Make a Difference for Others
Robert Emmons says that although gratitude appears to be a simple feeling, it is capable of inspiring kindness, connection, and life-altering shifts. There is no doubt about it, and he has the proof.
Elizabeth Bartlett is a political science professor at a university in the Midwest. Her erratic heartbeat had become life-threatening by the time she was 42. As it turned out, a heart transplant was her only hope. She said in a book about her experience that she was grateful for her new lease on life, but that wasn't enough for her.
I feel compelled to do something in return for your generosity. To show my appreciation. To show gratitude. Give things away. Think about it. The best way to spread happiness is to spread love. As a result, appreciation becomes the gift, producing a never-ending flow of giving and receiving. It's not just for the giver, but for someone else, for anyone who happens to cross one's path. It's the simple act of transferring the gift from one person to another.
In Bartlett's words, we may see the essence of thankfulness. Gratitude isn't just a good feeling; it can also be a source of motivation, as this short passage shows. Receiving and giving are intertwined when people express their gratitude for what they've received. It is important to understand the concept of thankfulness because so much of human existence revolves upon giving, receiving, and repaying favors to others. According to renowned sociologist Georg Simmel, thankfulness is "the moral memory of mankind," and society would fall apart if every act of thanks were suddenly deleted.
Although thankfulness's benefits are rarely mentioned these days, we have grown to disregard, dismiss, or even criticize the relevance of gratitude in contemporary American culture.
I believe part of the issue is that we haven't practiced cultivating a sophisticated language of appreciation, which is why we don't have it. Robert Solomon, a late philosopher, observed that Americans rarely express thanks. Except for one day of the year—Thanksgiving—we hardly think about it in the United States, even though it is an important part of social life in many other nations. Other than that, we prefer to investigate rage, resentment and happiness.
Males in particular may be reluctant to express gratitude since it suggests a sense of dependency and indebtedness, it has been suggested. According to a fascinating study conducted in the 1980s, American men are less likely than German men to perceive thankfulness favourably and consider it as less productive and useful. To even bring up the topic of gratitude is to invite judgements about debt and dependence, which is understandable for a country that prides itself on its independence.
We like to believe that we are the makers of our own lives and that we can do with them what we like. Things are taken for granted. We believe that everything good that happens to us is the result of our own efforts. Indeed, we are deserving of this reward. It's something we've earned. "Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing," Bart Simpson says when asked to say grace at the family dinner table in The Simpsons.
Bart is correct in the sense that he has a point. As far as I know, the Simpsons had their own income. Nevertheless, he is overlooking the larger context. The appreciative individual realizes that nice things happen even when he does nothing to deserve them. Being grateful is acknowledging that we couldn't have achieved our current level of success if it weren't for others' efforts. How many people of our immediate and extended families, friends, and acquaintances, as well as those who have come before us, have made it possible for us to live the lives we do? What an incomprehensible concept.
Indeed, recent social science research shows that neglecting to express thankfulness puts our emotional and psychological well-being in jeopardy. Researchers have discovered that thankfulness has a significant impact on our health, happiness, and ability to connect with others, despite the fact that it has long been overlooked because it appears to be a straightforward emotion devoid of interesting complexities.
For the past ten years, I've been studying gratitude. In spite of its simplicity, gratitude is an extremely complicated phenomenon that plays a key part in the well-being of humans. Thanks to my collaboration with University of Miami psychologist Michael McCullough, I've learned a lot about thankfulness. Scientific evidence shows that practicing gratitude has a wide range of positive effects on people's mental, physical, and social well-being. Gratitude has been linked to positive life changes in some circumstances. People who cultivate an attitude of thankfulness are happier and more pleasant to be around than those who don't, according to the people in their lives. Thankfulness is one of the few mindsets that can have a significant impact on people's lives, according to my research.
Gratitude research is a science.
Mike McCullough and I began our research by assuming that frequent thankfulness practice will improve people's psychological and social functioning; we then conducted a series of studies based on that assumption.
