February 21, 2022.

Today I woke up with terrible news yesterday in the WhatsApp states there were a multitude of states where many people said goodbye to a young woman around 30 years old who left this world bringing a life to the world. It was news that dismayed all my people since it is something particular for a people to know each other even if there is no interpersonal relationship. We were all devastated by how unexpected it was since she had a very healthy pregnancy, very careful and it was only enough to give birth for her to be washed away by darkness.

It is one of those news that leaves a sour taste in the mouth due to the fact that we all saw her pass through the streets of the town calmly with her belly and nobody expected that this would be the last year that we would see her.

Today we are tomorrow maybe not:

Difficult to process knowing that our time in life has no expiration date and today is probably the last day of your life and you don't know it. Talking about death is something that I don't like, it's one of those topics that I normally avoid for the simple fact of imagining how confusing it is to know what will happen after death.

will it hurt? Will it be a paradise? Will it be hell? Will my spirit still be alive? Or will I get lost in the matter? Will I be able to travel in different planes? Will I be able to meet people who are no longer in this world? Will I be reborn in another body? In another life? Will I be remembered? Will I be forgotten?

These are questions that I normally ask myself and they generate in me a negative rather than a positive environment. A year ago I saw a documentary that made me at least take an amulet to get out of anxiety when I think about death. That documentary makes me think that there is life after death and that I will go to paradise when I die, it is much better to think that than to keep thinking about the fact of ceasing to exist.

Lately I'm having a hard time feeling:

Changing the subject I have discovered that I am no longer the same girl as before, the one who lived in an eternal illusion, the one who lived in an eternal fairy tale story. I don't know if it's part of growing up, part of maturing, part of learning from past lessons, or that I'm in a serious emotional state. But lately I'm in a party environment surrounded by many people painting happy faces and I feel more alone than ever. Love has knocked on my door many times and I have not been able to open them, it is difficult for me to feel that feeling of feeling emotions for the first time with a person, it is difficult for me to adapt to integrating a person. It is not that I am comfortable with my loneliness because I love being alone but I have had many emotional lows that have become a hell inside me. I am not bothered by the fact of being alone but the fact of living with my person today. I do not try very hard to realize that I am not that person of light that I was before and it is hard for me to say goodbye to that idea.

Now i feel teerible

Yesterday they told me a song and I dedicated a song. It scares me to think that there is a person who is procreating feelings towards me and I have not yet taken off from this airplane mode state that does not allow me to feel. Perhaps it is a way of realizing that I am not ready for a relationship and that I must solve many internal problems before taking the next steps. But if that person really loves me? Will I let her pass? Or try to connect? Could it be that if I give him a path, he might explode? Could it be that I ended up falling in love? How difficult it is to be like this when one is rejected it hurts but you know that the problem is the other person but when you reject someone's love you feel bad because you know that the problem is you. I never get tired of saying that life is completely strange and difficult, we never finish going through learning tests.

Sunday disconnection

I don't like Sundays because they tend to be boring, however it is my day off and I try to rest but without internet it is difficult for me since I like to rest watching Netflix, tiktok or any social network since I don't usually do it on the days I work. Yesterday was a completely strange day, I hope someone can understand me and tell me that the same thing happens to them so we give each other comfort.

My favorite kiss

I know that this has nothing to do with what I have previously related, but my favorite kiss has always been the one on the forehead. That kiss that a person you like intensely gives you when he pulls you by the waist and then puts his two hands on your face while he stares at you and gives you a tender kiss on the forehead where you feel a rainbow of emotions that fills you. of life. I am very romantic and I like more small details that are eternally felt. Have you ever realized that there are memories that live deep inside you and that when you remember them they are still alive there? Because it happens to me constantly with some memories.

The innocence of children

Every day I take my little brother and my little cousin of the same age to Kindergarten and on the way they talked about the sun and the moon, it was beautiful to know that at some point we all saw something impressive in common. For them it was strange that it was 7 am and the moon was still in the sky. These are moments that fill me with life right now.

"Under the moonlight, that night I decided to say goodbye to you in that bank, where we used to be, that night I discovered that it is more difficult to say goodbye than to be said goodbye to you, the doubt of knowing if you are doing the right thing takes over you, but if at any time you thought that this was the right decision even loving with all your might, it is because there is a bit of coherence in the answer, letting you go cost me, under the light of that starry night, a kiss on the forehead you left embodied in my soul"