I picked up the letter with trembling hands. I don't see well with my eyes nowadays. There is no energy in the village to find the glasses. I can see the handwriting is vaguely beautiful. Very familiar handwriting. I sat down. I have spent 63 springs. I have settled the issue of non-availability long ago. The last few years I’ve been absolutely in the hole. I would not open the door and go out. Sometimes I would go out very early. I used to walk. I haven't been able to do that in the last few days.
Aaron's mother came and cleaned the house once in the morning and made tea. And at noon, he put curry on the stove and started playing yard by yard. Aaron's mother also runs the market. The name of this Aaron's mother is not known till today. Has been working in my house for about 10 years. At first I used to call him by one name. Nowadays I don't remember.
Sometimes people from the newspaper come. Literary magazine. If the story is short, give it. I am not writing anything at the moment. Just reading. At some point in his life he doesn't want to do anything else. Hands and feet no longer move. The rest is the head. When the work of the hands and feet stops, the work of the head increases. I keep thinking about various strange things. Most thoughts make no sense.
Sometimes in the afternoon I would sigh and stand on the veranda of the house with a cup of tea in my hand and stare at the distant horizon. I kept thinking in despair, there is no one beside me. No wife, no son, no daughter! There is no one. Of course, there was no son or daughter before. But he wants to see his wife. Wants to talk But, Nayana is absolutely gone from life! But could have stayed. I'm sitting here now, not getting glasses. I can't even read the letter. Maybe he would have found the glasses if he had eyes. Deleted. I used to read the letter. Had to read at all!
Once upon a time. Very close, very close. We used to sit hand in hand. Hour after hour. Don't say anything. Just from looking. Unimaginable! Yes, unimaginable. Is it possible to hold hands in this way? Goes. If the mind has telepathic communication with the mind, it goes. If you can read the language of the eyes.
I could read the language of his eyes. I could spend days counting the lines on his hands. Didn't talk much. Stay quiet. And yes, was very emotional. Talked occasionally, very slowly.
-Kavya, why do my hands get dry sometimes?
- You mean, like, dry hands? Does the hand dry again?
He looked up. He would move a little towards me. He kept his eyes on her and said slowly again ..
-You know, neither my hand nor my throat is dry.
- What are you talking about?
-Don't you understand?
- No. How do I understand?
- I'm scared. If you become someone else.
-Well, what kind of talk is this!
I was in a bad mood. It didn't feel good. I would give up. After five years of relationship if the man of love asks, how would it feel if I was someone else! I would have pushed him away. I would turn my face away. Sometimes it seemed like he was too far away from me. This is telepathic communication, this is staring. All seemed false. If he had moved away, he would have moved closer. He would hold the hand better. He would turn his face away and say ..
- Look at me! That's what I'm saying. Why are you angry?
I know all the anger will be broken just by looking. I can't keep him away. But for some unknown reason I wanted to keep the anger. So I did not look back at him. He would take me back to my face with tears in his eyes. I could not ignore. The Creator did not give me the strength to ignore those tears. I used to say in frustration ..
-Why ask all this! You have no faith in me?
- It's not a matter of faith. Just asking. I will not do it again.
- What will happen if you don't ask me, you will think about it all night, all day. Don't eat, don't sleep.
- No. I really don't think so. Really sleep, eat. Smile a little this time.
- No. I can't laugh. You didn't keep smiling.
