In our increasingly mobile and connected world, we have opportunities to meet and learn from people from all over the world. And with these opportunities come more chances of finding love, sometimes thousands of miles away from home.
Long-distance relationships (LDRs) used to be an anomaly, often happening later in an established couple. One member would have to move for studies, work, or military service, and the relationship had to adapt to this change. But nowadays, we can fall in love at a distance too—with the internet, it's easier than ever to establish relationships, romantic or otherwise, even before seeing the other person "in real life," or IRL.
[bad iframe src]
What challenges do LDRs have that typical relationships do not? How can people in an LDR ensure the success of their relationship? We will explore these questions in this article.
Particular Challenges of Long-Distance Relationships
Although every romantic relationship has challenges, studies show that long-distance relationships have a set of potential issues that are particular to the geographical distance between the members.1 Challenges may include:
Financial strain related to travel
Negotiating boundaries between local friends and the distance partner
High expectations around face-to-face meetings given how infrequent and short they are
Trouble having a realistic view of the state of the relationship
Having more extreme emotions related to the relationship
Financial strain is an obvious factor that every person in a long-distance relationship has experienced. Whether it's the high fuel costs of driving hundreds of miles, or the time and financial commitment of frequent airplane travel, couples on LDRs need to budget for travel costs just as they would other costs like a mortgage, food, and clothing.
[bad iframe src]
The boundary negotiation is a trickier element to manage. People in long-distance relationships can develop jealousy towards their partner's local friends, often complaining that they spend "too much time" with them. There is also the risk of your partner developing an intimate relationship or falling in love with someone else while you are away. Establishing clear boundaries, being honest, and understanding that people need social interactions face-to-face will go a long in defusing these potential problems.
Expectations vs. Reality
When we spend time with our partner every day, or at least regularly, the interactions contain a lot of mundane, every day things like being sick, doing groceries, cleaning your teeth, or just sitting exhausted in front of the TV. However, in LDRs, the expectations that face-to-face meetings will be magical, full of amazing sex, and romantic often hit the wall of, well, how life actually works. These high expectations can often make partners disappointed and resentful that the time spent together was not "like what they imagined".
It's also very easy to dismiss or ignore growing relationship trouble because of distance. We assign it to stress, to the distance itself, to missing each other, rather than actual behavior of disengagement. It's more difficult to gauge whether our partner is really committed to the relationship because we do not see their behavior on a daily basis.
Finally, research has shown that feelings of excitement, jealousy, love, and anger tend to be more extreme in people in LDRs.2 This means the potential for emotionally-fueled decisions, for unnecessary fights, and for piercing disappointment, as discussed above.