So engulfed in my head a feeling of death,
How far I have fallen into the deep,
All I tried to do was to peep, a little peep into the future.
Now I got my sutures open,
Exposed I am to the harmful world,
With no one to guide my steps.
My legs weight so heavy,
Heavy as a canon ball.
If asked to describe myself,
I would say;
" I am an improper fraction "
I have no balance.
A journey I took beyond my understanding,
A lost cause I am.
Wandering about in a dark forest,
Trying to look for a place to rest,
Like a bird building it's best.
Now I dwell with uncertainty,
What sort of a journey is this?
Of course a lost one.
An empty entity I have made of myself,
Will I grow out of it one day?
But this is the COURSE I chose.
Should I seek for justification?
For I never did chose it willingly.
No excuses for the unwise, they say.
But I pray this folly never come to stay,
Now I am a COURSE to be studied,
Not only by my younger ones, but even the old,
I am now a lesson to be taught,
To the foolish and the wise,
That they may rise beyond the world's standard.
"Hit hard ", I would say to them,
" Point at the aim " I would say to them,
For I have seen men being taught from my lessons,
Yet they drop like a fallen tree,
I have seen more than the number three,
They fall so fast without gravity, free.
So many lost journeys,
So many lost COURSES.
So many they are, so many they are,
It is so painful when you give advice.
and yet people get to loose focus.
They so get lost deep into the dark like a blind man riding on a blind horse.
I was like a sacrifice to be made that they may not be touched and today my sacrifice was already forgotten,
What a great lost COURSE I am.
A JOURNEY to the land of misery,
Now even my life is a mystery to me, I can not comprehend.
Where are the saviours of men, saviours with courage and strength and boldness,
Where are they, where are they?
The words I say as tears run down my soar cheeks.
I pray for you to hear me but I always ask myself;
Do they even have ears at all?
Of all questions I do ask, my surroundings is always quiet, with no one to answer me.
Who have I offended to be treated this way, yet another question that got no answer.
A disgraceful journey I took, with shame I couldn't give a single report about it.
A disappointment to my abilities and my knowledge.
For I have come of age but only little pages of life experience I have,
A fruitless tree I turned out to be,
I imagine what would be done to a bee that can not produce honey.
Of course it will be cast out of its own clan.
A day I pray not to come, to be thrown out of the human race,
A race everyday I put in my best to be the first but end up being the last.
I wish I can say it's my past, but life hits so fast that I even get to loose count of my loses not to talk of my winnings.
All I do is to look at others winning and wish to be them.
A very lost COURSE I AM,
Going through a LOST JOURNEY.
What a path I took.