How Can We Disentangle Unholy Soul Ties?
God endowed everyone of us with the wonderful potential to form bonds with one another. As a triune God, he is fundamentally relational. And because we are created in his image, we cannot be truly ourselves until we have healthy connections with God and others.
However, like with many other aspects of life, this incredible gift of human connection may be abused to the harm of both ourselves and others. When someone develops a strong but unhealthy attachment to another person, they can form what some refer to as a "soul tie." You'll most frequently hear about soul ties in the context of spiritual warfare or Christian counseling–some believe that soul ties can act as a conduit for demonic forces to pass between two people in the spiritual realm.
Unholy soul attachments nearly never develop on deliberately; but, they may be severed. Continue reading to understand what a soul knot is, how it forms, and how to sever it.
What Is a Soul Connection?
Because this expression does not exist in the Bible, there is no agreed-upon official definition of soul bonds in Christianity or Christian therapy. There appears to be a debate over whether soul ties can be formed in a healthy manner or whether all soul ties are unhealthy, unholy, and a form of spiritual warfare.
They are always unholy, according to this episode of The Place We Find Ourselves with Adam Young (LCSW, MDiv), because a soul tie forms "when your soul has found rest in someone who wishes you harm, when you have submitted your soul to a loyalty that is not based on mutuality, goodness, and respect."
Others will argue that soul links may be beneficial, such as when a virtuous husband and wife have a favorable effect on each other's souls. However, for the sake of this post, I will concentrate on the negative features of a soul bond.
A soul tie, in its simplest form, is a strong link with another person that has an effect on your soul. Our souls are the intangible aspects of who we are: our emotions, ideas, and desires. When your soul is in an unholy relationship with another, that person gains excessive control over you and your life.
Certain soul links can be immediately identified by the other person's destructive behavior: control, manipulation, or shame. If a young girl develops a soul connection with her best friend, but her best friend does not actually love her but seeks to control her in order to feel better, the girl will mistakenly accept to be subject to her best friend's demands and control. It might appear as though she is being peer pressured into drinking since her closest friend has threatened to cut ties with her if she does not. Alternatively, it might appear as though the girl's closest friend is distorting her words and portraying her as a horrible friend whenever she attempts to defend herself.
Because the girl has a soul connection with her closest friend, she has an adverse impact on her soul.
However, this impact might be subtle as well: consider a parent who recently gave birth to his first child. The father is overjoyed since he had a traumatic connection with his father and considers this new, innocent child as an opportunity to atone for his unresolved past. On the surface, it appears as though the father is an excellent father and that he and his kid are inseparable. He is the baseball coach for his kid and is quite active with all of his son's buddies.
However, the fact is that the kid has been socialized from infancy to prioritize his father's wants over his own. His father unintentionally transferred that onto his kid by expecting that small child to adore his father in ways that were not his obligation. And, while the son despises baseball, he is scared of the relationship repercussions of breaking out of his father's position, so he remains silent and numbs his wants to be an artist.
Soul bonds may be developed by actions within our control, such as excessive reliance or idolization–for example, by idolizing a love relationship and making your boyfriend/girlfriend your entire world.
However, soul links can also be developed as a result of circumstances beyond our control, such as abuse–for example, if your father was verbally abusive to you. However, in a strange sense, it provided you with a defined role in your family, which unconsciously felt comfortable and secure. By leaning on someone else for your identity and protection, you "find rest in another's soul," as the definition from the Place We Find Ourselves implies.
Somewhere along the road, whether you were conscious of it or not, an agreement was formed to subject your soul to another soul. This is not to say that the victim is to blame for the abuse–but it does imply that the sufferer must reclaim their authority and agency over their soul.
Negative soul links can also be defined in terms of codependency or a lack of boundaries. Any time a relationship forms between two humans that should not exist as a result of a barrier being crossed, a chance for an evil soul tie exists.
Another popular idea of soul links is what occurs when two people have sexual interactions. When two people have sex, strong bonding occurs due to the brain hormone oxytocin. And because this has an effect on your emotions, wants, and ideas, some would say that it has an effect on your soul.
