“Then and Now: How a Working Single Mother Shaped Her Chinese American Daughter's Persona”

Around the turn of the century, my family and I lived in a four-room apartment in the heart of Beijing. It was considered a luxury to have a staircase in a house because it was supposed to be a sign of wealth and ostentation. I had a basic existence. My mother's presence and absence were the only factors that differentiated my childhood from that of other children.

When she died, my mother was an esteemed chemist and university professor in Beijing. She was a standout among her peers at a young age because of her incredible drive and desire to learn. My mother accomplished more before I was born than most people do in a lifetime. She grew up in northern Mongolia, was one of three students to receive a full scholarship to China's most competitive university, and worked as a government-sponsored chemist in goslar, Germany.

The great triumphs and terrible trials of my mother would not be revealed to me until much later. At five, all I could comprehend was why my mother was never home, why I didn't see her for three months of the summer when I was staying with my grandparents, and why I had to attend a daycare run by a despotic creature who would tell me scary stories to make me weep. Much of what I know about my mother's early life is still a mystery to me, even years after the fact. It's the same now as it was back then: I'm unable to get a comprehensive picture of her smart yet irrational personality because of everyday stressors. Even while they are no longer the concerns of a five-year-old, they are those of an eighteen-year-old teenager.

In the evenings, while she was working late on her projects or studying for exams, I would sit next to her at her desk and sketch pictures, pretending to be her personal assistant. Even though Mom was always busy, there were a few times when I was left alone at home because she had lectures or errands to run, and I sat on the window ledge, waiting for her to return. Despite the lonely days and nights, I have no regrets or anger toward those formative years or my mother's behavior during those times. As a result of all the hardships mom went through to raise me, I am extremely grateful and proud of her. I wouldn't have gained a strong feeling of self-reliance or maturity at such a young age had it not been for my childhood circumstances.

In the spring of 1997, we made our way to the United States. Even though the cultural shift was difficult, it didn't deter my mum in the least. Each and every

As with any previous opportunity in her life, she viewed the move as a learning experience. In spite of her determination and success, my mother was unable to cope with the language barrier and the disparity in societal values that she encountered.

While my mother had to put up with these changes, I was able to adapt swiftly because of my age. As a result of my "Americanization," my mother is bewildered and perplexed by much of what I do. We no longer talk the same way, and we no longer believe in the same things. Her lack of support for my engagement in athletics and her undue concentration on my grades have been both annoying and hurtful to me.. She's had to come to terms with her daughter's transformation from Chinese doll to American adolescent, beginning with my outgoing personality and frequent social gatherings, all the way to my obstinate refusals to comply with any of her long-standing demands.

While our differences and my rapid integration into a new culture have made it difficult for me to maintain my identity, I have never lost sight of what is most important to me. To this day, I carry my mother's perseverance and endurance into every aspect of my life with pride and joy. I have never doubted or second guessed the work ethic and moral code that she instilled in me, from the naive racism of elementary classmates to the nasty jealousy of middle school peers. Her ingenuity has also had a profound impact on me and taught me the value of pursuing possibilities. Throughout my middle and high school years, I worked with Philadelphia Inquirer writers and researched marketing tactics for a start-up company, and each experience taught me something new.

My mentality and character have been shaped by the hardships of my mother and the hardships I encountered in two countries on two continents. At some point in our journeys through life, I hope my mother will be able to fully appreciate my mother's influence on my life and accept and embrace the daughter she has worked so hard to raise. I wish the same for her.