Perhaps one of the worst things that could ever happen to you is knowing that other people have finally moved on with their lives without you while you are still stuck with the pain and in the black hole called memories.
Let's face it. Hearing other people say "Get over it because I already did" feels like being stabbed with a hundred shards of glass in the chest. It is painful and insensitive. Even just staring at their pictures and stalking them on social media drive the logical part in you away, hence in the end, all that you could do is cry while hearing the dial tone on the background, or seeing your fingertips typing some pathetic long message thinking that your persistence will drive them back to you.
It's so sad. You feel like you are already losing yourself because of holding on to the memories, and it's even sadder when you realize they have already unloved you that easily while here you are, still picking the pieces of your broken heart and trying to give warmth to that cold empty hole you feel inside your stomach.
Little by little, your sadness and guilt fill you especially in the middle of the night. And you weep again until it's morning. You'll start to convince yourself that maybe after crying buckets of tears, you'll feel better.
To be honest, you'll never get better. I'm telling you that because when you see them again, you'll be back to square one. All those little improvements will come crashing in front of you. And there you go again. You go back to being that pathetic and broken soul that you were yesterday. Do you see it now? When you're back at square one, it's like playing Super Mario and being crashed by some stupid enemy on the game. One wrong move and you will shrink and become so weak. You'll be sent back to the beginning.
"Moving on" is not an overnight process. There is pain embedded in every step you take. It is not something that goes away after shedding a pool of tears. Sure, the pain in your chest will ease a little but the wounds inside your soul will continue to get worse. It will, later on, be infected with a vile character called bitterness. But, there is a good news; it's not forever; there's healing if only you know what to do.
There is no perfect formula for it, but the steps that you will choose to make after the breakup are essential. You have to take a step so that you could go further.
Things You Should Do After the Breakup
Assuming that your situation has come to the point where closure has already been established, then these tips are for you. (If you missed that little 'c' dude right here, then stop reading. Go get your closure, you both deserve it.)
STOP STALKING YOUR EX. I mean it. I know most of you love to do this because why not? You just can't help it and I understand that. But, I'm telling you now that it is not healthy. Stop putting salt to the wounds honey, it hurts. Be decent enough to give yourself a break.
STOP LOOKING AT YOUR PHOTOS TOGETHER. This brings so many memories that is why I'm telling you right now that it's not healthy either. It's entirely up to you whether you delete them all but looking at them from time to time will just repeat the process. This also applies to the gifts you received from your ex. It's either you get rid of them or hide them but stop putting too much emotional attachment into them. It's just not worth it.
GET RID OF THE ANGER AND OTHER EMOTIONAL BARRIERS. Anger, hatred, and frustration are three deadly emotions that you shouldn't harbour in your heart and brain. They will eat you little by little.
TAKE TIME TO ENJOY THE THINGS YOU WERE NOT ABLE TO DO WHEN YOU WERE STILL TOGETHER. In short, explore and enjoy. You are single now which means you already have the time for yourself. It's 'me time' so do not miss the opportunity to go out and discover yourself and the things you can do. Pursue a hobby, go travel, go out with friends, spend time with your family, and most importantly, pamper yourself. You deserve it more than you think you should.
DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX. Unless you are emotionally ready, just avoid any circumstance that might require you to talk about them. When you're in an unstable emotional state, there is a big possibility that you will talk about the bad things that happened between the two of you, hence forgetting the fact that during your relationship, good things also happened. It is not good to talk ill of your ex-lover. It will speak so much of your character.
ACCEPT THAT IT IS OVER. Yes, it hurts and it's hard but it is the only ticket for you to move on easily. Stop crying over spilt milk. Again, it is not worth it.
I will remind you now that no matter how many times you kept crashing back, do not stop. Everything happens for a reason. You just have to accept it no matter how painful the situation is. In the end, you will thank yourself for letting go, and you will not hate them for not choosing you, for not staying with you, or for not giving you a chance. You will have nothing but lessons and a stronger personality. Someday, when the world is ready for you and for the love that you can give, you will find the one.
And trust me on this, this time, it will be worth it.
