"Hey you... get off my ride!"
Arrgh.. my head! Whats with all the shouting? No way, did I pass out again? What the hell is the matter with me? I used to go fine on all of these rides. For some reason, at this particular carnival, things aren't going as well as they usually do. To stop the Carny from yelling at me and to go and wash the fresh slather of vomit from my jumper, I quickly exit the ride. I've still got heaps of cupons to go and I haven't given up yet. It's time for the next exciting, life threatening, spine tingling thrill ride.. The Ghost Train.
Oh yeah.. real scary! I could go on one of these things with my eyes closed. The exterior of the ride looks just like any other Ghost train that I've ever seen. Random splashes of red paint everywhere, tired old references to 80s horror and the looped sound effects of witches cackling, chainsaws, various screams - oh how I love these things! I hand my ticket over to the ride attendant. This guy is dressed like a Zombie Bellhop or something, only slighty more convincing than that cheap ass Alien from the UFO ride. When I'm done judging the poor guy, I take a seat in the next available car. The cars on this particular Ghost train happen to resemble something that you would expect to see in a mine shaft, except for the comfy seats. A girl sits down beside me - apparently I wont be alone on this ride. She looks alright I guess - long brunette pigtails, glasses, not a bad body and probably the friendliest face I've seen all night. She smiles at me politely before focusing on whats infront of her. I don't mind. Afterall, I'm not here to pickup, I'm here to have fun. The car jerks forward without warning and we are on our way.
As per usual, the train car bashes through the first door, which leads onto another door which rolls on down through a hallway. I couldn't even tell you what the design was on either door - wasn't even really paying any attention. These things don't normally scare me anyway, I'm just here for a few laughs and to abuse that guy who grabs you on the shoulder before the car exits the ride. I love doing that! Ahh, now its getting interesting. Random skeletons fall from the ceiling, robotic dummies depict scenes of graphic violence and the cart bashes through more doors. Nothing overly frightening so far - I'm more amused by the girl sitting next to me screaming.
"Hey, whats the matter.. haven't you been on a Ghost train before?" The girl looks at me with terror in her eyes as she shakes her head from side to side.
"Don't worry, it's all fake.. its fun. Just relax and enjoy the ride."
We're coming up to another door and then bam! The car comes to a sudden halt up against a door that failed to swing open. Is this some kind of malfunction or is it all apart of the ride? I sit and wait several moments for something to happen while the girl along side me seems to shiver in fear. Poor thing, I don't even know what shes doing on this ride.
"Hey... hello..," I start to call out. "I think your rides busted." There's no answer, just the annoying looped audio from before. I grow impatient and decide to leave my seat in an attempt to notify a Carny of their ride issues. The moment after I stand, a loud voice booms over the speakers.
"SIT DOWN." I hurridly do just that. No sooner had I sat back down, I could hear the sounds of gears grinding and old machinery starting to move. I can also hear the sound of that girl, slumped over, crying in the seat next to me - cry baby. The cart jerks forwards once more, bashing through the doorway and down a ramp. Hey.. wait a minute. From the outside, this thing only had one level and we were already at ground level. We seem to be heading underground now. The cart picks up speed as it continues down to an old mine shaft. The girl has completely lost her marbles now and she is screaming uncontrollably. Although it is dark, gloomy and almost impossible to see inside the tunnel, I can smell something. Something sweet.. almost like bbq pork chops. What an odd place to smell something so aluring. Theres a light on up ahead. It glows in the distance and seems to flicker like a camp fire. As the car comes closer to the light, I'm sure that I can smell bbq pork. Where the heck are we?
We emerge from the darkness into a large, well lit room that resembles a factory floor of some kind. The car reduces its speed to no more than a walking pace. There are huge wooden storage crates, industrial sized furnaces, large conveyer belts and shimmering steel work benches. Hey, I've seen those sort of benches before... they're the kind of benches that you prepare food ontop of. So just what is it that they prepare in a place like this? What's that dripping on my head from above? Oh dear God! I get the answers to a number of my questions when I look up above my head to see bodies strung up on meathooks. We're in a secret underground meat processing plant. At least the girl has shut up about it. Oh no wait.. shes just completely paralized with fear and has started to go white in the face. Shaddows brought on by the blazing furnaces seem to dance along the crumbling brick walls of the meat factory. The car stops once more as it reaches what would seem to be the end of the line (in more ways than one I can imagine).
Suddenly, the car lurches forward, tilting at a 90 degree angle and tossing us both out. Splat Splat! We both land in a shallow pit, filled to the brim with fresh dead bodies. I turn to look at the girl. She's started screaming again.. and with good cause. As well as the constant, almost calming crackle sound of the furnace flames, I can also hear someone laughing. Not like the recorded ones from before. This one was real, evil, maniacal almost. Wait a minute, who the Hell is that guy and what the Hell is he wearing. There was this stringy looking old man wearing what appeared to be a lute suit, standing over the helplessly paralized girl in the pit. He stood there and chuckled for a while as he watched the girl wriggle amongst the pile of bodies. He reached down and snatched the girl by one of her pigtails, ripped her from the corpse pile and began to drag her accross the floor. I wanted to go help her but the bodies were slippery and hard to climb over. While clamoring over the heaped bodies, I could see that the guy in the lute suit had thown the girl up onto a prep bench. With one hand he held her in place and with the other, he seemed to be trying to find something stored underneath the bench. If I'm going to save this girl, now's my chance. I finally reach the edge lf the pit, pull myself to my feet and start to run.. but its too late. I hear a scream, followed by that metalic "shing" sound, followed by the sounds of tearing flesh. I stand there stunned for a moment as I watch the guy in the lute suit, butcher the girl with an enormous, blunt, rusty blade. This guy must really love his work because he hasn't stopped laughing since he made his presence known. I can't save the girl, but I can at least save my own ass. I turn away and start running. I don't know where to go but I'm not staying here. Soon after, the laughing stops. Soon after that, I can hear that "shing" sound again and soon after that, I stop running. What is that horrible pain in my back and chest. I look down through blurred vision to see the sharp end of the giant blade, pearcing its way straight through me. My last thought before falling to the ground - man, that's impressive. I mean, credit where credit is due. That guy really knows how to throw a knife!
