Can I marry in love?

In the last century, the most frequently asked question for Muftis was, ‘Can I marry in love?’ However, with the passage of time, our question has also improved a lot. Now we don't just go to the question of marriage, we ask, 'Can we make love?'

After writing some harsh words about love among Islamists last time, a brother told me on Facebook, ‘He has promised that he will not fall in love and marry‘ family choice ’. Because that is the only Islamic way. "

I did not feel very happy to hear his promise. Who told you not to love anyone before marriage. Why should Allah forbid what He has not forbidden for you? I am not a jurist or a mufti, so I cannot give a solution as to what is permissible or not. However, when I read about it, I saw that the real situation is just the opposite of what we are thinking. This misconception is working inside us because we are measuring love and relationship on the same scale.

Like that brother, I had the idea before that marriage should be just a 'family choice'. With some nineteen or twenty, the situation is such that after the boy finishes his studies and gets a job by burning a lot of wood, the parents realize that the boy needs to get married. The great sacrifice of finding a bride begins. After getting the bride, the parents asked the boy, "I have got such a girl, what do you think?" The shy boy answers shyly, ‘You are a good man, you do what you understand best.’ When asked, the girl gives a gift. Like you, like me. 'Eventually all the aunts and uncles were satisfied and they got married. However, the mutual preference of the two families is more important in the marriage than their choice.

I'm not saying it's not Islamic or it's not right, but what is the best way? Let us first see what Allah (SWT) has said in the Qur'an. In verse 3 of Surah An-Nisa ', he said:

فَانككِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِنّ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَى وَثُلاَثَ وَرُبَاعَ ، فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أِلَأا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً

“Marry two, three, or four of the girls you like. And if you fear that you will not be able to maintain a just demeanor among them, then there is only one. ” [3: 3]

Notice, Allah (SWT) tells us to marry the women we like. The Mariful Quran says, "Whom you like" and Hafez Munir's brother translates, "Whom you love." Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala has given priority to our choice. I saw Tafsir Ibn Kathir, Mariful Quran and Tafheem to understand its explanation. No one provided an ambiguous explanation with the original word. This has also been mentioned in numerous hadiths of Sihah Sitta.

Anas (R) narrated a similar incident [1], once a woman named Layla bint Qays ibn Khatim appeared in the service of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and proposed marriage to him. Hearing this, the daughter of Anas (R) who was next to him said,

‘Ma kana a’kalla ha’ha’

‘How shameless the girl was’

Anas (R) said to him, ‘He was much better than you. She was attracted to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and offered herself to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) for marriage. '

For this the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not rebuke Layla bint Qays in any way; He remains silent. Later, when one of the Companions was interested in marrying her, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave her in marriage. When the husband of Khansa bint Khidam (R) was martyred in the battle of Uhud, his father gave her in marriage to a man. [2] Then Hazrat Khansa (R) came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said,

‘My father married me; But I prefer my child's uncle. '

Notice his words. After her marriage, she came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him that she would prefer her child's uncle as her husband. What happened next was that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) dissolved her marriage.

Another such incident is found in the case of Mughirah Ibn Shubar (may Allah be pleased with him). [3] But despite being a first-class companion of Ibn Umar, the girl did not agree to the marriage because she liked Mughira Ibn Shuba (ra) and she wanted Mughira Ibn Shuba (may Allah be pleased with her) to marry her. Eventually her uncle broke up the marriage and married her to Mughira.

There are many more such incidents in Sahih Hadith. I have not found any example in the age of Islam that you cannot love someone before marriage. Even if you have an arranged marriage, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised,

"Go and see him first, for it will help you to find love and harmony between you." (4)

It is natural that you will be attracted to any Muslim, because it is your Fitrat. In Surah Ar-Rum, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

وَمِن آيَاتِهِ َْنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِنْ َْنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيَاهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَ‌

And among His Signs is that He has created for you mates from among yourselves that you may find comfort in them, and He has created in you love and mercy. (30:21)

You may like the deen, character of any Muslimah sister. But there is a limit to this love. If you want to get him, make him your own forever; Not for two months or two years. The principle of Islam is to like someone,

‘Ijha atakum man tardaona dinahu wa aqlahu fankihu’hu’ (Tirmidhi)

"When you find a boy or a girl for marriage whose decent character and wisdom you like, then establish a marriage relationship with him."

Again the guardians are being told,

“If someone comes to you (with a message of marriage) - whose character and piety are satisfactory, then marry him (your daughter). If you don't do that, there will be a great upheaval and disaster in the world. ” [Tirmidhi]

This is what has pulled the curtain on the illegal relationship. You can like someone but not have a relationship with them. The matter becomes clear after reviewing the hadiths regarding marriage proposal. You can't just go and tell someone you like, 'I love you'. You need to contact the sister's guardian and propose marriage.

وَأَنكِحُوا الْأَيَامَىٰ مِنكُمْ

And marry those among you who are single (24:32).

And if there is any problem in getting married then Allah says-

وَلَيَسْتَعْفِفِ الَّذِينَ لَا يَجِدُونَ نِكَاحًا حَتَّى يُغْنِيَهُمُ اللَّـهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ

Those who are unable to get married, let them exercise restraint until Allah, out of His bounty, frees them from want (24:33).

However, it is not said that one can afford a job worth thirty thousand rupees and not have a flat because in that Surah Rabbul Alamin said-

يِن يَكُونُوا فُقَرَ‌اءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّـهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ

If they are poor, God will enrich them of His bounty. GOD is Bounteous, Omniscient. (24:32)

There is no chance of any kind of love or relationship before marriage. And all of us who are unmarried should seek tawfiq of the best wealth in the world by prostrating in the way prescribed by Allah.

Our Lord, have mercy on us from our marriage, and from our adoration, read our eyes, and make us for the pious Imams.

Our Lord, grant us comfort from our wives and our children, and make us a model for those who guard (against evil). (25:64)

Reference:

[1] In another narration from Sahl Ibn Saad (R) this incident has come in Sahih Bukhari. Hadith No. 8, Volume 7008 and 8038.

[2] Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Nos. 6054 and 6053; Hadith of Abu Dawood, 3rd volume, 2096.

[3] Ibn Majah, Volume 2, Hadith No. 18.

[4] Ibn Majah, Volume 2, Hadith No. 165.

Written by Sajid Karim