumble and collapse when he became pregnant with his girlfriend's child. He became a father-to-be and a spouse in the blink of an eye. The wheels fell off the bus and he had to step in to help someone else. He worked at night and went to school during the day to complete his high school education. Even at home, he had a hard time. One more example from my own family: my sister was expecting her first child in the middle of her final year of high school. I was in the next room crying in sorrow when she broke the news to my parents because she had fallen into the same trap as my brother. For her, that was the final straw. She graduated from high school and began her career. Now that she's a mother of two, she's scrambling to make ends meet. Watching the people you care about make errors may be heartbreaking. Knowing that you want you could say "all will be fine" is so difficult that it brings tears to my eyes. As a result, I'm working hard to secure the future that they will never have.
My mother had been through a lot as a child. In her adolescent years, she began to lose her hearing. The capacity to hear in her right ear was gone completely, but her ability to hear in her left ear was only half restored. 4 out of 5 senses and an unspoken tongue were all she had while residing in the United States. Some might think she'd never be able to have children after such a setback, yet she did. It is impossible for me to express how grateful I am to her and how proud I am of what she has accomplished. As a result of her "disability," I was under a lot of stress. She couldn't make it to the deli or make phone calls when she needed to, which was a major inconvenience for her. Suddenly, I was responsible for everything. Our family relied on my father's hard work to keep us afloat. Does being the personal translator for my mum sound like a bad deal? Walking into a store and doing hand jesters, mouthing out words, or even yelling will get you noticed. I'd get goosebumps all over, a rush of heat from head to toe, and a skin tone seven shades darker than a ripe tomato during those moments. How could I feel this shame and embarrassment? The pain and embarrassment had begun to lessen, and a whole other feeling had begun to emerge: pride. My mum gave me the strength I needed to succeed. The man I am today is largely thanks to her. Many nights I lay in bed crying because of the heavy load that was placed on her, as well as because of the enormous lesson that I had to learn. Regardless of how minor these events may seem to others, they have meant the world to me since I have internalized every sound, rhythm, and photon that has passed through my body. In my veins and heart, all of these things are happening at the same same time. I am the rarest of passions. My life is a living memoir of adversity.
