I have come to realize I am someone who needs to express what I feel. I physically feel the affects of keeping things inside me that are hurtful, make me sad. I've read that it is a trait of being an empath. I've also read up on empaths and think YUP, that's me.
I've also found I can't express things to people without them looking at what I'm saying without ME goggles on. I understand. It is natural to look at things from your perspective and harder for some then others to see it from someone else's side.
But it also negates adult conversations.
I've tried in the past to let someone know they hurt me, only to be met with silence. I even understand that person is not one to express things, avoids conflict, but for me that hurt is still there. And every little thing bounces on it. I try very hard to not look at things that take place in our relationship without that "hurt" pulling my perspective. But it's friggin hard. Because it's open....always. Unresolved in my mind because I'm one that needs an answer. It's who I am. But that's not who they are. So there it sits.
Then I think about how a POC must feel. Their life is just one unresolved issue everyday. EVERYDAY. There is always the underlying issue of how someone looks at them....feels about them... based solely on their skin color.
They have to wait until something happens until they know where peoples thoughts lie.
If they are looking at them as a person, or a lesser person.
How mentally exhausting. How impossible it would be for me to not have a "chip on my shoulder" if I were black. To not react angrily when ONE MORE person is treated differently just based on color of skin.
