Learning To Be Social (part-2)

Studies of social deprivation in young children have revealed that when this deprivation is of short duration, it increases the child's motivation to win the attention and affection of others. If the deprivation is strong and prolonged, however, anxiety may become so intense that the child will literally be afraid to establish social contacts. He will then attempt to satisfy the social drive by being an onlooker, thus becoming a passive rather than an active participant in social activities. This, of course, will not give him as great satisfaction as he would get from active participation.

The third essential in learning to be social is that the method used be adequate to achieve the desired results. Some forms of social behavior are learned indirectly, under conditions of minimal direct teaching; some are learned directly and under guidance. By trial and error, a child will learn some of the behavior patterns necessary for good social adjustments. He will discover, for example, that quarreling with his playmates wins fewer friends than being cooperative.

He may learn how to get along with others by imitation—by observing what others do and then by practicing it, pretending to be the other person. This is known as role practice; the learning comes through identification with the person the child is imitating. Unless he is fortunate enough to have a good model for identification, however, he may find himself imitating behavior that leads to poor social adjustments. Furthermore, most children are unselective in what they imitate. They will imitate anything, good or bad, in the person they are with regardless of whether it will increase their social acceptance or hinder it.

Studies of speech defects, for example, have revealed that young children quickly imitate the stuttering or lisping of a child with whom they associate. Similarly, studies have revealed how quickly young children imitate the fears, anxieties, and angers of other children and how closely their responses to these emotions resemble the responses of the people they are with. Learning to play appropriate social roles comes from imitation. If a boy is constantly associated with his mother and if his siblings are girls, he is likely to imitate them and act like a girl instead of learning not to act like a girl—an essential to good social adjustments for all boys.

In the long run, the child will learn more quickly how to be social, and the end results will be better, if his learning is guided and directed by persons more experienced than he. In short, he will learn best if he is taught, Marshall has pointed out the importance of guidance by stressing that "when children have too few experiences at home that provide the techniques and interests required for participation in play with peers, they will often fail in their attempts to play and, as a consequence, will show excessive dependence on teachers".

Since the social group exerts so marked an influence on the personality of the child, it is obvious that the members of the social group should be selected because of the desirable influence they can exert. This guidance must come from adults. A child does not recognize the harmful effects that will come from associating closely with children who are highly prejudiced or have moral standards that differ widely from those of his parents. As long as he enjoys playing with such children, he will not be concerned about the far-reaching influence they have on his attitudes.