This may be a good thing for married couples, but it can be quite detrimental for casual daters. This is another illustration of how soul links may be developed for an individual's benefit or detriment.
Is the Bible Clear on Soul Ties?
In a nutshell, the answer is no, not directly. The Bible makes no clear reference to soul links. That term is not found in the Bible.
However, you may surely discover evidence that humans do link spiritually.
For example, Paul warns in 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers." A yoke is "a wooden crosspiece fastened around the necks of two animals and attached to the plow or cart they are to pull." To be yoked to someone means to be connected in such a way that if they go one way, you are compelled to follow suit.
Paul cautions against this type of connection to unbelievers, citing the detrimental effect it can have on a person's spiritual health.
However, strong relationships may be utilized to affect someone spiritually as well. For instance, David and Jonathan had a close friendship, as described in 1 Samuel 18:1: "After David finished speaking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself." The ESV reads "As soon as Jonathan finished speaking with Saul, his soul was knit to David's soul, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."
Although this may be seen as codependent, we do know that David and Samuel shared a spiritual connection in which they assisted one another in finding strength in God (1 Samuel 23:16). It is obvious that they had a strong relationship that influenced their emotions, ideas, and desires–so much so that their friendship might be described as a soul tie.
Another biblical passage that might be argued to support the concept of soul bonds is Paul's admonition against sexual immorality in 1 Corinthians 6:15-17:
"Are you unaware that your bodies are members of Christ?" So, must I then combine the members of Christ with a prostitute? Never! Do you not realize that he who associates with a prostitute becomes physically one with her? For it is said, 'The two shall become one flesh.' However, whomever is joined with the Lord is one spirit with him."
Some interpret this Scripture to emphasize the dangers of sexual immorality in terms of soul bonds. By uniting as one flesh, they also submit Christ to uniting with a prostitute. It's a little perplexing here because "flesh" in Greek refers to the body, not necessarily the soul. However, the next sentence discusses being spiritually joined with the Lord. We do know, however, that the mind, body, and spirit are all inextricably linked, and hence we do not need to worry too much about establishing precise classifications.
The point is that the Bible makes it quite apparent that our relationships with other human beings may have a spiritual effect on us, and we must exercise caution with that gift so that it does not devolve into something detrimental.
Couples holding hands in prayer demonstrate their support for forgiveness that is slow to rage.
Adopting a Biblical Perspective on Relationships
Healthy soul bonds, in which you are intimately connected in a way that benefits your walk with God, should be cherished. However, unholy soul links, in which someone manipulates, controls, or fills you in an unhealthy way, must be handled.
To some extent, impure soul relationships can be pleasurable. We are wired for connection, and even if the intimacy is toxic, it is difficult to let go of if it is all you have. However, God designed us for greater purposes. While soul bonds may have the appearance of love, they are actually filled with selfish ambition and a disregard for one's own or others' boundaries.
Rather than that, healthy soul bonds should mirror the Biblical description of love: "Love is patient and compassionate." It is not envious, boastful, or proud. It is not self-seeking, it is not readily enraged, and it maintains no record of wrongs. Love does not take pleasure in wickedness, but rejoices in truth. It is constantly vigilant, always trusting, always hopeful, and always persevering. Love is impervious to failure" (2 Corinthians 13:4-8).
It requires inner struggle and spiritual healing to dissolve an evil soul relationship. It entails examining how the soul bond was created, the harmful "advantage" you derive from it, letting go of that benefit, forgiving that person, repenting of any sin committed in their presence, repairing the boundary that was breached, and proclaiming yourself free. I strongly advise you to start by listening to this audio episode and determining whether or not therapy might be good as well.
God is marvelous for allowing us to develop strong ties that may sharpen us, just as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). However, Satan may use these ties against us. Pray for God to disclose any unclean soul bonds that may be impeding you from having the healthy relationships God desires for you, then undertake the inner work necessary to be free!