Ever felt left out?
She was sitting upset in her bed, she was confused and a lot was going on her mind, so she took a pen, her diary and started to write ✍️
Dear diary, it's me again with my weird stories, I know you are the only one who listens and understand me, my feelings, my situations and you never judge me but I wish sometimes you could give me advice you could Also guide me on the situations as well.
Anyway I'm here with another story, another chapter of my life..
See I met a group of friends few months ago, we became friends and then like family or at least I felt that and you know how uncomfortable I am among people, but still I tried so hard to interact with them, to connect with them mentally, but somehow that was not enough as I noticed that they're not putting the same amount of efforts I put to make this relation between us more strong and better, maybe they didn't want me to be a part of them, so I parted My ways and decided to not bother them again, I was not with them but happy for them as they were achieving good things in their lives and shinning like stars. I was praying and I was proud of them.✨
Then suddenly after a long time, one day, I met someone from my group fellows or I should say someone from my ex family haha, she greeted me we talked and then she offered me to join them back I was so happy because she was the one offering to join them, her group, but I remembered all the past memories and I felt confused like what if they make me feel left out again? But I was unable to say no to her so I said yes and joined her and her company again.
But just like I thought it would be, yes dear diary you guessed it right they never accepted me from all their heart, I was not one of them, I never was. I'm not mad at them nor blaming them fully and it's not their fault because they're different, I'm different they've similar goals, hobbies, mindset like they're active they meet, enjoy together, they share things, situations everything, and me? Haha being a semi-introvert and a depressed person I can't catch their energy so I need extra efforts to be with them to make them feel my presence, and I'm doing that already but I need to do more, but is it worth it? If I'm feeling left out with the efforts, with all that I do if they still don't notice, they don't listen, they don't appreciate nor even guide if I'm doing something wrong, should I make extra efforts and attempts just to gain attention of a group who I thought was my family?
I know the answer to this already I don't need your advice on this one dear diary, I don't need to do that, families are not like this, they care for all they keep the balance, families take everyone together, family members check on each other, give helping hands if you're dealing with hard times, they won't ignore you or you won't feel left out in your family, they care, they care extra for those who are weak who need more efforts and love, who are not strong as they are, so it never was my family I guess..
but it's just, my heart still feels connect to them because I thought they were like my family. And I accepted them with all my heart..
A person already working on self-importance and dealing with anxiety should not stay in an environment like this where he feels left out or not good enough.. his/her priority should not be to make the group of individuals happy and satisfied but to make himself or herself happy.
The moto should be
"I deserve love, I'm good enough, I'm important, I deserve happiness and I won't let people hurt me..
But is it that easy to just leave them and not feel bad about it? To forget everything and focus on self-love? If not then why not? Why can't we just choose to be happy instead of making everyone else happy? Why can't we? I've so many questions that you can't answer, it's just sometimes it's hard to handle the pain of such situations. Well that's enough for now I don't have anything else to add I'll just go to my university now and hopefully I would be able to avoid the people there, who don't care about my existence and make me feel like I don't exist because I do, and I'm important. 🖤
26/11/2021
Saira✨
