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Lady got drunk and pooped on what she thought was her boyfriends porch.

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8 months ago

So, I’m a news stringer in San Diego. I found out about this website today while browsing Reddit. And I’ve never written a blog or anything of the sort so don’t expect good grammar. I figured it would be cool to document some of the crazy events I respond to.

last night there was a call on the radio of an active home robbery. The RP (Reporting Party) called 911 saying someone was trying to break into their house. They were pounding at the door trying to kick it down.

I got there about 3 minutes before the police did. In those 3 minutes I realized it wasn’t a burglary but just a very drunk and confused lady. She was so drunk that she believed she was at her boyfriends house in another city. She was screaming about how he doesn’t satisfy her sexually because he won’t finish inside of her. Yelling at the top of her lungs all kinds of ways that “BJ” falls short and how “Cory” is better. After her rant of being I satisfied she proceeded to dedicate “all over the porch” in her words. She was narrating every move she made, still yelling as loud as she could. She told the whole neighborhood how bad it smaller and how she “got it everywhere, even on the walls”.

This is about when the police showed up when they arrived she was naked from the waist down and pounding on the door. The police still had the bad info of a burglary in progress so they reacted by running up to stop her. The first cop realized the situation almost immediately upon reaching the top step of the porch. Unfortunately for him it was after he stepped in her poop. As he slipped on her feces she realize the police were after her and tried to hide behind a potted plant next to the door. The police realizing the situation tried to de-escalate at this point.

After about 10 minutes of her rambling about how much of an A-hole BJ is, the police were able to handcuff her with out much resistance. Medics came and evaluated her, covered her and the stretcher with tons of medical sheets, and hauled her away for a mental health evaluation. The sergeant said that they could not take her to jail in her current state but most likely she would be charged with drunk in public on a later date.

Although the elderly couple who lived at the house were a bit shaken up, nobody was hurt. At least one cop, the old lady’s porch, and the drunk lady got covered in poop. I hope she gets the help she needs and I hope BJ learns some new tricks to make her happy.

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