In our first experiment, Mike and I randomly assigned participants to do one of three different tasks. Some individuals were prompted to express thankfulness, while others were prompted to be negative and irritated. The other groups were evaluated in relation to this third, neutral group. For a period of ten weeks, each participant in the study wrote down five events from the previous week in a short journal entry. Five things they were grateful for (the gratitude condition) or five things they disliked (the hassles condition) were briefly mentioned in a single sentence. The participants in the control group were not instructed to emphasize the good or negative aspects of the five events or scenarios they had to choose from each week.
The Rolling Stones and "waking up this morning" were examples of gratitude-inducing experiences, whereas "impossible to find parking," "messy kitchen no one will clean," "finances draining quickly," and "performing a favor for a friend who didn't appreciate it" were instances of inconveniences.
Gratitude seemed like a good idea, but I wasn't confident it would have the desired effect. Being grateful implies putting yourself in the position of a recipient—that is, acknowledging that you owe people something and that you have an obligation to repay them. People may hate the responsibility to reciprocate the goodwill of others, and they may even report significant unfavorable feelings toward their benefactors as a result of an experiment like ours.
Since our results were so positive, I was astonished. Participants in the gratitude diary group felt more positive about their lives and more optimistic about the future at the end of the study than participants in any of the two other groups. To put it another way, they scored a whopping 25% higher on our well-being scale than the rest of the participants. More time was spent exercising in the appreciation condition than in the hassles condition, and participants in the gratitude condition had fewer health concerns (nearly 1.5 hours more per week). This is a significant shift. Individuals in the appreciation group also reported less physical signs of illness than participants in the other two groups.
Two weeks of daily journaling was required in a second trial. People in the thankfulness condition reported higher levels of happiness, enthusiasm, curiosity, attentiveness, energy, excitement, determination, and strength than those in the hassles condition on surveys we administered to all study participants. As a result of their thankfulness, they were also more likely to aid others in emotional distress or with a personal difficulty. And it wasn't only what they said about themselves that was the problem. Respondents in the thankfulness group were judged as more helpful than respondents in the other groups by persons who knew them well (these friends were not aware of which experimental condition the participants were in).
A study of people with neuromuscular problems found comparable outcomes, with many of them suffering from fatigue, muscle and joint discomfort, as well as muscle atrophy. There is a paucity of data on the elements that influence the well-being of those suffering from neuromuscular illnesses. We had a rare opportunity in this research to see if the gratitude intervention could assist those dealing with a chronic physical illness feel better.
In contrast to a control group, participants in the thankfulness condition displayed significantly higher positive feelings and a greater sense of well-being. Even though many of them lived alone and did not increase their actual contact time with others, they reported feeling more upbeat about the week ahead and a stronger sense of belonging. People in the thankfulness condition appeared to be happier than those in the control group, according to reports from their wives.
People who took part in the thankfulness experiment also said they got more sleep, slept more soundly, and woke up feeling more rested. Sleep disturbance and poor sleep quality have been found to be central indicators of poor overall well-being, as well as an elevated risk for physical disease and early death. There is little doubt that counting your blessings rather than your sheep would help you sleep better at night.
In each of these experiments, individuals were randomized to conditions at random. As with the other conditions, many persons who tend to be pessimists may have been placed in the appreciation group. In addition, just a few studies have been able to successfully construct interventions to promote happiness or well-being; we were able to do so using a simple exercise.
Our findings have been supported by other studies, which further demonstrate the positive effects of thankfulness, particularly in the context of social relationships. Additional research Mike and I did has demonstrated that persons who report experiencing appreciation on a regular basis participate in more kind or helpful activities than those who experience gratitude less frequently.
We've also asked friends of folks with strong feelings of thankfulness to tell us about them. Afterwards, we compared their friends' replies to those of friends of persons who were less grateful. According to their close friends, those who were appreciative showed greater kindness, compassion, and emotional support than those who were less grateful.