I didn't really smile. Not once a day. We used to meet in Kale Bhadre. Sometimes he wrote letters. I lived far away. I would go every few months. Many days later his dream came true. He found me. We got married. It is difficult to explain the feelings of that day. Red sari, red tip on forehead, henna in hand, the sound of her bangles ringing. I was drowning in a different kind of madness. Her every touch, every kiss was felt in every pore of my body, still is. His every touch was my daily oxygen. I was sitting in a warm, comfortable room! There was only happiness throughout the house, the joy of being close. I may have been the happiest person in the world, and Nayana was as playful as a child. He wanted to get close to me all day. My nose was sitting on my chest. I would put my hand on his head. I would give him a small kiss on his forehead. He would squeal even more in the middle of his chest. Stuck in a daze, a feeling of well-being
We were in a trance, in the throes of love, in the throes of being close, in the throes of love and it is not too late to break the throes. The responsibility of a new marriage, a new family has suddenly fallen on his shoulders. I fell under a lot of work pressure in a few days. Suddenly the mind could not accept so much responsibility. I used to sit in despair. Not a very good job. Minor journalism. There is a lot of writing going on. With a couple of tuitions. I would have left quite a bit. Sometimes I could send my parents to the village. I would have given even if they did not want. But marriage is completely different. I’ve always been a bit of a spendthrift. I didn't take much care of myself. When the responsibility of a family suddenly fell on my shoulders, I started getting frustrated day by day. I would return home at night. Having worked hard all day, he wanted to keep his body normal. Couldn't. Nayana used to come and sit with her face on her neck. The matter was very normal. He will come to me. Who else was his! My parents came to me leaving everyone behind. To the man he loves. Moreover, the marriage was new. He stayed home all day. I will actually come to me at night. Want to get a little caress. But, my tired, exhausted mind did not want him to come. I wanted to spread my arms and legs to sleep a little, to take a deep breath. I used to look at him with annoyed eyes. He would ignore my annoyance. He used to lie on his chest. He used to look me in the eye. He did not say anything. Just watching. I know the language of those eyes. So even if the body did not want to respond to his call. But how long! I used to get annoyed at one time. Maybe I would have heard a word or two. And I was busy with work. Not much was said to him. I would get up in the morning and leave, return in the afternoon or at night. I would sit down to write a report. Sometimes he would not return at night. Sometimes I had to go out in the middle of the night to collect news. I didn't even notice, I was moving away from Nayana. He didn't say anything. I used to sit quietly. Used to see me Didn't even know she cried all day. But I did not want to be like that. Let it be something I didn't want. But I am stuck in the middle of responsibility. This responsibility, the family was slowly taking away my love, my emotions, my feelings.
One day I suddenly noticed.
I was writing stories. It was a holiday. It should be submitted the next day. But it was not written due to busy schedule. While writing, I suddenly noticed that Nayana was looking at me. Bored eyes. Surprisingly, I noticed that I could not read the language of his eyes. Impenetrable. I woke up with a sudden jolt of the body. What am I sitting to lose, the treasure of my yaksha. Why can't I read his eyes! She did not realize that I was looking at her. But he was looking at me. No, he's not looking at me. She's looking for me. Looking for his ever-familiar poetry. I got up and went to his side. He moved to one side. I turned his face towards myself. He kept his head down. Not picking up.
- What happened, Nayana?
- Nothing. I am sitting like this.
- No. Are you sick
-No. I'm fine.
- I've never seen you like that. I have never seen you look so bored.
He raised his head. I was shocked to see his face. The eyes have penetrated the two rooms and the ink. The fruit of waking up at night for a long time. Tears in his eyes. The inside of the chest rumbled. I did not want such eyes. I can't think why. I hugged him. She couldn't hold back, she cried. He grabbed her very hard and kept crying. I lifted her face and filled her whole mouth with kisses. The crying is not stopping. He said while crying ..
- You haven't taken me like this for so long! Didn't see anything. Where can I go without this book of yours! Why did you leave me away! What have I done?
Couldn't answer. Why did I leave it away? I never wanted that to happen. I never wrote in my story. I can't even think about it. But I became like that myself. But I also had a job. No, this work is nothing but an excuse. Couldn't he have been given a little time to come? Couldn't he sit with a little chest? But he did not say anything. Couldn't he say a little? If you share a little. There are no more problems. But I did not do that.
I grabbed his chest harder. I painted a sign of love on my lips. I ran my hand through my hair. I picked him up on my lap. He is looking. There are tears in my eyes. I can read the language of tears. I have my "she". I did not lose him. He didn't go anywhere. This is in the chest. There is more than that. Round eyes filled with water. The face is rubbing against the chest.
