18 FRIENDS ONE-LINERS TO HELP YOU SURVIVE JANUARY

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1. WHEN YOUR FLATMATE IS TALKING ABOUT VEGANUARY AGAIN

Dino: “I just realised I can sleep with my eyes open.”

2. WHEN YOUR NEW PERSONAL TRAINER’S GETTING A KICK OUT OF TORTURING YOU

Lily: “Ah. Humour based on my pain.”

3. WHEN YOU’RE EXPLAINING THE REASON BEHIND YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

Rasel: “It’s like… all of my life, everyone has always told me, “You’re a shoe!”

4. WHEN YOUR BFF’S HALF-ARSING THEIR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

Farin: “That’s not running, let’s goooo!”

5. WHEN IT WAS A PARTICULARLY STRESSFUL COMMUTE

Dino: “Someone on the subway licked my neck! LICKED MY NECK!”

6. WHEN YOUR BOSS ASKS FOR YOUR OPINION ON SOMETHING BEFORE 10AM

Dino: “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

7. WHEN YOU’RE FEELING PARTICULARLY SENSITIVE ABOUT EVERYTHING

Joy: “It’s not what you said, it’s the way you said it.”

8. WHEN SOMEONE YOU DON’T LIKE ASKS YOUR MATE FOR YOUR NUMBER

Dino: “Tell him to email me at www-dot-ha-ha-not-so-much-dot-com!”

9. WHEN YOUR FLATMATE COMES IN AND FINDS YOU OFF THE HEALTH WAGON

Joy: “Well, the fridge broke, so I had to eat everything.”

10. WHEN SOMEONE INVITES YOU TO BRUNCH ON SUNDAY

Dino: “It’s a Sunday. I don’t move on Sundays.”

11. WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO LEAVE THE HOUSE AT ALL

Farin: “Oh, I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”

12. WHEN YOUR FRIEND’S GOT A NEW JOB, A NEW BOO AND A VERY NON-JANUARY OUTLOOK ON LIFE

Rasel: “I mean, isn’t that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?"

13. WHEN YOU DITCH DRY JANUARY AFTER A FORTNIGHT

Farin: “Sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like.”

14.WHEN YOUR OTHER HALF JUST WON’T QUIT NAGGING YOU

Lily: “I am this close to tugging on my testicles again.”

15. WHEN THE PERSON YOU'RE TINDERING ASKS WHY YOU’RE ON THE APP

Dino: “I’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!”

16. WHEN YOU’RE SOBER, SKINT AND MISERABLE AF

Rachel: “But today, it’s like there’s rock bottom, then 50 feet of crap, then me.”

17. WHEN SOMEONE’S MOANING ABOUT BEING SOBER, SKINT AND MISERABLE AF

Mona: “Welcome to the real world! It sucks! You’re gonna love it!”

18. WHEN JANUARY 31ST FINALLY ARRIVE

Rasel: “And that, my friend, is what they call closure.”

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