In the past, I was told that one needs to sort out issues before going to bed. Don't carry a grudge to bed was the refrain. Unfortunately, I realized over time - this was a one-way story. As problems came up, I wrestled with them as to why the other person/s never owns up to her/his part of the dispute. And it dawned on me that it is easier to dole out ideas than follow them. Also, don't you think, if the other person expects you to make the first move all the time, is it healthy?
Here are some thoughts on whether you should be the one attempting to resolve a fight, or not.
Has the person always got her/his way making you feel responsible for the situation?
In various stages of our lives, we come across people so full of themselves who believe that they are always right. Since they have got away with this behavior in the past, it may not seem like a problem to them. Down the line, people will notice and will not succumb to this bullshit.
No one wants to be taken for granted.
When there is something inappropriately done, said, or insinuated, nip the problem in the bud at the get. But there are times when you are not inclined to go the whole nine yards because the other person makes you feel that you are the bad guy. What should you do at this point? You can try to sort it out or let sleeping dogs lie.
Is someone not willing to meet you halfway?
That can be the cause of the problem in the first place. Many people hold on to their egos for dear life - it is the perfect crutch. Since this is a no brainer because they believe that their opinion is sacrosanct, you may not get much done.
If you have to deal with people with solid egos who hold on to grudges, what can you do? They may not want to meet you halfway. You have to deal with it - you cannot let them spoil your life.
If you are in a relationship with someone or work for someone with this aura, and temperament, you know what you should do, for your peace of mind. Walk away. At the end of it all, if the person is not willing to resolve the conflict, what can you do? Try you must, but when there is no meeting ground, how will this pan out, down the line!
History does not help does it?
Families or friends that bear grudges because of old wounds, continue for years on end. Settling the issue because of resentment, old hurts, and not knowing how to mend bridges may not be a possibility. Festering of old wounds can cause damage to the next of kin.
Many people prefer to hold on to the past and let it grow into a fungus. A goodwill gesture may not work. If you want to mend bridges, speak to someone willing to listen and you may be able to accomplish something positive. This is a gamble, it may or may not work. At least you have done your bit.
Someone has an issue with you, but you don't know why. Sound familiar?
Try to approach the person and find out the reason. The individual may open up and let you know what caused the rift. Or, you may face ridicule from the said individual, who will use every method to obfuscate the issue and vent her/his anger on you - transference.
You did try.
If the person has a perpetual issue, is it worth it to waste your time trying to figure out her/his reason/s? Some people cling to issues for no reason. You should let it go, breathe, give yourself a break.
In a Nutshell
When you look at the big picture, there are a variety of reasons why it makes sense to resolve an issue.
It makes you feel better.
You are free from unpleasant thoughts or issues to deal with, you can get on with life.
You are healthier.
Clinging to negativity for a long time causes wrinkles and grey hair! Heck, you can pile on the pounds or lose weight, go on a bender and feel miserable.
That said, if the other party does not meet you halfway, why trouble yourself. Be happy with you. Or not. At the end of the day, you are in charge of you. Don't let anyone rain on what you can do for yourself.