Everything was going very well. My family, job was going very well. I thought of the baby. Nayanai did not. He said, first of all, everything should be done well, job and writing my book. If all goes well then we can think of our successor. Yes, I was writing a book. I was writing about time. Novel, first book. I thought I would write in time. But the publisher was left out. Tied the time. You have to write in between. I work day and night. Nayana was also cooperating. He used to sit next to me while writing, talk, pick up torn paper. I would have corrected the spelling. I finished in the middle of the allotted time. I also submitted, it was also published. Surprisingly, the response was unimaginable. I did not expect so much. As the first book, it was just a blind spot. This was the feeling. But the success was amazing. I was happy. I used to chat with writers regularly. Didn't realize I was losing my eyesight again. I'm moving my eyes away again. I was making the same mistake again. But in a different way. I often returned late at night. I was promoted to the newspaper office. Everything is going well. But I am slowly losing that house. Writer hangout after office. Various discussion meetings.
And don't look that way! He was looking at me silently. He was watching very quietly. As always. He is dying inside. But not telling me anything. I didn't notice either. Just a little. What a loss! He did not say. He started to suspect me. And that was too scary for the relationship.
Even then there was no mobile phone. Landphone. My secretary girl was beautiful. Was friendly. Sometimes he would call home. Appointments with publishers, news reports talked about all this. I would definitely talk. I used to talk to him at home as there was no ditch in my mind. But Nayana did not like it. One day he directly asked to remove him from the post of secretary. I was naturally surprised. But I kept my head down and said ..
-What happened? What's wrong with that?
- I'm telling you to leave, Diba.
-Look, the editor has appointed him. How do I suspend him. Besides, he is also very good at work. He does a lot of my work himself and I can write a little from Relax.
-So! If you are so enchanted!
I was surprised by his words. I did not understand what he really meant!
- I don't understand you. Tell me a little?
- You can't understand now. Playing habudubu in love with the girl is not to be understood. What do you think? Don't understand anything? Talk on the phone all day.
I was surprised. I couldn't imagine how he could get the word out that I was falling in love with another girl. He was shouting the words. Suddenly the mood went up. Couldn't hold myself back. I did what I have not done in the last nine years. I sat down with a slap on my cheeks.
-Shut up. Don't say another word. How could you pronounce! I will fall in love with another girl!
I stormed out of the house. The head was not working. I thought I would stay out of sight. For some time. But when the head became cold. I realized where is my mistake? Why did he say that! I also have faults. I started to keep him away again. But I did not want. I didn't even understand. I ran home. To my eyes To my feelings. To my love I say I will hug you again. Again he says dipping his lips in hers. He said he would cry again with his face on his chest.
Today, at the age of 63, he wants to keep his head on his chest. Wanting to hug him. Wanting to smell her. But where to find! That he left, left me far away. Where am I putting the glasses! It took a while. I have her blue sheet in the cupboard. The smell of Nayana's skin is on the blue sheet. I'll smell it today. Nayana wants to smell the chest. If you can't smell, you may stop breathing.
Kavya is dead. Aaron's mother came in at noon and saw him lying in front of the cupboard. A blue sheet in hand. The glasses are lying on the end of the table. The letter on the chair. Beautiful handwriting. Pretty old. Kaligula has become a small letter.
'Maybe I couldn't make you happy. I've only hurt you all my life. I didn't try to understand you. You are working so hard for the world, yet I have compared you to a girl. I'm actually too bad. I just hurt you. In fact, you are not worthy. Forgive me. I don't want to hurt you anymore. Write well. This is my happy hobby, passion. You are my happiness. I will suffer more if I survive. More than that, I am gone from the world. This is good.
Your happiness
Eyes.
Yes, Kavya came home that day and found Nayana hanging on a blue sheet with a ceiling. The girl left me with a big arrogance, like last time she didn't let me wrap herself in the sheet of love. However, Kavya often finds the smell of sweat on the blue sheet and covers the cheeks, eyes, face, lips, forehead and chin with the blue sheet. In an infinite compassion of love. It is as if the blue sheet is not wrapped around the eyes, but in the bond of love.
Give someone you love a little time. A few days, still days. Your little time will make the whole day, the night absolutely satisfying. Which is not to be broken in a thousand storms. Once in love, see how colorful the world is. The favorite man is more colorful than him.
Story: Blue sheet
Written by Al Amin (Rabbi)
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