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 I have resent my unfortunate fate many times when I grew up in a poor family, paternal relatives did not like my mother, because she could not have a son.  She has only one daughter, me, so I seem to have grown from her mother's bitter tears.  When I was a child, my mother used to hug me and cry every night. I quietly nestled against her chest, sharing a little warmth together.  By the time I entered 6th grade, since the day my mother wiped my tears leading me into the school gate, told me that I was an adult, I could do a lot of things on my own later, until she left me, left  In this life, I have not seen her cry again.

 At the age of 17, I took the entrance exam to a university in the above province, the days with registration papers in hand were also the most stressful days.  My aunt and uncle advised my mother to let me go to work, make money early, rent a house and move out, because my uncle's children are about to get married, the house is cramped with not enough room.  My mother is a resigned, weak woman, she has no place to support her husband, how dare she win with them, so she just let it go.  But I know my mother hurts, she blames me for not protecting my home, leaving me at a disadvantage in the middle of my own house.  I looked at the creases in my mother's eyes, at the worn out clothes on her, suddenly feeling bewildered at the dream that I was cherishing.  If I continue to study, she will probably suffer a lot.

 Days of waiting for the results of the exam, I was lost in my resentment in life, resentment towards those cruel, cold people.  ‘Fun’ seems like a very luxurious concept, no matter how hard I try to find it.  Many times, walking through a small dark alley by myself, I wish I could disappear into that dark, smoking shadow, I would not have to carry this heavy world burden any more.  But then I suddenly remembered the cold nights nestled in my mother's womb, feeling the warmth and the bitterness of tears from that poor woman.  I don't want to leave my mother alone, she has been lonely for more than half of her life.

 The day I held the admission papers in hand, I could not feel the so-called joy or happiness, just saw the hazy road ahead, not knowing how to choose.  Your uncle and aunt seem very excited, preparing a very delicious rice bowl, always hanging a fake smile on her face.  During the meal, my mother was quiet, and the night came, she called me into the room to talk.

 - I think it over, you just keep studying, I'm fine, I can still take care.  Don't lose your dream, I don't want you to regret it.  If you study, you can find a good job later, then you won't be despised.

 At that moment, I suddenly discovered how much my mother loved me, I looked into her eyes that were no longer elated, only a reflection of myself in them.  It turned out that my mother was only me, and me, now only her.