Northeastern University researchers David DeSteno and Monica Bartlett have done some exceptionally insightful work. While working on a computer-generated task in their creative studies, participants were ready to receive their score when the screen suddenly went blank. Monitor's plug was partially ripped out of power strip by a "confederate," who was working with researchers discreetly. The confederate helped display participant's results. Once they had finished their work in the lab, the participant was asked whether they would be willing to help with another, seemingly unrelated experiment, in which they would have to complete a time-consuming survey.
Those who had gotten the favor and felt appreciative of the confederate were more likely to take the time to complete the survey than those who had not, including those who had been cheered up by seeing an amusing video clip. To put it another way, thankfulness appears to have a greater impact on encouraging altruistic conduct than a general upbeat disposition.
Gratitude has many benefits.
Where does this goodness come from? I believe there are two basic causes behind this. Social bonds are strengthened as a result of gratitude. Interconnectedness is fostered as a result. The narrative of Roger, a patient with chronic neuromuscular disease who we interviewed for our research, beautifully highlighted this.
At risk of having to give up his house due to mounting medical bills and an extended period of joblessness, Roger's friends organized a benefit party to help raise funds. In his thankfulness journal, he wrote:
After much anticipation, the big day finally arrived. The event drew over 200 individuals who enjoyed themselves till 1 a.m. by drinking, dancing, and eating until they passed out. closing! We thanked everyone on stage with tears in our eyes and hugs in our arms. The next week, I received a check for almost $35,000 from my boss! My house and automobile would have been on the market if not for that cheque.... We ran into so many old friends and colleagues that it was definitely a memorable day. The winner (a stranger!) returned the $1,000 first prize money to us. As I type this, I'm thinking of more highlights, like the fact that my doctor and nurse were there, as well as our priest. In It's a Wonderful Life, George Bailey, I felt like a real person. As I type, I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Attendees make my heart swell with pride. Every time I get the opportunity, I feel compelled to lend a hand to someone else, whether it's by offering advice or simply listening.
Gratitude serves as "the moral memory of mankind," as seen by Roger's response to that evening and his willingness to help others as a result.
Appreciation boosts one's self-esteem, which is yet another benefit of practicing gratitude. When we feel grateful, we know that someone cares for us, and we feel loved and cared for as a result. To help me out, someone had to make a personal sacrifice. How can I not conclude that I have value in the eyes of this person?
Because of this connection, thankfulness may be an effective cure to depression. Because it compels us to renounce a belief that can accompany severe depression—that the world is devoid of compassion, love, and kindness, and is nothing but randomness and cruelty—gratitude can make us happier than we would be otherwise. The unhappy individual can change their self-perception (I guess I'm not such a loser after all) by seeing patterns of generosity. When we express our gratitude, we are honoring the kindness of others. Because of this, we understand that compassion exists in the world and that it may be worth living, not just because we deserve it, but because it exists because we deserve it.
To survive, we must rely on the kindness and generosity of others. As a result, thankfulness is expected of us. When we are able to give to others what we got in the past, our lives are complete. When a woman with spinal muscular atrophy, 33, took part in one of our investigations, she captured the following dynamic:
People have helped me get ready for school, work, and other commitments for the majority of my life. It had always been my dream to be able to do something meaningful for someone else, as others had done for me throughout my life. This guy was married and miserable when we met. He and his wife had a son, who died at the age of seven months after being born to them. They were married for ten years while attempting a second pregnancy. That was the end of their chances of ever having a kid. In the wake of their split, he became a friend and lover of mine. He told me that he had a long-term goal of becoming a father again. I experienced a miscarriage after getting pregnant from him. My second pregnancy ended in an ectopic birth. Thankfully, I didn't lose my tube.) A shot took care of the issue. On December 20, 1998, I became pregnant for the third time and gave birth to our wonderful boy. Nothing in my life has made me feel more appreciative than this moment. As a result of my actions, I was able to repay someone. I was expected to die when I was two years old because that was my prognosis.
As a result of thankfulness, we are able to receive and we are compelled to reciprocate the favor. To summarize, thankfulness is what allows us to reach our best potential as human beings.
