The Rotten Fruit I Am

THE ROTTEN FRUIT I AM

by: Shuu

"I am that rotten fruit that fell from one of the branches of that big old tree.🌳

I am that rotten fruit that constantly looked up to that mighty crown; with shining leaves, and fresh and plump fruits🍊 dangling on that branches whenever the wind decided to pass by.🍃

I am that rotten fruit who always wished to go back up there again and be a part of that tree once more.

But no. There's no salvation.

I am here on the ground, along with the fallen leaves🍂 and other rotten fruits that also fell.

I knew some of them.

Some of them are my called friends.

But they were never with me when I fell as I was never with them.

When the clouds cry🌧 and their tears create muds-

the dirt that slowly swallows me make me want to come back up there once again, even more.

The regret is nauseating.

Just like a rotten fruit that was stepped on and the smell that reeks the air.

I am that rotten fruit. Lonely rotten fruit.

Too lonely that I'd feel happy when ants🐜 pester me and take all the sweet parts that are left in me to their home.

And when the clouds cry again🌧, I'm here, more rotten, with lesser flesh, lonelier than yesterday.

I just hope that the seeds I saved deep inside me will be nourished with this dirt and rainwater.

Because there is no more hope for me to be part of that tree once more.

But maybe, if God allows it - I'd offer these seeds to my grave and produce a sprout.🌱

Because I am that rotten fruit afterall.

There is nothing left to do, but just to stay on the ground."

Hello everyone! I am Shuu (or at least that's what my friends call me), and I am new here so I hope we all could get along!😊 I am 21 years old, and I am a graduating student, taking up Bachelor of Secondary Education, major in English (though I'm still bad 'bout the language, but swear I am constantly learning so please bear with my grammar 🤧).

Enough about me, let's talk about the prose I wrote that you have just read above. I wrote this piece not too long ago actually, and it actually came up while I was taking a bath! As funny as where and how the idea of the prose emerged, I was extremely depressed that time, like I was really drowning in self-hatred that I sometimes hyperventilate alone in my room.

In this piece, I was really trying to portray what I thought about myself using a "rotten fruit" as a symbol. Every line was equipped with the darkest emotions I often feel when I was overthinking and drowning my thoughts with regrets and anxieties.

When I was younger, like when I was 16 to 19, I don't really know how to handle these thoughts. I used to resort to minor and subtle self-harming (sometimes, it comes to extent of really being intentional but at the end I cower and just cancel it). Because I have no one, or rather, I chose not to rely to anyone and just keep everything to myself. So I was suffering by myself, and feel lonely by myself.

But now that I am a little bit older, I gradually realized the importance and bliss of having people (even just a few) that you could share your burdens to. Considering that, although I still hate my self, the thought of having these people somehow gave me hope to just live through it and believe that the day would come that I can finally love my self. That actually explains the few last lines at the bottom part of the prose.

I would really like to talk more about it, but I have things to do at this hour, so maybe next time?

So I would like to know your thoughts and your interpretation about my piece. You could also criticise it and tell me what points should I improve. (I'm still a student anyway, so it would be a great help in learning my secondary language) And I hope I can find friends here! 😊

'Til next time! ❣️