The Realizations of A Very Dependent Girl

They say "No man is an island." We cannot live on our own. We needed someone in our lives. Someone to depend on. It can be our family, wife, husband, our children or a friend.

Here in the Phililppines, we grew up to be an extended family. Most of us are still living in one roof with their parents even they got married and with children. This is due to financial reasons that we cannot support the shelter and food for our own family.

It has been 4 decades of my existence and I grew up with my parents. Since birth, I was never separated from my family. Even now that I have a child, I still live with my parents. I have not experienced living alone or living away with them.

My Realizations

When my mom passed away, I realized a lot. There are times I felt alone though my father and siblings wre there. I felt alone because no one understands my pain. It is hard when you lose someone you greatly depend on.

I cannot tell to my family how hard I am feeling even right now Maybe they thought I am tough that they don't see me cry. Before, it was always my mother whom I confide to in any problems that is why it is hard.

I grew up to be depending on my mother a lot. It may seemed bad but that is how I grew up. My mother washes our clothes. She also cooks for us. I never learned to cook. I always demanded on the foods she cooked. If I don't like it, she will cook what I wanted.

I learned washing the clothes when I have a son. I noticed that there were lots of clothes in the kitchen. It was mostly my sons clothes. So I tried washing it. My mother noticed that there were still dirt and stains on the clothes until she taught me how. Since then, I tried washing our clothes but if I have time only.

I think I adopted my mothers traits. How strict she us inside the house. She doesn't want us to be noisy when my nieces and nephews are here. At night, she want them all to be in their own houses so that it will be quiet. She does not want us to spend money whenever we order online.

Even we are too old, she still texts or calls us when we go home late. She still scolds us like we are young. She still controls us in other matters. Sometimes it's annoying when she controls us but now I am missing it.

Now, since I don't know how to cook, I need to eat whatever they served at home. My father usually cooked or my sister. There are times I don't want the food but I still eat it since I cannot cook for myself. It may sounds funny but I felt pity for myself because I cannot eat what I wanted. I can ask my sister what I want to eat but if she is in their house already, I will just eat anything.

I also noticed now that there were many clothes in the kitchen. Now, my brother is the one who washes our clothes most of the time by using washing machine. But since he is working, he only washes the clothes during his restdays. So I tried washing our clothes but by hand washing since I don't know how to use the washing machine. I realized how hard it is to wash the clothes everyday that my mother does.

I also noticed how my fathers mood changes. Before, it was mostly my mother who decides at home especially with the budget. She is the one who gets moody because if her decision was not followed, she got angry. Now that my father is the one responsible to us, he is the one who gets moody now. But I understand him.

Whenever I want to buy something, I still ask for my mothers decision before. If there are problems, I want her to know it first. It's not just depending but also trusting her.

My Final Say

I depend much on my family rather than being independent. I want to learn how to cook so I can also help in the family. When you are dependemt, you cannot decide for yourself. You always ask for others advise.

That's what I am now. I cannot stand on my own. Even my mom is gone, I still ask for my sisters decision or my family's decision. It was so hard but I am trying to be independent one at a time. I also need to teach my son to be independent as he grows up.

All of us have issues in life but we can all resolve it. As long as we live, we can still survive.

Thank you CryptoMax and immaryandmerry for the sponsorships. I admire your trust in me.

Happy reading everyone!!